So God made us smart enough to know there's an answer, but not smart enough to figure it out?
(frustrated) "COME ON!!!"
You want to know the meaning of life? You're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. Canole....Marie
S1 E22Why Are We Here?
S2 E1Ray's on TV
RRaymond
Did I say cinamum on the show?
No, that's only to remember for when we go to iHop.
I could have eatin a box of alphabits and crapped a better interview!
S2 E2Father Knows Least
What are you supposed to do Ray, take away her naptime?
If she keeps misbehaving, we're taking away something that is important to her! What've you done?
Why do you think that is? Why do you think that is, Marie?!
I'm sleeping here tonight!
Good!
S2 E3Brother
I don't care what you say. Just get him out of the house. It's depressing.
S2 E4Mozart
...and E-G-B-D-F are the ones with the line running through it. {sic} You know that. What's E-G-B-D-F?
RRaymond
Ellen Garvey's Behind Deserves Framing.
I don't like that Raymond. It's Every Girl Bakes Delicious Fudge.
RRaymond
...or Eric Gunzel Boinked -
Oh Raymond!
RRaymond
That's - that's how I remember it. You've got the fudge way.
S2 E5Golf
This is what I have to put up with--your mother coming over here and telling me that I should make myself available to you!
RRaymond
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Did you just have sex with me because my mother told you to? (Wailing in disgust) Ewwwww! How sick is that?!
Very!
RRaymond
I'm thinking of my mother now!
(getting grossed-out herself) Ewwwwww!
RRaymond
Ewwwww! Why would you listen to her?
Because I love you, Ray! I care about you! I'm not the one running off to play golf to get away from me!
RRaymond
You don't think I care about you? Why do you think I'm confessing? Don't you see, I feel guilty?! Guilt! That means love! I had to come home and confess!
Yeah, but you waited until after we had sex.
RRaymond
Well, you're very good-looking!
S2 E6Anniversary
Come here, sign your parents anniversary card .
Oh look, a girl puppy nuzzling a boy puppy. Ray smiles. Well, youve captured them.
[Ray reads card aloud]
No bones about it, dog gone it, we love you
[hands card to Debra]
I'm sorry, I can't sign that.
Hey I have an idea. Why don't we send them the card you bought them!
Now I get it! I get it now. Dog gone it, cause there's dogs on it, very clever.
[Ray signs card]
I didn't see it at first, I see it now.
[handing a half-used tube of ointment to Debra] Here's the ointment I borrowed.
Oh.
I dont know what happened to the applicator.
[handing the half-used tube of ointment back to Robert] You know what, keep it.
That was a wonderful brunch, you two. Lovely.
Ma.
It was a little much.
We just thought that you would enjoy a nice anniversary brunch.
We don't enjoy things, dear.
Guess why.
Alright, come on. We were supposed to be celebrating today, right?
This marriage is nothing to celebrate.
But 40 years. That's a big milestone. Think of all the good times.
I had one good year.
There you go.
The year I left your mother.
What?
Frank! The children!
What's the big secret? We split up for a year. I came back, didn't I?
Wait a minute what are you talking about?
We almost got divorced.
[In disbelief] What?
There's a sad word. Almost.
I suppose it can't hurt to tell you now. We seperated for a year. It was a terrible time.
Seperated? When? When was this?
It's not important dear. I have to go to the bathroom.
Well I wanna know [remembering the surprise party in the living room] No, wait wait WAIT!
S2 E11The Letter
[after reading an insulting letter from Debra to Marie]
Is this a petition? Where do I sign?
[Debra walks in]
You're my favorite writer!
S2 E13Civil War
[Frank is showing Ray and Robert how to act at a Civil War Re-enactment]
Okay, I was just about to show Robert how to act when you get shot.
What, like upset?
No, it's got to be realistic. Here, let me show you. Robert, make a gunshot noise.
What caliber, .22 or .45?
Ray.
Bang.
[Frank grabs his chest and backs off]
[yelling] I'm hit! Keep fighting, men. Kill those rebel bastards!
[Frank backs away some more, in an overly dramatic pose and after a few seconds lies still]
Abigail. Dear Abigail, my pretty non-nagging Civil War wife.
[Frank gurgles and then finishes his acting by rolling his eyes. Ray and Robert stare on in disbelief. Frank gets up.]
See? Getting shot is fun.
Not if you're watching.
S2 E14Mia Famiglia
ZAunt Zarina
Holy Crap!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Loves Raymond pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.