Grandpapi Rivera quotes from El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera

Grandpapi

How could a newspaper bring such lies?! I will make them pay DEARLY! [rips apart the newspaper in half]

Grandpapi

The policia love me? What have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Grandpapi

¡Mi corazón! CLEAR!

Grandpapi

The Golden Grasshopper of Guadalupe. The Bronze Bee of Baja. The Dryer-lint Dragonfly of Durango. All I need to complete collection is… The cursed Silver Scorpion of Sonora. And the best part is… the scorpion is on display at Manny's school tomorrow!

Grandpapi

Curse is on YOU, Señor Poker!

[chanting] Matadors! Matadors! Matadors! [they get beaten up by another team off-screen and return, all battered and bruised; chanting weakly] Matadors, Matadors, Matadors.

Rodolfo

Referee! That team is not of middle school age!

Manny

Dad, how can we win the championship for Miracle City if we're the only team in the league that doesn't cheat?

Rodolfo

[kneels down] Now, Manny, wouldn't you rather lose with honor than win with dishonor?

Manny

Oh, well... What was the question again?

Grandpapi

[sighs] What has become of my Matadors? When I played, we beat every team in the league.

General Chapuza

[laughs] Not every team.

Grandpapi

Aye! [darkly] General Chapuza, you old nemesis, you.

General Chapuza

Your Miracle City Matadors have never beaten my Calavera Zombies. And this year will be no different. Especially with me coaching a team led by my grandson, Che.

Grandfather, when may I torment and destroy the Matadors?

General Chapuza

[patting his grandson's head] Soon, my grandson, soon. [he and his grandson leave, both laughing evilly]

Grandpapi

This year, the Matadors will defeat the zombies! THIS I SWEAR!

Grandpapi

Back in my day, Miracle City won every trophy imaginable. Except for the League Championship.

Frida

And we're not gonna win it this year with no-cheaty-petey coaching us.

Grandpapi

Then I will not have my revenge on General Chapuza. Oh, well. Nothing we can do about it, sí?

Emiliano

Oh, don't worry, mija. We will find you a new best friend... A better one.

Manny

So I told her, she'd be safer if we weren't friends anymore.

Rodolfo

I feel your pain, my son. Lonely is the path walked by a hero.

Grandpapi

Or villain.

Rodolfo

Speaking of villains, who is the dastardly beast who attacked you and caused this pain?

Manny

Some little guy with metal arms, said he knew you.

Grandpapi

[covered in coffee; annoyed] Why must you take big sips?!

Rodolfo

When your mother and I got married, I had less time with the Titan. Then we had you, and the decision was clear. My family was more important to me than my partnership with the Titan. So we went our separate ways.

Manny

What happened to him?

Rodolfo

He couldn't make it as a solo superhero. Eventually, he left town, and turned to a life of crime. And he blamed you for his misfortunes. Manny, I promise you, we will find this villain before he strikes again! Won't we, Father?

Grandpapi

I know just where to look.

Rodolfo

Excelente. Fear not, mijo. The Titan will not harm you.

Grandpapi

Unless he does. Bye.

Manny

At least Frida is safe. [sadly beginning to miss her] Oh… Frida.

Rodolfo

Now, Manny, we have work to do. The divine angel who is your mother is coming to visit! And we must… clean up this mess, at once!

El Oso

Why, man?

Manny

Oh, you gotta hear this story! [Flashback story begins with his parents walking through the park and Maria pushing him in a baby carriage as a baby; voice-over] When my folks first got married, Mom used to think Dad being White Pantera was cool. Then, one day…

[changes into his White Pantera identity and runs over to stop El Mal Verde, who's causing trouble] Halt, fiend! So says, White- [gets smashed repeatedly by El Mal Verde's metal club; El Mal Verde laughs and walks away; holds up a thumbs up, beaten and battered as Maria runs over to him while carrying Baby Manny]

Manny

[voice-over as Maria starts hyperventilating] It was the first time she saw my dad get hurt, and she totally lost it.

Rodolfo

[voice-over] Maria didn't want me to be a superhero anymore. She couldn't stand to see me in danger. But I could not ignore the crisp, clean refreshing call of crime fighting! It is in my blood! [Maria watches in horror as he gets beaten up by the giant monsters, then starts hyperventilating in panic, pulls her hair, and screams] In the end, she could not stand it anymore. [Fade to her packing up her suitcases] She had to… [sobs] leave me!

