Johnny Drama quotes from Entourage

I'd just be happy to avoid a Razzie.

Drama

There's nothing wrong with a Razzie.

Turtle

Johnny's gonna go for the hat-trick if he ever does another movie.

Drama

I only have one Razzie, asshole.

Turtle

How many kisses?

Drama

Four...and a sex scene, but it's network, so it's not gonna be too graphic.

Turtle

There's a sex scene now!?

Drama

You called Ashley "Sloan" and you weren't mid-fuck??

Turtle

It's the worst. That's why I always stick with "Yeah, baby!"

Drama

I was thinking you would accidentally call out Vince's. [Turtle flips him off]

So how did you cover?

I told her she was hearing things.

Jesus.

Drama

I bet you she took that well.

Yeah, she left.

Turtle

Who wouldn't?

Why didn't you chase after?

Turtle

Because he loves Sloan!

Drama

Wanna roll up this gate?

'Fraid I can't do that.

Drama

Why not?

You're on the list.

Drama

What list?

The "Banned from the Lot" list. That's why your picture's right there. [shows folder with a list and pictures of people]

Drama

Well, my picture's right there! [points to Five Towns ad] How do you explain that?

Can't, but the message came from Dan Coakley himself, so I'm assuming whatever you did, looks real bad.

Turtle

What's with the face? [Vince is surprised]

Drama

They surprised me with a new scene when I got to the set last night. Battery acid sprays out of my car engine. Four hours of makeup...[voice slows to bitter murmur] for one line, compliments of Dan Coakley.

Why don't you take it off?

Drama

I gotta shoot again tonight. I can't bear another session in my makeup chair. [Splits bagel with bagel slicer he just bought]

Turtle

Now you got two bad sides.

Drama

[agitated] Don't start with me Turtle, I am exhausted! [slaps hand hard on bagel slicer]

Turtle

Oh you are? We got the Israeli Army waking us up all night, you can go home!

Drama

Baby bro is hungry, and you can go to Jamie's.

Drama

They gave me a holding deal!

Ari

The guy who grills my hot dogs at Carney's had a holding deal in 1978.

Drama

Look, E, I know we've had our ups and downs but I want you to know I appreciate this.

Eric

Have we had downs?

Drama

No, but we probably will if we work together.

Drama

Get down here, Bob, and take your beating.

Drama, you're acting insane. Put the bat down.

Yeah, leave him alone. Bob is a good man.

Drama

Yeah, a good man who's trying to steal my life!

I didn't steal anything!

Drama

Oh yeah? A guy writes a script for me, and you just swoop in and take it? Now get down here before I start smashing cars!

Please don't hit the Volkswagen! That one is mine.

Who says he wrote it for you?

Drama

Roger Jay says.

The writer? I know Roger, Drama. He told that to everybody. He gave it to me six months ago. I just never opened it.

Drama

Yeah right!

Come inside. We'll call Roger together. I'll prove it to you.

Drama

Are you kidding?

[raises right hand] My hand to God.

Drama

Jesus Christ.

I'll give you a blowjob if it'll make you feel better. [Saget looks at her] What? I'm just trying to make him feel better.

Billy Walsh

Okay, [shows character sketches] so Johnny's ex-wife is a nasty little black widow spider monkey named Julie. She's getting remarried to a baboon named Ronald. It's a big ceremony. It's the talk of the town, but when Johnny stops paying alimony, she tells him it was only a love ceremony; That it's not legally binding and that she's taking him to court. And then... Johnny goes bananas.

[laughs] Tell me what happens. Does he win?

Walsh

You'll have to read it.

Drama

Who cares if he wins, and I'm not reading it 'cause I lose!

[sees the engagement ring he gave Sloan] She sent it in an envelope?!?!

Drama

Not even a padded one.

Turtle

Imagine if we told you that last week.

[while driving] Is Dice there too?

Drama

No Phil, we're not crazy.

Yeah well, Johnny do yourself a favor - don't let anybody cover your ears, so you can hear this - Hey dumb fuck, was this your idea?

Drama

It was Dice's idea. He's put crazy things in my head.

Yeah, well remind Dice that when we cast him two months ago, he was doing stand-up at a fucking bowling alley.

Drama

He doesn't care.

Well, you better care Johnny, because if you allow him or anyone else to fuck this up, you're bananas. Go to Dice tell him you don't get a raise because you test well. Maybe remind him about his show called Concrete Heat that I produced and you starred in in 1994 and that tested to the fucking moon. You remember that?

Drama

[attentive because he remembers the show] Yeah, I remember that.

Yeah, you remember how long it lasted?

Drama

One week.

Yeah, many people thought it was cancelled in the second half hour.

Drama

Yeah, that's because they put us up against fucking Seinfeld.

Drama, I know that doing a voiceover is not what you want - I know that you want to get that precious face of yours back in the camera. This will lead to all of that, if you're smart, so be smart and be sure that crazy fuck is too or you will bury us all.

Drama

You're not gonna separate them, right?

Why would I?

Scott Lavin

[to officer] Don't mind him. He's seen too many episodes of Law and Order.

Drama

I've been on more episodes than I've seen 'em.

Billy

Calm down, Drama. Calm down.

Drama

Calm down?!? This guy not only sucks, he thinks he's Sandy Meisner.

Billy

Let's just get it done.

Drama

Get WHAT done? This show is over if we don't do something about it.

Billy

What do you like to do?

Drama

Get Dice back!

Billy

Not gonna happen. The network won't pay him.

Drama

[points to Jamie] You like this guy?

Billy

Course not.

Drama

Then we need to make it happen!!

Billy

If there was something I could do, don't you think I would have done it? I would give anything to get Dice back.

Drama

Anything? Give him a piece of your salary.

Billy

Fuck that! Give him your salary.

It did?

Turtle

If not for my selfish desire to prove that I don't need you, if we didn't sell our stock I would have made four million dollars and what's worse? You would have made almost 15. [sits down]

Wow.

Drama

Jesus.

Wow, that's unbelievable.

Turtle

I'm sorry Vin. I'm so stupid.

[comforts him] You're not stupid. You're smart for getting me into this tequila thing, and I'm smart for not fucking listening to you.

Turtle

[startled] What?

I never sold!

Turtle

What do you mean?

I knew this thing was going to be big because you told me it was gonna be, and because I called Mark Cuban, who guaranteed it, so I kept my shares and I even bought yours.

Turtle

Don't fuck with me right now, Vince. Please?

Cuban told me I'd regret it forever if I didn't, so I bought 'em for you. I mean, you gotta give me back the initial, but it seems like a good trade. Three hundred for almost four million?

Drama

Turtle's a millionaire?

Yeah, now that he doesn't need me, maybe he'd let me invest in his restaurant.

Turtle

I, I don't know what to say.

Drama

Say thank you, you dumb fuck!

Drama

No, Sloan, I swear on my life that Vince is going to Paris to get married, and it's really important to him and to us [looks at Turtle] that you and [touches Sloan's tummy] your little baby are present.

Sloan

I appreciate it.

Turtle

So you'll come?

Sloan

I have to ask you something and I need you to be honest.

Drama

Yeah, I swear on my life.

Sloan

Swear on your career?

Drama

Okay.

Sloan

Did E fuck Melinda?

Drama

No, no, I swear on my career, E did not fuck Melinda. [Turtle gestures No]

Sloan

What time does the plane leave?

Turtle

Eight pm.

Sloan

I'll think about it.