John Carter quotes from E.R.

Carter

[after trying yoga] I think I twisted my knee doing that damn locust position.

Susan

No, it's "lotus," like the flower.

Carter

Oh, well that explains why it hurts. I was doing the "grasshopper."

Susan

Fentanyl?

Carter

I figured if I'd abuse drugs, I'd abuse a good one.

Carter

Disappointed in me?

Susan

No, no! I'm just... you were stabbed!

Carter

Twice. I don't recommend it.

Susan

[laughs and pauses] Can I see your scar?

Carter

What? No!

Susan

Why not? Don't be bashful.

Carter

No! Get your own.

Susan

[waiting for his grandmother to come home]] Why do I feel like a school kid sitting out here?

Carter

Must be the adolescent sexual tension.

Susan

[chuckles] That's it.

Carter

You know I used to have a crush on you.

Susan

Used to?

Carter

It's all coming back to me now.

Susan

[pauses] I used to have a crush on you too.

Carter

Liar.

Susan

I did! You were cute, real cute, but...

Carter

But?

Susan

Well, you were a med student, I was a resident...

Carter

I'm a resident now.

Susan

Chief Resident.

Carter

That's right. [pauses] I'm glad you came back.

Susan

Me too.

Carter

[after a pause and the sound of a car driving up the driveway, and headlights in their faces] Gamma's home.

Carter

[Talking about the weirdest places they've had sex] On a train to Seattle.

Susan

Really? With who?

Carter

I was by myself. But it was memorable.

Carter

Hey, Peter. I'm a good doctor because of you.

Benton

No, you're not. But keep trying.

I got stabbed! I got stabbed in the back! Where the hell were you? You were in the same place you've been my entire life. You were someplace else.

Eleanor Carter

We came back.

Three weeks later.

We were stuck in Tokyo, and you said you were fine.

Well, I wasn't fine, and it wasn't okay.

Eleanor Carter

Are you going to blame me for taking drugs?

No, I am blaming you for not being my mother! Bobby died and I lost a mother.

Eleanor Carter

May I go to bed now?

Yeah, run away.

Abby

So down-low is bisexual?

Carter

No. On the side, secret.

Abby

In the closet?

Carter

No, to be in the closet, you have to be gay.

Abby

He is gay.

Carter

Ah, C.C's gay. Diamond is on the down-low.

Abby

Well, if he's having anal sex with his friend, he's gay.

Carter

Not to him. He's got a girlfriend, he just sorta gets down with his buddy for relief.

Abby

Aha, so down-low means in denial?

Carter

Yeah, basically.

Chen

John, it's obvious you have a thing for older women.

Carter

What?

Chen

Yeah, Weaver, Lewis and, oh, that pediatric surgeon. What was her name?

[When his mother is spending time with a young boy with cancer] Mom, he has leukemia.

Eleanor Carter

I know that.

And he may not survive. Look, if you've got some kind of twisted need to relive this, that's fine. I'm not going to do it again. I made my peace a long time ago.

[When Eleanor leaves the room after Mickey starts vomiting blood] Mom, what are you doing?

Eleanor Carter

I can't. Please, take care of him...

No, the only reason I'm here is 'cause you asked for my help.

Eleanor Carter

I can't see him in that kind of pain, not again...

What did you expect?

Eleanor Carter

I don't know.

You cannot get this kid's hopes up and then leave.

You're really going to do this? You're gonna drag me back here and then bail when it gets too tough? The kid does not think he'll have to go through this alone again. Don't leave him!

Carter

And last but not least is the lovely, but sort of spooky, Miss Armstrong in 2, who's waiting on a psych consult before the sewer people come and get her.

Chen

What sewer people?

Carter

She's crazy, Deb. Hence the psych consult.

Carter

Reality television: it's one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

Abby

Have you ever watched it?

Carter

No.

Abby

Then shut up.

Carter

I just think that TV is a vast wasteland.

Abby

Oh I'm sorry I meant to watch 'La Boheme' on PBS last night but I had to go the symphony.

Carter

I watch television, just not that dehumanizing crap. Seriously, what's next? Televised executions? Bear Baiting? Torture Channel?

Abby

How did you manage to last this long without some girl marrying you?

Carter

We come with a built-in gold-digger alarm. My grandmother installs them at birth.

Susan

And I haven't set it off? You'd better have that thing checked.

Carter

It's embarrassing. Everybody assumes when you grow up with money everything's great.

Susan

Yeah, it must have been hard growing up in the mansion. Was Gamma too cheap to heat the pool?

Pratt

I need to clamp off the aorta with... that big-ass clamp!

Carter

If you don't know what it's called, then you sure as hell shouldn't be using it!