TV show quotes
Frasier returns from a terrible evening at the karaoke bar
For starters, Woody sang “What Kind of Fool Am I?” Quickly turned into an audience participation number. Then Gil and Noel did a charming duet with “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better”. They were both wrong.
Woody has announced he has to leave Seattle ahead of schedule, having learned that his daughter has an ear infection
Goodbye, Woods. (closes the door) God bless the virus that invaded that little girl's ear canal!
(fears that his feelings for Daphne will be made public in court)
Tomorrow everyone will know, including Daphne. And this is how she's going to find out. I wanted to whisper it to her over a candlelight dinner, not have it read back to her by a court stenographer.
Dad, we are talking about perjury! When is that ever acceptable?
Oh, you want an example? Fine! Let's say, uh, what if there was a comet hurtling towards the earth...
Oh, for God's sake!
And you were the only person who could save the earth, but the only way to do it is by lying under oath. Would you do it then?
Who am I lying to, the comet?
Oh, just answer the question!
All right, I suppose in certain extreme cases...
So, then you'd lie?
To save mankind from a talking comet, yes!
I can't believe you're being so casual about this. You realise your asking me to do something entirely unethical?
Oh for God's sake. Nobody's even going to know!
That's the point! Ethics are what we do when no-one else is looking. For heaven's sake I learned that from you. Are you saying you wouldn't have any trouble with this?
Let me tell you something. One time when I was on the force I saw a guy shoot somebody. When we caught him I started to read him his rights. But he slipped out of his cuffs and he swung at me so I didn't have a chance to finish. Two months later, I'm on the stand and his lawyer asks me if I read him his rights in full. Now, if I say no, this guy walks. And this guy's been in and out of jail all his life; he could have read me his rights. So I say "Yes, I did, I read them in full." I lied under oath. Now you might think I did an unethical thing but there's not a doubt in my mind that I did the right thing.
Niles does not appreciate Roz teasing him when she finds out about his feelings for Daphne
Obviously you've never let someone you've grown to care deeply about get away.
Well, sure I have.
I'm not talking about when the migrant workers leave at the end of the picking season.
Martin and Frasier are leaving the cottage
Well, come on, Frasier, let's go get a nice Sloppy joe. I'll pay for it.
Something tells me I'll pay for it too.
The message from the Walburts start Frasier and Niles arguing about who "that other one" refers to
This is absurd! Why don't we just call Allison up and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us? We can both get on an extension.
(sarcastic) Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what's so strange about us.
Nina Duncan has phoned to announce that the Joaquín she will be bringing is her foster child
So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?
Oh, you are so "that other one"!
Niles tries to cover up the death of Baby by pretending she is tired from travelling
You didn't take her with you to Africa, surely?
Well, she has family there.
Carol Larkin has just suggested a party game of "Murder"
Oh, Martin, there you are! Come, hide with me. I know a little nook where no one will find us.
This game's a lot scarier than I thought!
Daphne is in the middle of an online conversation with Donny, and asks Niles what he is saying now
Er, "I can't wait to come home and see my wittle Engwish cwumpet". Apparently he has some sort of typing impediment.
As soon as Niles has left, Frasier decides that he must not be upstaged at the lunch on account of his IQ
Niles will be sitting there rambling on with the geniuses about the cosmos, black holes, matter, antimatter, and I won't matter at all!
Niles is trying to grow a moustache. So far it is barely visible
I grant you, it's at an early stage.
What stage? Research and development?
Roz has been flirting with Dr. Nora's producer, George, while Frasier declares war on Dr. Nora herself
You don't actually buy all this "no sex" stuff of hers, do you?
Yeah!
Well, it's WAR!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
