Stephanie Tanner quotes from Full House

Stephanie

[reads her script] "I love Oat Boats, because Stephanie takes heaping spoonful of cereal. They taste great. She takes a bite."

D.J.

Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Rehearse.

Stephanie

[reads again] "I love Oat Boats, because Stephanie takes heaping spoon--"

Stephanie

Daddy, could we talk to you?

Danny

Sure. I thought we were going out for ice cream.

D.J.

We wanted to make sure we still liked it.

D.J.

I'll tell you what, if you can keep this secret for two weeks, I'll let you own part of the horse.

Stephanie

Which part do I get?

D.J.

The tail.

Stephanie

My very own tail?

DJ

You have the brain of a paramecium.

Stephanie

If I have the brain of a paramecium, then you have the brain of just one mecium.

DJ

(to Jesse) There really is no way to beat her, is there?

Stephanie

[alarm clock goes off] What time is it?

D.J.

It's 3:47. I was born on this day at exactly 3:48.

Stephanie

You have an excellent memory.

D.J.

(gets out of bed and looks at watch) 3, 2, 1, yes. (looks in mirror) I am now officially a teenager.

Stephanie

Well, pin a rose on your nose!

D.J.

I gotta rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.

Stephanie

I liked you better when you were a kid.

D.J.

Well, those days are over. You are now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. (gets into bed) I'M 13! (bounces in bed)

Stephanie

Hello, Michelle.

There's a car in the kitchen!

Stephanie

(trying to play innocent) There is? (cut to the damage) Oh, there is. Did you see how it got here?

No.

Stephanie

Good. I'm in the clear... until Joey gets home and tells Dad how he left me alone with the car. Then I'm dead meat.

You got it, dude.

Joey

MY CAR! Rosie! This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray?!

Danny

Are you saying you didn't know about this?

Joey

If I did, don't you think I would've bought a bigger jar of touch-up paint? Danny, when I left, Stephanie was watching my car. What the heck happened?

Jesse

(enters the kitchen with Stephanie) Well, here's somebody who knows what the heck happened.

Stephanie

I was taking a make-believe drive through the country, and I wanted to play the radio. So I turned the key, and the next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen.

Joey

I should've never left those keys in the ignition.

Stephanie

It's not your fault, Joey. I had no business being in your new car! It was perfect!

Joey

Well, almost. The radio didn't work.

Stephanie

Now he tells me.

Stephanie

I dro--- I dro--- I dro---

Rebecca

You dropped something? Did something break? What did you break?

Stephanie

You name it, I broke it.

Stephanie

I sorta drove Joey's car into the kitchen.

Jesse

You're the one who drove Joey's...? Steph, you can't even drive!

Stephanie

You're telling me.

Rebecca

No wonder you're moving to Mexico.

DJ

How could they do this? I was telling the truth! I don't deserve to be treated this way; I didn't do anything!

Stephanie

What didn't you do?

DJ

It doesn't matter. Nobody believes me anyway - not Uncle Jesse, not Joey, not even Dad.

Stephanie

I believe you, DJ.

DJ

You do?

Stephanie

Of course I do. You're my big sister. And besides that, you were looking right in my eyes. When you lie, you look at the top of my head.

DJ

Thanks, Steph. (they hug) I gotta find a way for them to believe me.

Daddy's a girl.

Stephanie

No, he's a woman.

Kimmy

An ugly woman.

Danny

Stephanie?

Joey

Steph, would you just stop and talk to me?

Stephanie

There's nothing to talk about! I don't have a mother, and there's nothing you guys can say to change that! Right?! [cut to the guys, who have no answer] See?

Danny

I'd better go deal with this.

D.J.

I'm sorry you had such a bad time tonight. I know exactly how you feel.

Stephanie

No, you don't! When you were 8, you got to go to a Honeybee slumber party with Mom!

D.J.

But that doesn't mean I don't miss her just as much as you do.

Stephanie

It's not fair! All those girls with their moms tonight were so happy. Why couldn't I be happy too?

D.J.

[moves next to her and puts her arm around her shoulder] Steph, it's okay. Sometimes, I look at other girls with their moms and feel the same way.

Stephanie

[sniffling] How do you make the feeling go away?

D.J.

It's hard. But something that helps me is what I think of the things that we do have that other people don't have.

Stephanie

[still sniffling] Like what?

D.J.

Well, we have three people that love us a lot. We're the only ones with a dad, an Uncle Jesse, and a Joey. We have something else too.

Stephanie

We do?

D.J.

We have each other.

[having heard the big news] Joey's opening a fig newton in Vegas....and the chimps have lice.

Stephanie

I think you're a little mixed up.

I'm a lot mixed up.

Hi, Steph. Uh, your dad wants some air freshener.

Stephanie

In the backyard?

Yeah, he says the backyard doesn't smell woodsy enough.