Sister Assumpta quotes from Father Ted

Father Ted

Anyway the thing is I might not be able to say this evening's Mass.

Sister Assumpta

(aggressively) What Father?

Father Ted

I have something quite important to do.

Sister Assumpta

Not more important than saying Mass Father?

Father Ted

It's just. Someone I know is dying.

Sister Assumpta

Oh dear. Is it serious?

Father Ted

Sister Assumpta, you know we really are only up for the basic booze, fags and rollerblading deal. I mean, the getting up early thing is great but- This is water.

Sister Assumpta

That's right.

Father Ted

....Alright, alright, having a bit of a laugh with the big thickos from the island. Where's our real breakfast?

Father Dougal

Ted, I'd love a pop-tart.

Father Ted

Yes, Father Dougal likes his pop tarts first thing in the morning.

Sister Assumpta

I really don't think pop tarts have any place in our Lord's plan for the world.

Father Ted

I think they have as much a place as anything else. Maybe our Lord doesn't take a personal interest in them but I'm sure He delegates them to someone almost as important.

Father Dougal

What about....Frosties?

Father Ted

Again, same thing: He might not have come up with the idea but He'd be the one who'd give them the green light.

Father Dougal

Oh right. But if you take something like, say, Sugar Puffs, now or Lucky Charms-

Sister Assumpta

FATHERS, COULD YOU PLEASE- Could you please stop having that conversation, finish your breakfast and come outside for your daily punishment.

Father Ted

Hello there. (Ted realises who it is) Ah! Sister Assumpta!

Sister Assumpta

(shakes Ted's hand) Hello Father!

Father Ted

Dougal! Do you remember Sister Assumpta?

Father Dougal

Ah no.

Father Ted

She was here last year. And then we stayed with her in the convent back in Kildare. Do you remember it?

Father Ted

Ah you do! And then you were hit by the car when you went down to the shops for the paper.

Father Ted

You must remember all that! And then you won a hundred pounds with your lottery card? Ah you must remember it Dougal!

Sister Assumpta

And when you were accidentally arrested for shoplifting? I remember we had to go down to the police station to get you!

Sister Assumpta

And the police station went on fire? And you had to be rescued by helicopter?

Father Ted

Do you remember? You can't remember any of that?

Father Ted

The helicopter! When you fell out of the helicopter! Over the zoo! Do you remember the tigers? You don't remember?

Father Ted

You were wearing your blue jumper.

Father Dougal

(suddenly remembers) Ahhhh! Sister Assumpta! (shakes her hand)