Shirley Pifko quotes from Ed

Shirley

[describing her missing Mexican Jumping bean] It looks like a regular bean but every now and then it bounces in a particularly disappointing way.

Shirley

[to Phil, about Eli's arrival] Before he came, you were a cold narcissistic cipher. Now you seem almost human.

Shirley

They're pies with the selling power of hot cakes. It's the best of both worlds.

Shirley

[calculating how many turkeys are needed to feed 30 people] You need 12,000 turkeys.

Shirley

[explaining to Phil why the term `fo shizzle` is no longer hip] Ever since Fran Dresher used it in an Old Navy commercial, African-American 'izzle'-speech has been on a rapid decline."

Shirley

[on why Ed's ex-wife is in town] I surmised that she needs a kidney.

Phil

She wants to break up your impending nuptials with one Miss Carol Vessey. It's cat fight time, meow.