Chuny quotes from E.R.

Chuny

Peter, Carter's on the radio and needs to talk to you!

Chuny

He's performing a double amputation by himself.

Benton

What?

Abby

[about Weaver] When is she going on Christmas vacation?

Chuny

Scrooge? Never!

Chuny

[about Luka] I'm not working with him.

Abby

Why?

Chuny

Because he treats nurses like idiots!

Luka

Hey, if your boots fit!

Abby

Shoes.

Luka

Whatever.

Susan

I thought nurses were supposed to be angels of mercy?

Chuny

Even mercy has a price.

What is it with Kovac and his holier than thou healing hands? I'm getting pretty sick of that.

Chuny

Oh, I don't know. Those healing hands have their good points. Right, Abby?

Did you go out with Kovac?

Abby

Briefly, yeah.

And Carter?

Abby

Yep.

Chuny

Abby's the ER slut.

Abby

I went out with two doctors in five years that I've worked with.

Hey, Abby. Are we still on for tonight?

Abby

Yeah.

Great.

Abby

We're studying! And you shouldn't talk, Chuny.

Pratt

What's this?

It's a vigil for Danielle.

Pratt

But she's not dead.

They're praying to keep her that way.

Pratt

Really?

Really.

Pratt

[hugs her] Not bad, Olivia- not bad, baby.

Chuny

Pratt! The little girl broke down in the elevator- we had to move her back to Trauma Two!

Pratt

[to Olivia as he leaves] Tell 'em to keep prayin'.

Abby

Got anything for me, Chief?

Oh, yes. For you: Anal warts-

Abby

Every girl's dream.

And raw oyster anphylaxis.

Chuny

Ugh, how can anyone eat those things?

Abby

They're supposed to be an aphrodisiac.

Trust me, they work.

Ray

Jeez, could you find a bigger card?

Chuny

Despite what you've been told, Ray, size does matter.

Luka

OK, listen up- I've got reassignments for all of you during the E.R. closure.

Pratt

How come you're just telling us this today?

Luka

I thought I could prevent this, but Anspaugh's not budging.

Malik

How long we shuttin' down for?

Luka

I'm not sure.

Chuny

Great- I'm sure I'll end up giving enemas in Geriatrics.

Luka

No, you're going to I.C.U. [Chuny looks relieved] Malik, Geriatrics. [Malik looks incredulous] Pratt, Family Medicine. Abby, you're going to the NICU-

Abby

Uh, I'm not going to the NICU. [Luka looks up quickly, then remembers]

Luka

Right. I'll, uh, fix that.

A toast: to meeting nice guys.

Chuny

To falling in love.

Dawn

To sex without batteries.

Pratt

So, Harold, how do you like your iPod?

Yeah, it's cool.

Neela

Abdomen's soft and non-tender.

Pratt

I remember when you had to go to the record store to buy music.

Harold

I bought my first CD when I was 10.

Chuny

Sonosite's ready.

Pratt

So, when was that, like mid-'90s? Eminem? Huh?

Harold

He wasn't around yet.

Pratt

Right, right. Probably, uh, Spice Girls then?

Harold

Mozart Clarinet Concert in A Major, Richard Stoltzman, soloist.

Chuny

It's like a sterilization scene out of some bad sci-fi movie.

Frank

If it means no more children for Morris, it's a service to mankind.

Abby

Well, I guess I let the cat out of the bag, huh? [pause] This kinda group thing, I was kinda hoping to avoid. But, um, Luka's picking me up, and since you're all here- I just wanna say it's been a great decade.

Excuse me? What the hell?

She's leaving, Archie.

When?!

Gates

Now, you idiot.

What? You are- you are? [Abby nods, the others giggle, Morris walks up to her and hugs her] You never said anything!

Abby

[bemused] I just, I- kinda thought you got the idea.

I didn't! [looks to the others, then hugs her again] I didn't!

Abby

Well, I- you know, Archie, it's amazing that you've managed to make my last moment here about you. I love that.

I love you too! [everyone laughs]

Abby

Okay... [Morris finally lets go of her] I'm gonna miss you guys. We'll be thinking about you... so long.

Chuny

Bye, Abby. [Abby smiles, nods and walks out to the bay entrance, where Luka is waiting for her]

Chuny

[about Gates] Oh, you still love him? What are you going to do?

I plan on being irrationally hurt and angry for as long as I like.

Chuny

[smiles] Sounds good.

If I drive it, they will come.

Chuny

Who will come?

My future wife, kids, and our dog, Buster.