Jo Lupo quotes from Eureka

Fargo

Tess, can I get another story thing? I think mine overloaded.

Carter

Oh, ya think? You've been the center of every disaster this town's ever had.

Fargo

Not all of them.

Jo

Uh, death ray, homicidal smart house... ooh, uh, force field bubble.

Carter

Yeah, keep a tally, we can start a pool.

Fargo

That's not funny.

Jo

Somebody looks tense, what's the matter?

Carter

Well, Captain Yuri has me going through Eureka's entire library of disaster plans. I mean, tsunami, uh, missile attack, um... genetically modified, super-intelligent ferret infestation.

Jo

Cool.

Carter

Yeah. And, um, apparently, we have, uh, an emergency pneumatic vacuum tube communication system.

Jo

(nods) Mmm.

Carter

No we don't! I mean, wh-wh-wh- what? It's behind some picture in some wall? (she stands up and walks across the room) And, I mean, look at these plans... (She swings back the picture of George W. Bush on its hinge revealing the pneumatic device.) Oh...

Jo

(fluffing Zane's pillows angrily) Why is it that every guy I date ends up in this infirmary?

Zane

'Cause you're bad luck, obviously.

Jo

A joke. At my expense. Glad to have you back. (moves to the other side of the bed and continues to attack the pillows)

Zane

Suspected me? Of what?

Jo

Well, Taggart got frozen I... and he and I... used... to... like, you know...

Zane

Really. Huh, you thought I loved you that much.

Zane

(getting out of the infirmary bed, looks down) You seen my pants?

[to Carter] Nemesis is a neutron star that's been theorized to be in binary orbit with our sun.

Fargo

It crosses earth's orbit every 65 million years, causing an extinction-level event.

Jo

Like a killer asteroid?

Fargo

That's not even the half of it. The tidal stresses from the star's gravitational pull could cause a sudden reversal of Earth's magnetic poles and unleash earthquakes, tsunamis, total global chaos!

The world could literally be turned upside-down.

Carter

All right, um, I'll check with Henry. How much time do we have?

If we're lucky? Maybe 2,000 years.

Carter

[disbelieving] Two...thou–hmm. See, that's not so much a problem. So next time, don't bury the lead.

Carter

So the laws of physics are in peril, my daughter's moving out and the worlds coming to an end?

Jo

I say, have the muffin.

Jo

You okay there, Tex?

Carter

Oh yeah, I mean, don't believe them when they say lighting doesn't strike twice in the same place.

Zane

Bite me Lupo!

Jo

Don't tempt me.

Fargo

Hello, cop types? Bad guys ain't gonna find themselves!

Carter

Is he getting bossier?

Jo

I kind of like it.

Jo

Listen, Carter. When we were halucinating, I sort of told Zane that we used to be together. And then I threw his grandmother's ring at him.

Carter

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Deputy Andy

(Releasing Zane from the jail cell) Sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Donovan. The evidence was overwhelming.

Zane

Well, you can relax 'cause I'm not gonna sue you.

Jo

Well, glad to see the experience hasn't hardened you. Thanks for your help.

Jo

Zane, let it go. Grant's been cleared and so have you.

Zane

I'm not talking about Grant. You had my grandmother's engagement ring, Jo. C'mon, tell me what we were to each other.

Jo

Nothing. I gotta go. (turns to leave)

Zane

Then why didn't that feel like a first kiss?

Carter

Taggart's Santa.

Jo

You just wrecked Christmas with two words.

Zane

Looking good Loop-o. I meant the house. (seeing Jo's new house for the first time) A little small though. Didn't know you were building a TARDIS house.

Jo

A what?

Zane

Big on the inside, tiny on the... oh, never mind.

Jo

(Speaking to the Astreaus candidates) I said toes on the line you worthless bunch of P.H.ds! You are group Alpha. I will be attempting to train you for the physical fitness requirements of the Astraeus Project. This is my lab. You wanna go into space - (to Zane) on purpose - you gotta go through me first. Who can tell me what a push up is? [...] Why don't you all show me what a push up is? Say 50 times? Down on the ground! (to a secientist) You're a botanist right? Kiss my grass! (to Henry) Looking good Dr. Deacon.

Henry

Thank you Jo. Oh, I... uh, Ms. Lupo.

Jo

Come on Alphas! Group Bravo says you are the sorriest collection of community college rejects they've ever seen. You wanna prove them right?!? (bending down to the level of another scientist) What kind of mathematician can't get to 50?

Zane

49, 50. Anything else Ms. Lupo?

Jo

Well I say 50 more. Cupcake.

Deputy Andy

(directing evacuees into GD) This way, ladies and gentlemen.

Jo

You heard Mr. Data. No pushing, stay calm.

Jo

Toes on the line! Group Bravo, Group Alpha says that you are the sorriest collection of community college rejects -- (sees Zane) Zane, whatcha doin'?

Zane

Hammer curls Ms. Lupo.

Jo

Are you trying to mess with me?

Zane

No ma'am. I'm here for candidate training.

Jo

You're in group Alpha.

Zane

I'm in all the groups. I like a challenge.

Jo

You can't do that. Put on your uniform. He can't do that. (to Holly) Can he - can he do that?

Holly

Looks like he can. Impressive display of musculature and stamina.

Jo

Yeah, if you like that sort of thing.

Holly

Too bad about his criminal record. (Sees Jo's look) I mean sure, the whole bad boy thing has a certain appeal, but those felonies make him no fly.

Jo

So he's...

Holly

Totally ineligible for the mission