Everybody Hates Chris · Season 1
[the kids are watching TV]
What are you doing?
Turning to MacGyver.
But I wanted to watch NOVA.
NOVA?!? What is that?
It's a show on PBS about science as it relates to the universe.
Cool! That's almost like MacGyver.
Just like Lawrence Welk is like Soul Train.
Chris, Greg is your guest. Let him watch NOVA. [to Greg, serving dessert] Gelato?
Is that Italian for "Jell-O?"
Thanks!
I thought havin' Greg stay over would be fun. Probably what the Indians thought when they first saw Columbus.
Not just his deposit, everybody's deposit.
Eventually, the phone company started hangin' up on my father.
How come you don't do your homework like that, Chris?
Because I'm too busy cuttin' up boxes.
Why don't you just fly to Vegas?
Oh, um... I'm, um... I'm claustrophobic.
Not to mention truthophobic!
Back at home, Greg and I were havin' our own stand-off, without the guns and the masculinity.
Meanwhile, in Las Vegas, my dad rolled the dice tryin' to reason with a madman.
Back at school, Greg was catching up on more than his studies.
What year did the American Revolution begin, Greg? Greg?!?
[waking up] 1942.
Greg, what's wrong with you? You're usually so alert.
It's because he's staying at my house for a week.
Oh my God, he's drunk?!? Did he have a 40 for breakfast?
I'm not drunk. I'm just not used to getting up so early.
Don't be ashamed. Chris' people have a history of being up when the rooster crows to go to work in the fields. Who could expect you to keep up? Go back to sleep.
She was Don Imus in a dress.
Hey, Greg. What's up?
My dad's going out of town for a week. I have to stay with my grandmother. Not looking forward to it.
Why not?
[Greg and his grandmother are at a German party and a banner saying "Willkommen Greg!" is above everyone]
Left, right, left heel, right, left, right...
[on the phone] Rochelle, it's me. Listen, I won't be home for dinner tonight. I have to take a passenger to Vegas.
Vegas?! Julius, are you crazy? What about your regular job?
I have a few sick days I can use. I'll be back by the end of the week.
Julius, you are not drivin' that cab to Vegas.
The guy's gonna pay me $1000.
Get me Wayne Newton's autograph. Bye! [hangs up]
[angrily] Why didn't you wake me up?
You told me you didn't want me to do anything for you, so I didn't.
That didn't mean I wanted you to let me sleep through school. I missed the quarterly history test!
Well, maybe you shoulda gone to bed dressed as Superman. That way you coulda flown to school. [walks away]
Good thing he doesn't have heat vision.
Hey, I just got a nickname!
Hey, you just got robbed!
My dad had turned into Al Cowlings, and he didn't even know it.
If my dad were alive to see the price of gas today, it'd kill him.
[to Greg] Why didn't you tell me they were Negroes? It's OK, but I would've appreciated a little warning.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
