Jack Carter quotes from Eureka

Stark

So, you sleeping with her?

Carter

Excuse me?

Stark

You said I'd gotten the wrong impression. I assumed you were talking about my wife. Not that I have any right to ask--

Carter

You're right, you don't.

Stark

You're not. But you'd like to.

Carter

I'll let you know if I get anywhere. With the ghost, I mean.

Carter

Tell me Henry, you're a scientist, do you believe in ghosts?

Henry

Well, I believe in energy. When somebody dies, that energy has to go somewhere. So, theoretically I suppose it's possible.

Carter

I went back to check some of my own, personal files, and they've been classified. I mean, my files.

Allison

(grinning) It's not my fault that there are things about yourself that you're just not cleared to know.

Carter

Yeah, I'd hate to stumble across something that if I told me, I'd have to kill me.

Allison

You think agents of a foreign government would be after your underwear?

Carter

Maybe. I can pretty up when I want to.

Carter

How are you so strong?!

Jo

I'm small...but I'm scrappy.

Zoe

I was up all night reading Shakespeare!

Uh-huh. You're really into the school play, huh?

Zoe

Yeah, you know, um, I think drama club is really helping me find myself... emotionally. Um, I feel like I'm really starting to fit in.

How many classes do you get to skip for rehearsal?

Zoe

Last period every day, including geometry. Love drama.

Jo

My mom used to make my costumes.

Carter

You used to do theater?

Jo

Believe it or not, Carter, I didn't have childhood dreams of becoming a commando.

Carter

So you went from being told to break a leg, to actually breaking them?

Carter

We're being Puck-ed with.

Jo

You're argument is so strong it's almost petty of me to ask: how?

Carter

He's got a thing.

Jo

A thing

Carter

Yeah. A-a-a gizmo, a device. Has to be a device.

Jo

Do you have a piece of device-oriented evidence?

Carter

I figured it all out. I know what you're up to.

In regards to...?

Carter

I know that you have a device that can...create a wormhole, or, uh, bend time, or make you invisible...or a wormholing, time-bending, invisibling device, that shields you from the mind.

Stark

Yes, he said "invisibling".

Carter

[points] There. That's the device that invades your mind.

It also starts my car. [shows ordinary car-keys]

Carter

Henry, You don't believe in aliens, do you?

Henry

No, I believe in Occam's Razor. It’s the basis for methodological reductionism.

Carter

... Oh, Yeah. So... still dizzy...

Henry

Okay, so, given two equally predictive theories, you choose the one that has fewer assumptions. So, a tree falls after a storm. The first hypothesis holds that the tree was blown over by the storm. The second - rival hypothesis - claims that the storm forced an alien spaceship to cash into the tree. See?

Carter

Y-no.

Allison

So everybody's okay?

Carter

Oh no... they're freaking bug nuts! (to soldier) Restraints now!

You’re not Sheriff Cobb.

Carter

Ah, no. Sheriff Cobb retired. I took his place. (awkward pause) There was a town meeting, and, uh, uh, everything. I gave a speech.

Carl

I don’t get out much.

Carter

Yeah, I’m gathering.

Carter

But since I’m here, what is your emergency, exactly?

Carl

I have to get to work.

Carter

You called 911 to bum a ride?

Carter

This ion beam thingy, that is what, exactly?

Henry

Irradiated uranium isotopes.

Fargo

Oh God!

Carter

Oh death ray. Why didn't you just say "death ray"?

Henry

I searched your entire database and there's not one single record of silos or irradiated isotopes or ionosphere particles.

Carter

Did you try "death ray"?