Everybody Hates Chris · Season 1
How was it havin' Greg over?
Cool. Can he stay over again sometime?
Are you nuts?! I never worked so hard in my entire life!
And I want my bed back!
And she is not makin' me eat no more tofu.
Whoa, you gave your brother's bed to Greg?!
And you sit up here washin' dishes for the white man!
And that little TV show NOVA was boring!
I'm tired of bein' a vegetarian short-order cook!
I can't decide on a hairstyle. I'm stuck between Verdine White and Dr. J.
I cannot cut your hair, Greg.
Why not?
First of all, your hair's not long enough to be Verdine White, and it's not curly enough to be Dr. J. I've never used these scissors on straight hair. I don't know what will happen. I'll start cuttin' your hair, man, sparks start flyin' everywhere, your whole head catch on fire. And I will NOT be sued by white people!
I got a good feeling about you and Karen. What's goin' on?
Come out with your hands up!
Look, before you picked me up, I robbed a bank.
Robbed a bank?!
And every place we stopped since we left Jersey.
By 1986, I'd been workin' at Doc's for three years. Outside of gettin' robbed four times, sick on the pickles three times, and a double hernia, it was the single greatest job I ever had.
Minimum wage. Shoot. There was a time when the maximum wage for black folks was zero.
I decided on an ultimatum.
Doc, listen. I come in on time and I never leave early. I work hard, so I deserve minimum wage. And if you're not gonna give me a raise, I'm gonna have to leave. It's a matter of principles.
Is that an ultimatum?
Well, is it?
Yeah.
Sir, are you hiring?
Well, am I?
I tried to get minimum wage while my father tried to get minimum sleep.
If I developed a drug problem, my next job might be President.
Girl, I am so excited! So, what styles do you have in mind?
Well, let me tell you about my follicular extravaganza.
My mother imagined herself in the Eiffel Tower, the helicopter, and the black smacker.
While my mother got a dye job, I went to get a job-job.
This was the first restaurant in Bed-Stuy without a bulletproof window. It was the bulletproof fish place, then the bulletproof salad bar, and the bulletproof hot dog stand.
The next day I got $3.35 worth of new job.
What are you doing?
Oh, I finished the dishes, so I decided to start my homework.
No homework! You have work-work!
But Doc always let me start my homework.
Well, you are not at Doc's anymore! Go fix the menu numbers!
I was gettin' minimum wage and havin' minimum fun.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
