Chris, when I get out, I'm comin' after you. Y-O-O.
’’’Chris’’’: Heeeeelppppp!!!!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
They... they let you out?
Yeah. I got time off for good behavior.
That's like letting the Devil outta Hell.
Hey Bosco, I heard you got a Betamax.
Yeah? So?
I got a movie for you: a comedy. [hands Chris a video tape with the Ku Klux Klan on the cover]
"Birth of A Nation"?
It's hilarious. You'll love it!
Man, you didn't even have a real gun?
It's hard to rob a gun store, man, they got guns!
[Julius is getting ready to sit down to a bowl of popcorn, a few cases of beer, and to watch "The Young & The Restless".] While I was hoping I'd never see Malvo again, my father couldn't wait to see "The Young & The Restless" again.
Here we go. [He hits the play button on the remote to the Betamax.]
WWoman
Stay tuned for "The Young & The Restless."
[He picks up a beer, but before he can drink his beer, he ends up seeing a cartoon, with which Tonya has erased "The Young & The Restless". He puts his beer down.] [to the camera; raising his voice] What the... ? Cartoons?!?!? Who recording cartoons over my "Young & The Restless"?!?!?
Now remember, the only way you're going to get along with Caruso is to understand why he hates you. He needs your help.
But if I'm helping him, who's gonna help me?
You're helping yourself.
Spoken like a true white man.
You were fighting. Why?
'Cause he hates black people, and I'm a black person!
That's a lie! I love Michael Jordan. I think Gary Coleman is hysterical. And don't even get me started about Billy Ocean.
"Caribbean Queen." That's a very good song.
See?
Just because you watch Soul Train don't make you Don Cornelius!
The next year Drew got a Yankees jersey that said "Mezzie Mackson."
My father could've spanked Tonya or grounded her until she was grown, but he said something that made her feel worse than all of that.
I'm really disappointed in you.
[Tonya is dressed as a geisha]
Father, I have brought disgrace to myself and to our family. [gets out a belt]
Tonya, no!
Leave me now, Father. I must whup myself until you can find it in your heart to forgive me. [whips herself repeatedly]
As class president, I thought things would change for me, but I couldn't have been more wrong.
Here's how this works, Tonya. You could keep lyin' or you could tell me you took my earrings. You decide.
You promise you won't yell?
I won't yell.
I took your earrings, and I lost one.
DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY EARRINGS?!
You promised you wouldn't yell!
I've been fallin' for that one for years.
Do you know how valuable those earrings were, Tonya? Huh?
Whenever my mother was ready to kill one of us, she'd always count down from 5.
5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Imma let you're father handle this.
You're supposed to get a hundred. You don't get a prize for doing well.
My father never rewarded good behavior.
Dad, I cleaned the tub.
You're supposed to clean the tub. It's your dirt ring.
Hey Dad, I fixed the heater.
You're supposed to fix the heater. You're the one who likes it warm.
Hey Dad, I slaughtered a pig.
You're supposed to slaughter a pig. You're the one who likes bacon.
To get back to Brooklyn, it felt like we went around the entire city. We went through Chinatown, the meatpacking district... we even went through theatre district. The only place we didn't go through was our school district.
Listening to Patti LaBelle could make my mother feel good, no matter what.
[Rochelle is in Mexico being blindfolded]
Come on, Pepito! I told you, man, I didn't do it!
MMMexican Man
¿Cuál es tu última voluntad? (What is your last wish?)
Can you play "New Attitude?"
My father and Michael didn't get along because whatever my father said, my uncle said the opposite.
[Julius and Michael are at a car dealership]
I like the Ford.
MMichael
I like the Chevy.
[Julius and Michael are at an art museum]
I wanna look at Picasso.
MMichael
I wanna look at Matisse.
[Julius and Michael are having beer]
Hmm, tastes great!
MMichael
Less filling.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.