Danny Tanner quotes from Full House

Danny

Jesse, what's your take on this Pete guy?

Jesse

He's a good kid.

Danny

Good. D.J. just went out with him.

Jesse

What? You let her go out with that animal?

Danny

You just said he was a good kid.

Jesse

He's in a band. All he thinks about is girls. He's exactly like I was when I was seventeen.

Danny

Oh, my God.

Danny

D.J., you can't keep giving us the silent treatment.

D.J.

Okay, you wanna talk? Fine. I am totally humiliated! When this gets out at school, I'll never be asked out again! But that's what you wanted, isn't it? [storms upstairs]

Jesse

I think we were doing better with the silent treatment.

Danny

[to Michelle] You are one terrific person. You're funny, you're sweet, you're kind...

Keep going.

Danny

I could go on for hours.

You always do!

Danny

Michelle, you know you're not supposed to wander off by yourself.

But Daddy, I was so mad.

Danny

Now, that's no excuse. We're gonna have a long talk about this later.

But Daddy, I'm the princess, and nobody would do what I told them.

Danny

Sounds like you were trying to be the boss.

The princess is the boss.

Danny

Bruce Springsteen is the boss.

Joey

"I am at peace. I am soaring."

Danny

Man. What a mess up there, Jess. Is there anything worse than ground leaves in a carpet?

Jesse

[sees the wet cement pouring into the kitchen while Joey is still meditating] Yep.

Danny

[sees it as well] My kitchen! Joey, do something! [but he can't hear him] [to Jesse] I'll try to keep it from spreading, you catch it off the chute!

Danny

Not your shirt! Get a bowl! A bowl!

Jesse

A bowl. Right. Right.

Danny

[tries to sweep the cement on the floor] Oh, no!

Jesse

[grabs the fruit bowl from the table and dumps the fake fruit down the stairs] Here. I got a bowl. I got a bowl.

Danny

No, no, no, not that bowl! That's my fine china!

Danny

No! No! Not that one! Not that bowl! My mother gave me that! [Jesse tries to use his hand to wipe the cement out of the bowl and throws it to Danny] Oh, Jesse!

Jesse

[pulls out a drawer from the cabinet next to what used to be the window] How 'bout this drawer? Do you have any emotional attachment to the drawer?

Danny

No. I mean, I like it, but...

Jesse

I'm going down!

Danny

You know, uh...this, uh, this broom is not working.

Jesse

Turn off the truck!

Danny

Turn off the truck? Why didn't I think of that? You know, it's weird when your adrenaline's running like this you forget the most obvious thing that you could be doing.

Jesse

The truck, Dan.

Danny

"The truck." I'll turn off the truck. That's what I'll do. [struggles to open the back door and eventually gets out] Uh! Oh!

Jesse

Joey!

Joey

"Sniff the minty woodlands." [as Jesse reaches for him] "There. Now, aren't we calm and placid?"

Hey, everybody. Uncle Jesse got my bike back.

Jesse

It's no big deal. All I did was outwit a 9-year-old. It's not like he was jeopardy material or anything. What the heck is that?

Danny

Michelle's bike. What the heck is that?

Joey

Hey, guys. Guess who found Michelle's... bike?

Danny

Seems to be the question of the day.

Wow, I've got three bikes!

Danny

No, honey, not all of them are yours. One of them is, but which one?

I like this one. It looks brand-new.

Danny

Sweetheart, I didn't ask which one you liked the best. I asked you which one is yours?

Let's see. Mine has a Kermit sticker on the basket.

Jesse

Well, would you settle for a Care Bear on the chainguard?

None of these bikes are mine. Mine's still stolen.

Danny

So are all these.

Joey

And we're the stealers.

You're all going to the slammer.

Daddy, if you have a stomachache, could you stay home from the slammer?

Danny

Sweetheart, we are not going to the slammer. We're just gonna return these bikes to their rightful owners.

So everybody gets their bike back except me? That's fair.

Jesse

How am I supposed to return this? I stole it off a kid named Davey. All I know about him is I should've stolen his trumpet too.

