Here you are, Father. It's a beautiful day out.
Me arse!
“And God Created Woman” · Season 1
In this episode: Father Ted (2), Father Jack (2), Mrs Doyle (2), Tom (1), Sister Assumpta (1)
(as Dougal wheels him on his chair with Mrs Doyle holding the door) Nuns! NUNS! Reverse! Reverse! Reverse! Reverse!
[quoting Polly Clark's books] "Eff you! Eff your effing wife! I'll stick this effing pitchforkup your hole", oh that was another one, oh yes![...] "Bastard this" and "Bastard that", you can't move for the bastards in her novels; it's wall-to-wall bastards![...] You bastard, you fecker, you bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face! [...] "Ride me sideways" was another one!
(as Tom comes out of the Post Office with money, to the sound of a robbery alarm and a gunshot) Ya haven't been up to your auld tricks again, have ya?
No, Father. 'Tis my money. I just didn't want to fill out the forms.
(Nuns are giggling at Ted's joke)
Anyway the thing is I might not be able to say this evening's Mass.
(Nuns suddenly go silent)
(aggressively) What Father?
I have something quite important to do.
Not more important than saying Mass Father?
It's just. Someone I know is dying.
Oh dear. Is it serious?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.