Maria

[kisses Manny on the forehead, then stands outside the front door as Rodolfo looks on in heartbreak] I'm sorry, but I married the man, not the mask.

Grandpapi

[voice-over] I moved in to make sure Rodolfo and Manny would be okay. Also because I crashed my evil headquarters of evil. Maria's career as a mariachi singer took off after that. She traveled the world, performing for adoring fans everywhere, even Luxembourg! Manny goes to visit her every month.

Manny

[voice-over] I got my El Tigre belt after Mom went on tour. [changes into El Tigre for the first time; end of flashback] And I, uh…haven't had a chance to tell her about it yet.

Frida

Dude, she is gonna freak when she finds out!

Manny

I know. So that's why we gotta clean. If my mom sees all this wreckage, she'll know we've been doing superhero stuff, and she'll freak out.

El Oso

[agitated] I just asked why you gotta hide stuff! You don't gotta tell me your whole life story, man!

Rodolfo

Hurry! Maria will be here tomorrow! And I will once again behold a sweet goddess without whom my life has become a pit of misery. And who I never think about anymore.

Grandpapi

Didn't I tell you? Maria called to say she's coming early. She should be here in about, eh… no minutes.

Frida

Move it, people! We've got evidence to hide!

Manny

Uh, Dad?

Grandpapi

He's frozen in fear of seeing his one and only true love, who he never thinks about anymore.

Manny

What am I gonna do? This is my home! I don't wanna leave! And I really don't want Mom to freak out about me being El Tigre!

Grandpapi

Then, we must convince Maria that Miracle City is a safe place to raise a child.

Frida

That could be tricky.

Rodolfo

Manuel Pablo Gutierrez O'Brian Equihua Rivera, if you get expelled, we are going to send you to a charm school.

Maria

In Switzerland.

Grandpapi

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! No grandson of mine is going to a charm school! Or to Switzerland! It is.... unnatural.

Rodolfo

Nonsense! It will be good for Manny. They will teach him punctuality, etiquette, and how to knit cute little tea cozies.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maria

I'm sorry, mijo, but you have to take responsibility for your actions. Make us proud.

Frida

[kicks the door down, which lands on Manny; panicking] If I get expelled, my parents are gonna send me to military school! Can you think of anything worse?!

Manny

Charm school.

Frida

This is serious, dude. If we get sent to different schools, we'll never see each other again. We cannot be late tomorrow.

Manny

Right. We got work to do.

Rodolfo

[takes a sip of coffee] Papi.

Grandpapi

[takes sip of coffee] Rodolfo.

Rodolfo

[takes sip of coffee] Papi.

Grandpapi

[takes sip of coffee] Rodolfo.

Manny

Oh, I hate this. There's gotta be some way I can make it up to him.

Breaking News: We interrupt the Celebration of Heroes to take you to the Celebration of Heroes. Sartana of the Dead is attacking the convention center.

[along with the other heroes, all facing her] Forget it, Sartana. You'll never get in!

I don't have to. Because you'll never get out! [cackles and strums her mystic guitar, creating an unbreakable force field around the convention center and trapping all the heroes]

Grandpapi

They all stuck in there? Is time for the list! [takes out his list of robberies] "Places I hasn't robbed yet. Numero #1, the place that only sells light bulbs." Have fun, children!

Frida

Superheroes, cops, fire fighters. Every hero in the city is out of commission!

Manny

No. There's still... [spins his belt and changes into…] El Tigre!

Frida

Uh, I hate to puke in your piñata, but didn't that Hero-meter thing-y say you're not a hero?

Time to prove it wrong.

What do we got here, pardners?

El Oso

It's El Tigre and Puma Loco, man. Do you have any eyes or something?

Oso! Dr. Chipotle Sr. suggests you get rid of this hideous creature!

El Oso

Creature? He my twin brother, El Ossito! We exactly alike, man!

Let's get to what we came for.

Yes! It's time… To sign up for the Supervillain Grand Prix!

Voltura

Puma Loco, this illegal street race is for villains only!

Aren't you saying I am NO VILLAIN, VOLTURA?!

Lady Gobbler

Not you, the boy! He more like a hero than a villain, lately.

Me? Ha! Would a hero do this? [gives Dr. Chipotle Sr a wet willy]

A wet willy?!

Dr. Chipotle Sr. still feels that El Tigre should be DISQUALIFIED!

But I gotta be in the race! Me and Grandpapi always do it together.