Jack Carter quotes from Eureka

If you want sex, reverse the hex.

Stark

Sheriff, at any point when you picked him up, the car ride, the long walk down here, happen to notice this guy's not all there?

Carter

Yeah, there may have been signs.

Carter

[Reading memorial plaque on wall while strapped into an experimental chair] "In memory of Skippy."

Allison

Oh, he was everyone's favorite test chimp.

Carter

Did he die on this thing!?

Allison

No! The autopsy was inconclusive.

Carter

I don't know what's going on, but my gut says it's bad.

Taggart

His guts should have told you that.

Carter

Okay, let’s say someone literally is speed-freaking. Uh, what signs would I look for?

Henry

Besides running at 600 miles an hour?

Put the gun down, Dylan.

Why? So I can go to jail for the rest of my life?

Zoe

Damn straight!

Not helping!

This is obstruction of justice.

Zoe

How do you figure?

You’re making me late for work.

Jo

[on radio] S2 to S1. Repeat S2 to S1, over.

Carter

Jo, it's just you and me you can feel free to be a little less formal. [Radio silence] Over.

Jo

There's an electrical problem at Osbourne's farm on the way into town, over.

Carter

See was that so hard?

You didn't say over.

Carter

I know, it's gonna bug her all day long.

Carter

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Allison

What?

Carter

It's really creepy in there.

Allison

That's some really sharp police work Carter.

Carter

It's well documented Allison. A siesta works. It increases worker satisfaction and productivity and it is a dying art.

Allison

Napping is not an art.

Carter

Well, you haven't seen me nap, I take it to a whole new level.

Fargo

I'm sure you did a great job in the last town you worked in-

Carter

America, Fargo. I was a US Marshal, America was my last town.

Stark

Wake me when it's over.

Allison

Reminds me of the last time we slept together.

Carter

Ooh!

Stark

At least you can remember it.

Carter

[into phone] Hey, uh, Allison, it's Jack. Listen, um, people are acting a little weird and we...well, frankly you're acting a little weird. Um, but, we should really get together and sort this out before it gets any worse.

Jo

[manhandling Seth into the station] Caught him trying to burn down Fargo's house.

Carter

[still into phone] Too late.

Jo

You're no fun.

Carter

You know what'd be fun?

Jo

Ice skating!

Carter

Never mind.

Carter

I can't.

Allison

[glances down, amused] Really? [looks down again]

Carter

Oh, no, I mean, I can! I'm fully capable.

Carter

Taggart.

Taggart

Mm?

Carter

You're naked.

Taggart

Au Naturale.

Carter

May I ask why?

Taggart

Why not?