John Carter quotes from E.R.

Carter

Blood bank's low. Weaver wants everyone to donate before their shift's over.

Dave

I always do.

Carter

Well, that's very generous of you.

Dave

That, and I get drunk for half as much when I'm down a pint.

Abby

I don't want to be your sponsor anymore.

Carter

Whoa, where's that coming from?

Abby

I care about you and I care about your recovery, but I can't keep saying the same things over and over because it's hard enough for me to do it for myself.

Abby

[to Malucci] What's the matter, Dave? Afraid of clowns?

Carter

Maybe he had a bad circus experience.

Carter

So, I talked to Luka.

Abby

Me too.

Carter

He didn't seem to mind about tonight.

Abby

No... he doesn't get jealous.... Ever.

Randi

How'd your personality test go?

Mark

I scored somewhere between serial killer and talk show host.

Luka

I thought they were memory tests.

Mark

That was Monday.

Carter

What's next? Rorschach? Spelling bee?

Mark

Swimwear competition, sudden-death Twister. Who knows? Maybe a chili cook-off.

Romano

Dr. Carter, are you deaf? I keep shouting, you keep getting on the elevator?

Carter

Sorry.

Romano

Is this the pre-op amputation?

Carter

No, this is the post-op amputation.

Romano

What? In the field?

Carter

Yes, he was trapped, his pressure was dropping. Dr. Benton talked me through it.

Romano

Oh, what did they use, a chainsaw? You did this?

Carter

There was nobody else to do it.

Romano

Oh, well, no one else could do it. Well, by all means, then, let's get whoever's available. [to paramedic] Maybe you ought to try it it next time.

Kerry

Yeah, maybe if you'd respond to your page...

Romano

I can't wear my pager in the dojo. Brenda knew where I was; you should have called her. Let's go. What the hell happened, anyway? You blew it on the first leg, you decided to do the other one?

Carter

[about his much younger girlfriend]' She's very mature for her age. She's cool, she's fun, she's...

Abby

She's Britney Spears' little sister.

Carter

I knew a boy who was a little husky, and he didn't have very many friends and all the kids used to make fun of him. So he spent most of his time studying. And he went on to college, and he became a surgeon. And at his high school reunion, he took out a scalpel, and he cut the tongue off of every kid who ever made fun of him.

That's supposed to cheer me up, doc?

Carter

Don't talk to me about Luka. I'm not your girlfriend. And I shouldn't even be here with you.

Abby

Why not?

Carter

Because I don't want to wish bad things for you and Luka and I don't want to sit on the sidelines waiting for you two to break up. And I don't want to be your friend. It might be convenient for you, but it's not doing much for me.

Abby

Nice suit! Who died?

Carter

My grandfather.

Abby

Sorry..., I didn't know.

Abby

You're going to have some dirty birds.

Carter

Grandpa liked to drive the power lawn mower around.

Abby

Into the birdbath?

Carter

Not on purpose. He was having a fatal MI at the time.

Abby

[laughs] I'm sorry.

Carter

Gotta die somehow. Not a bad way to go. Sunny day, out on the mower. [they both start to laugh] Don't, don't laugh.

Abby

Then stop it!

Nap Note?

Carter

Yeah. I was supposed to be off last night.

Well, you're not in surgery. Don't punish yourself. Go home.

Carter

No, I'm on at noon. I'm just going to go pass out.

Bad idea. You know what they say. The longer you stay, the longer you stay.

Chen

John did you discharge Ravis?

Carter

Who?

Chen

22-year-old woman, she was taking birth control pills.

Carter

Yeah, why?

Chen

Weaver took her from me!

Carter

Oh.

Chen

She gave her to you.

Carter

Maybe she thought you were swamped?

Chen

Yeah, more like incompetent.

Carter

She made you Chief Resident, you know, you're the chosen one.

Chen

By default.

Chen

[about Weaver] I thought she was going to protect me. She went to protect herself.

Carter

What did you expect?

Chen

I don't know. It never occurred to me that she had to protect her own ass.

Carter

Maybe your asses aren't mutually exclusive.

Don't drop my baby!

Susan

Don't worry, Dr. Carter used to be in the circus.

Abby

Yeah, as a clown, right?

Carter

Human cannonball. Until I got fired.