Everybody Hates Chris quotes

Narrator

After talking to Greg, I imagined what my father would say to me.

Julius

So you just gonna quit, huh? All these people who made it possible for you to become the first black class president, and now you just gonna quit?

Yeah. And what if we quit? Black people would never have become pilots.

If I had quit, pancakes would taste like crap.

If I had quit, Cream of Wheat would've been called "Cream of White!"

If I had quit, it would take hours to cook rice.

Narrator

Back at school, it was Crouching Tiger, Hidden Truth.

Narrator

Back at school, I stopped making promises and started making demands.

Chris

I'd like all book reports to be on books that were made into movies.

Are you high? I'm asking, not judging.

Chris

No, I'm just trying to fulfill my campaign promises.

Mrs. Milone

Just for curiosity's sake, what else did you promise?

Chris

A TV in the library, more field trips, instituting recess, and no more detention.

Chris, how are you going to know how to act when you get stopped by the police if we don't give you detention?

Narrator

To win my office, I told them everything they wanted to hear. There was only one problem: they listened.

You promised to take us to a Knicks game!

You promised I'd get a new locker!

You promised I'd get a raise!

You promise I get a shave!

You promised we'd get some real meat!

Chris

Can I at least get French fries at lunch?

I always thought you'd be more the sweet potato type.

Drew

Hey, Dad. Can we take a break?

Julius

Did Martin Luther King, Jr. take a break? Did Moses take a break? Did Gandhi take a break?

Narrator

He took a break from eatin'!

Narrator

My mac 'n cheese looked so good, Gandhi would've snuck himself a plate.

Rochelle

(After Julius looks at the burnt Mac and Cheese) That's your mother's recipe?

Julius

How come you didn't wake me up?

Rochelle

Because you woke me up at 5:00 in the morning. What are you going to do with this Mac and Cheese?

Julius

I sent Chris down to get some more.

Rochelle

You sent Chris down to look for Macaroni and Cheese on Thanksgiving? That's like trying to find candles on Hanukkah.

Julius

Well, don't worry about it. Look, I'll start on the turkey and finish the cobbler.

Rochelle

Well, where are you going to cook the Mac and Cheese?

Julius

In the oven.

Rochelle

When?

Julius

What are you talking about?

Rochelle

The turkey's gonna take five hours at 300 degrees, the mac and cheese is gonna take two hours at 320 degrees, then the cobbler's gonna take 45 minutes at 425 degrees. You've already lost two hours' worth of Three Mile Island here, so I'd say we'll be eating dinner around about 1:30 in the morning. That's if nothing goes wrong.

Narrator

My mother was bad at math, except when it came to multiplying my father's headaches.

Doc

You're looking for Macaroni and Cheese on Thanksgiving? That's like trying to find candles on Hanukkah.

Chris

Well, I did make the Mac and Cheese, but I burnt it.

Chris

[speaking in front of the class] To me, Thanksgiving means family and togetherness. Thanksgiving came about when the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. The Indians greeted them, provided them shelter, taught them how to grow corn and how to prepare for the winter, and went on to cook one of the greatest meals the pilgrims ever ate. And in their appreciation for showing them how to prosper and survive in this brave new world, the pilgrims killed the Indians and created a holiday in their honor. So, on this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for my family, my friends, but most importantly, I'm thankful that I'm not a Native American.

Kill Moves

Is that burnt mac 'n cheese?

Julius

Yeah. Why?

Kill Moves

It's just the way I like it!

Narrator

He wants that blackaroni, 'cause he's on that crackaroni.

Narrator

Even before video, Drew learned the secret to being a good singer was to not sing at all.

Narrator

(as Drew sings poorly in the bathroom) Holy Ralph Tresvant!

Narrator

As a kid, I wasn't superstitous but; everybody in my family was. If my mother spilled salt, she would always tossed it over her shoulder for good luck.

Julius

Nooooooo! (Jumps in front of the salt for his popcorn and crashes)

Narrator

That's 9 cent worth of salt.

Narrator

Drew wouldn't walk under a ladder, no matter what.

Sonny, help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Drew

If you want me to help you, you gotta crawl from underneath this ladder first.

Narrator

Tonya would believe that if she stepped on a crack, she would break my mother's back.

Tonya

(Tonya steps on a crack and screams) NOOOOOOOOO!

Rochelle

(Moans after her back is broken in pain while eating her chocolate turtles)

Chris

[speaking in front of the class] Was it lucky when King Kong defeated those planes? No, 'cause he didn't defeat the planes. They shot his behind clear off the Empire State Building. Now, if King Kong had spent some time learning how to fight some planes instead of chasing that little white girl around, he would still be alive to this very day.