Danny

I found mine leaning against the library. This horrible thing. A little girl goes in, checks out Curious George, comes out, her bike's gone. Could turn a kid off to reading forever.

Joey

I grabbed mine off the back of a pickup. Oh, great. There's a card in it. "Happy Birthday, Lisa. Love, Mom and Dad."

Steve

Hey, Mr. Tanner, look at this. Little Ruth Bell went in to get her first library card. Some goon nabbed her bike. Says here she lost her zest for reading.

Danny

She's zestless?

D.J.

Yeah. [shows a mediocre sketch of Jesse on another flier] And look at this guy who took Davey Schultz's bike. He looks exactly like Uncle...

Danny

Uncle Seymour! Yes. That looks exactly like Uncle Seymour. And if he weren't a priest in Athens, he would be a suspect. Yes, he would.

Jesse

It's like a...a bad dream or something.

Rebecca

I know. [hugs Jesse] I know. [sniffles] But you know, at least Papouli died peacefully in his sleep, you know?

Danny

We know how much he meant to you, Jess. He meant a lot to us too.

D.J.

We're all gonna miss him. [Rebecca comforts D.J.]

Jesse

[sighs] It's just... [stands up] so helpless, it's like...if I could have been there, I would have done something, you know I could've helped him...I could

Rebecca

[interrupts] Jess, honey...honey, honey...[hugs Jesse] there was nothing that you could do. There was nothing any of us could do.

Jesse

[sighs] You're right. [walks back to the table] He was just such a beautiful man. Just so full of love and life. Now he's gone.

Stephanie

Uncle Jesse, you okay?

Jesse

[wipes his tears] Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. [stands up] You know, I, I don't have time for this. I got so many things to do, make the arrangements...

D.J.

Well, if you want help...

Joey

Yeah Jess, we, we can take care of all that.

Jesse

You know what, it's my responsibility. Just...I'm sorry guys, I'll...I'll...I'll take it from here. [goes upstairs]

D.J.

Why won't Uncle Jesse let us help him?

Rebecca

Aw honey, it's just his way of dealing with the pain, you know? By keeping busy. [Michelle enters the house]

Hi everybody!

Danny

Hi Michelle. [kisses Michelle]

Hi Daddy.

Danny

How was your honeybee meeting?

It was great! [shows her school project] I made this for Papouli. Where is he? [Stephanie tearfully looks at Joey, and Joey looks somber as the Tanner family must deliver Michelle the sad news]

Danny

Michelle, Papouli's not here. [Michelle looks at Joey, Stephanie, D.J. and Rebecca who are visibly emotional]

Rebecca

[comforting D.J., who is crying] It's okay.

Something's wrong. [Danny sadly nods]

Danny

Um, sweetheart, this is um, this is not easy to say to you. Um, this morning, after you went to school, we uh, went to wake up Papouli. Michelle, he died in his sleep last night.

What?

Danny

He was, he was just, he was very old, and his heart gave out.

No, he's not dead! [throws her school project to the floor and runs upstairs, visibly upset. Danny follows her as Rebecca and Joey respectively comfort D.J. and Stephanie]

Danny

I've just been notified that our family dog Comet is missing.

Stephanie

(runs up to Danny) Dad, Comet is missing.

Danny

I've just been notified again.

Danny

Do you have any idea what your daughter's been up to?

Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?

Danny

Yes, I have laryngitis.

Danny

When children seem the least lovable, it means they need love the most.

Do you always talk like a fortune cookie?

Danny

Actually, it was the Thought for the Day on my Ziggy desk calendar.

Danny

Steph, let me put it this way. Before it can soar like an eagle, the young baby bird must stumble and fall, and spend two whole weeks grounded in the nest with no TV.

Stephanie

Hey, is that from your Ziggy calendar?

Danny

No, but I'm thinking of submitting it.

Daddy, can I have $39?

Danny

Absolutely not.

Joey, can I have $39?

Joey

Absolutely. Danny, can I borrow $39?

Danny

Absolutely not.

D.J.

Dad, I'm 17, a senior in high school. You can't tell me who to date.

Danny

I'm not telling you who to date, I'm telling you who not to date.