D.J. Tanner quotes from Full House

Stephanie

[alarm clock goes off] What time is it?

D.J.

It's 3:47. I was born on this day at exactly 3:48.

Stephanie

You have an excellent memory.

D.J.

(gets out of bed and looks at watch) 3, 2, 1, yes. (looks in mirror) I am now officially a teenager.

Stephanie

Well, pin a rose on your nose!

D.J.

I gotta rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.

Stephanie

I liked you better when you were a kid.

D.J.

Well, those days are over. You are now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. (gets into bed) I'M 13! (bounces in bed)

Kimmy

D.J., what are you doing dancing with Elliott? You should be dancing with Kevin Guin.

D.J.

I would, but Kevin didn't ask me.

Kimmy

Then ask him. It's very simple, watch. (Turns to Bitterman) Hey, Bitterman, you wanna dance?

Sure, why not?

Kimmy

Maybe later. I'm busy.

WHOA BABY!!

DJ

There's a car in the kitchen!

I told you so.

DJ

Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?

Yes, I do!

DJ

How?

Through the window!

Jesse

Have mercy! There's a... The-there's...

There's a car in the kitchen.

Jesse

Thank you. How'd a car get in the kitchen?

Through the window.

Jesse

Everybody okay?

DJ

Yeah, we're all fine.

Danny

(offscreen) Hello?

DJ

But I don't think Dad is gonna be fine.

Jesse

Well, alright. We have to break this to him very gently, okay?

Danny

(offscreen) Hey, where is everybody?

Kimmy

In your new garage.

DJ

We'll be right back. Stall Dad.

DJ

Good face, Dad.

Danny

Is everybody alright? Where's Stephanie?

DJ

We're all fine. Stephanie's at dance class.

Danny

Look at this house! Look at this kitchen! Look at this mess! I just waxed the floor! Where's my best friend Joey?

DJ

Dad, let me get one more picture of you.

Danny

This is a very serious matter!

DJ

That's okay, you don't have to smile.

DJ

Kevin!

Kevin

Hey, DJ!

DJ

What are you doing out here?

Kevin

Just hanging out!

The dance was lame, so we started our own party.

DJ

(sees the beer can under Kevin's jacket) You're drinking beer!

Kevin

Yeah. Tastes horrible. (offers her the can) Want some?

DJ

No, I don't want some! You guys aren't supposed to be drinking beer!

Big deal! We're just having some fun. Try it!

DJ

Cut it out!

Kevin

(to Paul) You didn't have to do that! I'm sorry, DJ. I'll go get some paper towels.

DJ

Why don't you guys just get out of here?!

You are so uncool!

DJ

Oh? And you think you're cool? (she grabs the can and shows them how it's done, as Jesse walks through the door) "The dance was lame. Now we're having a party!"

Forget it, DJ. We don't want any beer.

Yeah, we're only 13.

Jesse

(noticing what just happened, as well as what's in her hand) DJ Tanner!

DJ

Uncle Jesse--

Jesse

You're in big, big trouble, young lady.

DJ

Uncle Jesse, I didn't do anything.

Jesse

Oh, yeah? Then what's this?

DJ

It's beer, but--

Jesse

(interrupts her) Oh, you gonna tell me you weren't drinking it? I can smell it all over you!

DJ

Those guys were the ones drinking. I was trying to stop them.

Jesse

Alright! Save it! (throws it in the trash) I saw the whole thing. Come on, you're going home!

DJ

Uncle Jesse!

Kimmy

(noticing the confrontation) DJ, where are you going?

Jesse

Home. She doesn't feel well!

DJ

How could they do this? I was telling the truth! I don't deserve to be treated this way; I didn't do anything!

Stephanie

What didn't you do?

DJ

It doesn't matter. Nobody believes me anyway - not Uncle Jesse, not Joey, not even Dad.

Stephanie

I believe you, DJ.

DJ

You do?

Stephanie

Of course I do. You're my big sister. And besides that, you were looking right in my eyes. When you lie, you look at the top of my head.

DJ

Thanks, Steph. (they hug) I gotta find a way for them to believe me.

Kimmy

(as her best friend comes in) DJ, you missed everything! Kevin and Paul and Sam got caught drinking. They're gonna be suspended from school.

DJ

I hate to say it, but they deserve it. Your mom's waiting outside. I have to find Kevin.

Kimmy

(points to him sitting in a chair) He's over there waiting for his parents. You better talk to him now. You may not see him for a long time.

Kevin

(drunk) Hi.

DJ

Hi. You and I have to talk. My family thinks I was drinking.

Kevin

(drunk) Oh, man.

DJ

You gotta tell my dad I'm innocent. Why did you have to go and drink anyway?

Kevin

(drunk) Those guys said it would loosen me up. I thought you'd have more fun with me.

DJ

Well, I didn't have fun with you tonight. I had fun with the old Kevin.

D.J.

I'm sorry you had such a bad time tonight. I know exactly how you feel.

Stephanie

No, you don't! When you were 8, you got to go to a Honeybee slumber party with Mom!

D.J.

But that doesn't mean I don't miss her just as much as you do.

Stephanie

It's not fair! All those girls with their moms tonight were so happy. Why couldn't I be happy too?

D.J.

[moves next to her and puts her arm around her shoulder] Steph, it's okay. Sometimes, I look at other girls with their moms and feel the same way.

Stephanie

[sniffling] How do you make the feeling go away?

D.J.

It's hard. But something that helps me is what I think of the things that we do have that other people don't have.

Stephanie

[still sniffling] Like what?

D.J.

Well, we have three people that love us a lot. We're the only ones with a dad, an Uncle Jesse, and a Joey. We have something else too.

Stephanie

We do?

D.J.

We have each other.

DJ

(getting ready to square dance) I hate to get technical but we formed a triangle.

Rebecca

It will be much more square when my parents get here.

Jesse

You ain't kidding.

Rebecca

What?

Jesse

Oh, I said... I'll do your bidding.

Rebecca

That's all I ask.

What about me?

D.J.

You stay right here and watch that hole.

You got it, dude! [runs to hole in the wall and stares at it] I'm good at this.

D.J.

I'll babysit my new cousins anytime, except for Friday and Saturday nights.

Stephanie

And I'll take Friday and Saturday, until I start dating.

I'll help, too, but no diapers. They make me apprehensive.

D.J.

You see? You don't even knock! You have no respect for my personal space.

Danny

Don't you dare tell me about respect! You're yelling and slamming doors? What happened to my sweet little girl?

D.J.

Don't you get it?! I'm not your little girl anymore!

Jesse

Hermes was not only the Greek God of Swiftness, but it's also my great-grandfather's name. I'll have you know, he saved the whole town from destruction when he raced a river of lava down a mountain barefoot. All right? He went to tell the whole town a volcano erupted. 'Course, no one was left in the town, 'cause who could miss a volcano erupting? But the point I'm tryin' to make here is the name Hermes is equated with strength, courage, and very hot feet. So now, who among you will make fun of a name so bold and so courageous as Hermes? Huh?!

Rebecca

I'm sorry, honey.

D.J.

We didn't realize the name meant so much to you.

Jesse

Good.

Did you want me to call you Uncle Hermes?

Jesse

[scoffs] No. What am I? Some kinda geek?