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SEASON 1

Everybody Hates Chris · Season 1

Everybody Hates Chris Season 1 quotes

729 quotes · page 4 of 49

S1 E15Unfinished Business

When it comes to Father's Day, nobody gave a damn.

RMRestaurant Manager

It's Father's Day, people! Come on down to Pastures and Shores! The food is half-price! [a family approaches] ¡Buenas noches! ¿Cómo se dice half-off?

The movies are terrible..

BMBlack Man

[as everyone is running out of the theater] Aaah! Turn it off! Turn it off!

The gifts suck...

WWWhite Wife

Ta-daa!

WHWhite Husband

What the hell is this?

WWWhite Wife

It's a parking space, honey. We got you a parking space!

Better park and be happy. And the only song for fathers was this.

[The Temptations sing Papa Was a Rollin' Stone]

I tried to imagine doin' the things that Greg talked about with my father, like bringin' him Cap'n Crunch and cantaloupe.

Are you crazy? Well you better get me some bacon!

I thought about takin' my dad to the zoo to see some penguins.

We're payin' $3.50 to see a bird that can't fly? What you gonna show me next, rats that don't eat cheese?

LLouise

Stay away from my granddaughter, you cockeyed hooligan!

Turns out older women didn't like me, either.

After getting put down by Keisha and stood up by Yvette, I was through having crushes on girls in the neighborhood, and I meant it.

Keisha was the first girl I ever really cared about. Even though she never really cared about me, when I found out her family was moving, I was sad to see her go.

Hey. Where y'all movin' to?

KKeisha

We're going to this place in California. It's supposed to be really, really nice. Palm trees and lawns, no violence, and no crime.

Well, what's it called?

KKeisha

Compton.

I always wondered how that worked out for them.

[in Compton, California]

MMan

[off-screen] Bust a cap in 'em! [the Ridenhours' rear window shatters, implying someone shot through it]

RMr. Ridenhour

Get down, Keisha! Get down, girl, get down!

Upside the head! [smacks Chris in the head]

The next politician to use that phrase was Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

LLouise

You keep your nasty little nappy-headed son away from my granddaughter. That's how I'm doing.

That look means all seven of the words you can't say on television.

Tasha Clarkson was the new girl next door. Unlike just about every other girl in the neighborhood, she didn't hate me.

Malvo was the neighborhood's repeat offender. He always committed crimes. He always got caught. And he always got out. When "Shawshank Redemption" came out, Malvo thought it was a comedy.

The only time my dad ever brought something new home was when it was old to everybody else.

I asked for a sewing machine. What the hell is this?

A loom.

What is that?

A stove.

If that's the stove, where's the witch? I asked for a car. What the hell is this?

A rickshaw. That's Rick.

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