Kerry Weaver quotes from E.R.

Susan

[about Neela] She'll be a star in internal medicine or research, something using your intellect, but she's not an ER doc.

Carter

Since when did intellect become a liability to working in the ER?

Kerry

There was a memo while you were in Africa.

Kerry

Where's Pratt?

With a patient. What do you need?

Kerry

I need Pratt-- Hey, Sam, hold up. Where are you going?

I'm going to grab with Alex and his dad.

Kerry

Did you assist Dr. Pratt in examining Campbell, the woman in Curtain 2?

Yeah.

Kerry

Was there anything unusual about the exam?

I don't think so. Why?

Kerry

He gave her a breast exam for back pain.

I don't know what her chief complaint was. I was on the phone with the blood bank and juggling five other patients.

Sounds like he TUBE'd her.

She wasn't intubated, Morris.

No, no, you know, TUBE? T-U-B-E: Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam.

You're such an ass.

Kerry

What was that?

Sorry.

Kerry

No, not you. [to Morris] Where did you hear that term?

I... I dunno. I didn't make it up.

Kerry

Well, who did?

Kerry

[after a female patient has complained about Pratt's breast exam] Did you T.U.B E. her, Pratt?

Pratt

What?

Kerry

That's what you call it, isn't it, when you wanna feel up a good-looking patient?

Elizabeth

[about Carter and Kem's baby] A stillborn?

Chen

Yeah, a true knot in the chord.

Elizabeth

How terrible.

Chen

Ah, I can't even imagine!

Elizabeth

I'll try to get up there after rounds.

Kerry

Poor people. Seven months old?

Chen

Mm... Almost eight.

Yeah, tough break. [Chen, Corday and Weaver all look at him] What? I was... I was being sincere.

Kerry

How would you feel about accepting a non-tenure-track position as clinical instructor?

Elizabeth

So after giving seven years of my service to this hospital, I lose my tenure over a single patient.

Kerry

Elizabeth, you broke the law. What did you think was gonna happen?

Elizabeth

I don't know. That I might be appreciated for saving a life. That... that friends might have fought for me.

Kerry

I did fight for you. I had to beg, borrow and steal just to keep them from giving your name to the state board.

Elizabeth

What the hell, let them pull my license. Let them make it ugly. I'll go public. I'll tell anyone who cares to listen this hospital was willing to let a man die because a bloody bill was signed on a Tuesday rather than a Monday. We did something extraordinary here, Kerry.

Kerry

You're right. We did, but that's not our purpose. We can barely service the community's basic medical needs as it is.

Elizabeth

And that's it? Just stay open, get through each day?

Kerry

Isn't that enough?

Susan

I'm here because I want the ER chief job.

Kerry

But you turned it down once already.

Susan

That was pre-baby. Turns out I like kids better when they're not sucking the life force out of me.

Kerry

If we don't get our patient-satisfaction scores up, we can't start pursuing HMO contracts.

Luka

Okay, who's low?

Susan

Ray, Neela, Morris-

Carter

Abby's the only one with a decent score.

Kerry

Even Pratt's been on the low end.

Luka

I think Pratt's okay with the patients. It's the other doctors he has a problem with.

Kerry

[During a fight involving a patient and her husband in the ER] Who's winning?

Neela was about to deck somebody with a bedpan.

Jerry

I've always wanted to see something like that.

It's hard to let go of a dream, isn't it, Jerry?

Kerry

[confronting her conservative birth-mother] Can you accept me for who I am?

[tearfully] I can love you, whoever you are-

Kerry

[shakes her head] I don't want love without acceptance. [pause] It was so good to finally meet you. [she comes forward and hugs Helen, who hesitates then hugs her back]

What do we do about this new nurse czar Eve something or other?

Kerry

Peyton. She came in to meet with the Emergency Services Committee and we all loved her.

Is it her job to slow the floor down to a crawl?

Abby

I thought that was your job.

My point being. All the nurses are in there, jacking away.

Abby

They're entitled to a staff meeting, Morris.

Not unless I say so... [Off Kerry's look] We say so... Not unless Dr. Weaver says so.

Ray

I need a few weeks off.

Kerry

Why?

Ray

My band got a recording deal. We're going to L.A.

Kerry

Back away from the gurney or I will impale you with my crutch.

Ray

Kerry- [Kerry prods him sharply in the chest with her crutch]

Kerry

Back off, Elvis.

Abby

[noticing a gift basket full of baby items] Hey, what's this?

Frank

Oh, that's for you and the little bastard.

Abby

Thanks, Frank.

Kerry

Hey, congratulations!

Abby

Thank you. It was supposed to be a secret. [looks pointedly at Morris]

Wha- everybody was saying you were getting puffy! I was trying to defend you!

Abby

I'm getting puffy?

Luka

You're not getting puffy.

Kerry

All right, Who left a kielbasa in the drug fridge? This is a clear JCAHO violation. Who didn't know that?

Abby

I'm guessing Frank, his name's on it.

Kerry

Well, someone tell him to keep his sausage to himself.

Kerry

You know, I'm not down there, Donald. I don't run the ER anymore.

Which leads me to a second issue. The board has concerns about Dr. Kovac's ability to manage the department.

Kerry

You're not serious.

Are you satisfied with the job he's doing?

Kerry

He's doing the best he can with what he has.

Frank

Do you want the walls eggshell or white?

Kerry

Do I look like Martha Stewart? I'm the Chief of Staff, I've got real work to do.