E.R. Season 13 quotes

Hope, would you drive a Lamborghini to a Laundromat? Hitch Seabiscuit to a plow? Have Eddie Van Halen play air guitar? I'm Dr. Morris. I don't do migraines!

[examining the X-ray of a patient] How'd he get an ice pick shoved in his ear?

Gates

Ran out of Q-tips?

The human shish kebab will be fine, no thanks to that incredibly imbecilic stunt of yours.

Hey, how were we supposed to know the handle would break off?

Ok, alright, just for fun, let's pretend that you each have even a modicum of gray matter that you've somehow managed to fashion into some crude rudimentary semblance of a brain. Then you would know you never pull out something near a vital structure unless you're in the OR.

Hope

We remove foreign bodies all the time in the ER.

Pulling a vibrator out of someone's ass. Not the same thing.

Hey, hey! Dr. Bobeck acted under my supervision and on my orders.

Perfect! It's the halfwit leading the dimwit!

Look, you obnoxious bore! The ER works damn hard for every patient we see. We acted in this guy's best interest when no one, not even surgery, would give him the time of day. Now, did we do something that didn't work? Yes. Fine, it happens sometimes. I will take full responsibility, but at least we got off of our asses and tried to help.

Oh, well, gold stars for the ER asses!

Hey! What is it about your need to belittle other people? Does insulting someone make you feel like a man? Bolster what little self-esteem you're clinging to? Wow! You know, I can't even begin to imagine what happened in your life to make you the kind of person that everybody hates.

Hope

I could kiss you right now.

Really?

Hope

Umm...Now it's gone.

Luka

[while feeding Joe] Joe! Next time, try eating your apricots, not throwing them! [Joe smiles] Hey! You think this is funny? [Joe laughs, and Luka gently imitates his laughter, then puts the spoon down and sits him up in his high chair] Girls don't like it when you wear your food. Trust me.

Pratt

Turns out, not everyone who experiments is gay.

Kerry

Excuse me?

Pratt

I'm talking about my brother, Chaz. It's like he said, it's just a phase.

Kerry

Is that so?

Pratt

Yep. You remember that girl he took home for Thanksgiving?

Kerry

Um hmm.

Pratt

Well, she spent the night. My brother's straight!

Kerry

Gee, Greg, you must be so proud.

Pratt

What? No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was, uhh...well, you, you know.

Kerry

Yeah, and you're not my only black friend.

Luka

When Jasna and the kids died, I needed to make a change, and I decided to move here. Made my brother really angry. He said that I was a coward, and that I was running away. And it's only recently that I've come to know that he was wrong. I wasn't running away from anything. I was running to you. And I'll never let anything take this away.

Don't you know that there's a rule that if millions of kids believe in the same thing, it becomes real?

That's not a rule.

Yeah. Every time you're generous, or thoughtful, or help someone who needs help, that's a little bit of Santa too.

Gates

If we have a problem man, just spit it out, 'cause I don't speak bitchy.

Ray

Oh, you seem pretty fluent to me.

Neela

[to Ray and Tony] Why don't you either slap each other silly, or kiss now and get it over with?

At the end of the day, it's just us in the mirror. We're the ones who determine our own moral value. And to me, that's what Christmas is all about.

It is like some dorky angel has taken control of my mouth.

Neela

That little tosser just called me a whore.

Abby

She seems so sweet.

Neela

I've never been called a whore!

Abby

Did she say "dirty whore" or "filthy whore"?

Neela

Is there a difference?

Abby

Depends on the whore.

You must be that guy who's always riding Uncle Tony. You know, like a bull in heat?

Gates

Shh!

Pratt

So, uh, what else does Uncle Tony say about me?

The rest I'm not allowed to say.

You remember when we lived in that trailer?

Alex Taggart

You guys lived in a trailer?

It was a mobile home.

That's uppity for "trailer."

Kerry

You're firing me? And this is how you tell me?

Luka

There's no good way.

Kerry

[to the staff, after saying she resigned and took the job in Miami] So, if you're ever in Miami, turn on Channel 6 and that's where you'll find me. And if I'm not there, I'll be on the beach with my son.