Frank Martin quotes from E.R.

Frank

42" plasma screen? Why would you get rid of that?

Luka

Well, the Congo isn't exactly HD-ready.

Abby

[about Dr. Weaver] Where is she going?

Frank

Home, to wait for the Ghost of Christmas Past to show up.

[about Carter] So, what's his story?

Frank

Richer and better looking than you or I will ever be. The end!

Abby

Frank, did any labs come back on the Goram kid? [Frank doesn't answer, he's leaning against the desk looking pale] Frank! You alright?

Frank

I think I'm havin' a heart attack.

Abby

Are you kidding?

Frank

Do I look like I'm kidding?!

Abby

Okay, here- here! [she pulls over a chair] Sit down! I need some nitro- [Frank sits down, lets loose a massive, prolonged belch; Abby fans the air in front of her]

Frank

[sighs, feeling better] Oh, that feels a lot better. You know, I'll bet it was just those breakfast perogies.

Frank

You waiting for Weaver?

Yeah.

Well, don't hit her. She's crippled.

Pratt

We had to open up your chest to bypass the blockage. So, no more nachos. No more peirogis.

Frank

I'm in hell, right? You killed me. You and your faithful Indian companion.

That intern, Abby, do you know if she's seeing anybody?

Frank Martin

Just me. It's a casual, sexual relationship, but we're always looking for a third.

Frank

Aren't you two supposed to keep 50 feet apart or something?

Bite me, Frank.

Frank

If you ask me, you're better off without her.

Luka

I didn't.

Frank

Well, if it isn't the "Hatchet Lady." Which beloved employee are you axing today?

Stick a sock in it, Frank.

Frank

I'm sending Haleh her last check. You want to include a note?

Haleh was Eve's idea, Frank! I was just following orders.

Frank

That's what Himmler said.

[indicating the discussion between Weaver, Kovač and Clemente] Yo, Frank- que pasa?

Pratt

I think they're talking about you.

What?

Frank

Weaver kickin' their butts is my guess.

Yeah, she's gonna kick their butts right out of here if they don't stop yapping at each other.

Ray

Isn't one of them gonna be the new E.R. chief?

Frank

My money ain't on the nosebleed.

Nosebleed?

Abby

You miss just about everything, don't you?

Luka

[enters the hospital in a Santa hat, distributing presents] Ho-ho!

Frank

Well, well, look what the reindeer dragged in.

Luka

[pulls a new scarf out of the bag] This is for you, Frank.

Frank

Wow! Last time I got a present in this hospital was when that helicopter fell on Romano!

Abby

Really impressive how you guys can leap from misogyny to homophobia in a single bound!

Frank

Hey, you're the one who was just calling Albright a bitch.

Abby

Oh, right- after you did! Anyway, that's not the point- the point is, why is everybody so bigoted around here?!

Ray

No more overnights for Abby.

Yeah, Kovac, your woman's starting to sound a little kooky.

Abby

Oh, Morris, I swear to God, if you ever- ever- refer to me as someone's 'woman' again, I will slap you silly with this hole-punch! [she shoves said hole-punch in his face, startling him]

Ray

Don't you mean bitch-slap?

Abby

[noticing a gift basket full of baby items] Hey, what's this?

Frank

Oh, that's for you and the little bastard.

Abby

Thanks, Frank.

Kerry

Hey, congratulations!

Abby

Thank you. It was supposed to be a secret. [looks pointedly at Morris]

Wha- everybody was saying you were getting puffy! I was trying to defend you!

Abby

I'm getting puffy?

Luka

You're not getting puffy.

[to Neela about her cookies] Yeah, uhm... After careful consideration from your ER peers, plus Hector in janitorial services...

Frank

Just the feeling is, your cookies are...

Ray

The worst cookies ever made in the history of baking.

Neela

[laughing] Shut up. [long, silent pause, then angrily, while leaving] Bollocks to you all!

[calling after her] The truth hurts!

Frank

What'd you do, rob a pimp?

Yeah, your dad says hi.