[To a witness] No chance Danny was wearing, say, a red leotard?
S3The Case
[On her advantage over Ryan] He gives me the cold shoulder, I give him detention.
S3Blips
[To Stella, who seems not to remember him] Warren...Cheswick...we almost did it that time... You offered to shine your love upon me...
[Wishing he could win Stella's heart] God I wish I was a wunderkind! If I could get the arts and leisure section of the New York Times to label me a wunderkind.
[To Stella] I'm a red blooded 18 year old American male. You can't just offer an American male a chance to fornicate and then just turn him down.
[To Peter] Just out of curiosity, is it that you can't paint a painting that looks like anything or is it that you just don't want to?
[About Eli's refusal to eat duck eggs because they come out of a duck's ass] Eggs don't come from the ass, per se.
S3Good Advice
Ed, I think you ought to know that Frankie is in your office, bawling her eyes out in a most unprofessional manner. Shall I fire her for you?
[to Frankie] The relationships that you struggle with never work out in the long run. The ones that work, just plain work.
[to Mark, about his night with Stella] Last night, I, Warren P. Cheswick, became a man!
[to Stella] Where do you want to live? When I graduate high school?
MMark
[to Warren about Stella] You're acting like a puppy who just tasted his first Snausage.
S3Captain Lucidity
[describing her missing Mexican Jumping bean] It looks like a regular bean but every now and then it bounces in a particularly disappointing way.
[as president, in Ed's dream] Mr. Vice President, there is nothing more important than the day a boy becomes a man in the eyes of God.
[reliving high school, in Ed's dream] Can I put my collar down now?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ed pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.