Are you ok?
I'm fine.
Uh oh, fine is bad. What is it? What's the matter?
Nothing.
Nothing...nothing is worse!
S1 E2I Love You
I love you
...And I you
[Debra walks off]
Debra! DEBRA!
STELLA!
[to Marie and Robert] This love stuff....we never mention it again.
Oh, now I don't love you?
You don't say it.
I do.
No, you don't.
I do!
When do you say it?
WITH MY EYES!
Listen dad, when was the last time you said I love you to someone?
What? Do you live in a freaking fairyland?
When we first got married, I said "I love you" all the time.
When? When did you say it?
I said it all the time!
Were you in my office, mom?
Yeah I was trying to get a pen to do the crossword puzzles. You know, your desk drawer is locked.
DRDebra and Ray
Yeah, we lock it now. It keeps the kids out.
Oh, that's a good idea! I broke a knife in it.
You know that shampoo that says "no more tears" on the bottle? There's tears.
WWaitress
Extra sauce!
She's the saucy one.
WWaitress
And the assorted fried cheeses plate.
He's the fat one!
Hey, that's tongue. I thought you were a vegetarian.
[on the phone] Yea, I miss you too. Okay, yea, I'll see you tomorrow. And honey, I love you. Good, well, get used to it because I'm gonna say it all the time. Okay. Now give the phone to mommy.
S1 E3I Wish I Were Gus
Ray, I've got some news. I don't know the best way to break this... Your great-uncle Gus, dead!
Oh, no I liked him.
Yeah me too... Hey nuts!(referring to a bowl of nuts on the table)
He wants you to deliver his eulogy
Why? I hardly knew the guy.
It was his dying wish.
Even dead people love Raymond.
AAlda
What's your problem Marie? I can't even say a word without you topping me.
I can't help it, you're easily topped!
You never even sent a gift.
AAlda
My gift was that I came at all.
What kind of a horse's ass gift is that?
AAlda
You'd be lucky to have a horse's ass!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Loves Raymond pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.