Kerry Weaver quotes from E.R.

Kerry

[to Susan] You're doing a good job of clearing the patients today.

Frank

Easy to be fast when you're just killing them.

Kerry

Luka, why is Jessie Callahan still in Trauma 1? I'm curious because you pronounced her dead an hour ago.

Luka

Her husband wouldn't go up to the OR unless she passed, so I unhooked her leads and pronounced her. Why?

Kerry

Good God! What happens when he comes back down from surgery and finds out his wife is still alive?

Luka

I'll tell him it was a miracle.

Have you ever heard of the 1st Amendment?

Kerry

Have you ever heard of an awake colonoscopy?

[about Dr. Romano] I was on the committee that hired that man.

Kerry

He's an excellent surgeon.

Tragic about his arm. A lot of people downtown wish it had been his head.

Kerry

Not everyone's an opportunistic ass like you.

Romano

Uh... So I've been told.

Elizabeth

Kerry, can I ask you something? Are you as concerned about Robert as I am? Or, more precisely, his mental health- he seems...broken by this assignment-

Kerry

He's a cockroach. He refuses to evolve, and yet he'll survive us all.

Carter

[on Romano] He has no patient reports, severely stunted interpersonal skills, and he's incredibly hostile-

Kerry

Qualities consistent with most surgeons!

Carter

Kerry, the guy doesn't know what he's doing, and he doesn't wanna learn! And, he almost killed a patient today by prescribing an antiquated treatment.

Kerry

But, obviously you stopped him from doing so!

Carter

Yeah, but I can't stay on top of the guy 24:7!

Kerry

Well, we're trying to shift him to a more administrative role-

Carter

What are you gonna do, chain him to his desk?

Kerry

Look, the ER may not be the best fit for Dr. Romano, but it's all the man has! Just... make it work. Or better yet, work around him.

Luka

[about a Croatian boy who needs surgery] After all the talk, we won't save this boy for only one reason: because we don't want to.

Kerry

It's more complicated than that, Luka.

Luka

Yeah, you're right. There's also the money.

Romano

This department is a money pit!

Kerry

We have more people coming through the door everyday and we're legally obligated to treat them.

Romano

Which is why we should grab some wood, nail the entrance shut, and paint "Go Away" in big letters.

Romano

You really are one grade-A bitch, you know that, Kerry?

Kerry

No, Robert, I'm your boss, and as long as I am, you're my bitch. Now get your ass back to work.

Elizabeth

[about Romano] He had nothing but this place, Kerry. No wife, no kids, everything he ever had, he lost here. At the end of a life, you would think we'd have more to say.

Kerry

He'll be missed... whether we realize it, or not.

Kerry

What are you doing?

Luka

I need to fix my resignation letter.

Kerry

So, you broke into my office?!

Luka

The door was open. I'm changing the date of my last shift.

Kerry

Let me guess: sooner?

Luka

Actually, later.

Kerry

...You want to be a little more specific?

Luka

No. Not right now, anyway.

Kerry

Well, then let me know when you decide.

Luka

See you tomorrow, Kerry. [walks out]

Kerry

Stay outta my inbox!

Carter

Hey, would you mind if Kem observes in the hospital today?

Kerry

Yep.

Carter

Um- she has her Master's Degree in Public Health.

Kerry

That's no reason to punish her. [Carter laughs] Give the poor woman a credit card, Carter- let her have some fun.

Carter

I tried that. She would like to speak to the Public Health nurses and see how we track communicable disease.

Kerry

Sure, fine. Maybe she can motivate some of these slackers around here.

This place is a disaster. I've never seen anything like it. I've witnessed your workers engaging in bullying, hostility, violence, inappropriate touching...

Kerry

Oh, come on. We have a good staff. They do their best.

You have a bunch of walking lunatics on your hands. Doctors yelling, nurses beating up patients. You need to start firing people immediately.

Kerry

Fine. You're fired.

What?

Kerry

Don't come back tomorrow.

You won't be meeting the terms of the legal settlement.

Kerry

So sue me! Again! What else is new?

Dr. Weaver, if I'm endangering any lives, I'm willing to leave.

Kerry

Good. Why don't you go stand in the middle of Lake Shore Drive and play Tiananmen Square?