Ed quotes from Ed, Edd n Eddy

Ed

Let's drive to the city, fellas.

Edd

We're too young to drive, Ed.

Ed

My dad has a shovel.

Eddy

If we can't get to the city, then let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac.

Edd

I suppose I'd better find some tape.

Ed

Not to mention a duck.

Eddy

Pigeons don't go 'oink', Ed.

Ed

I'm a gazelle. Oink!

Edd

A suit, annoying? I spent two hours counter-balancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?

Eddy

What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of.

Edd

My father wears a suit.

Eddy

Exactly.

Edd

Well I suggest something a little more on topic. Anchovies. The person who invented this smelly salty fish dish should have been imprisoned for the rest of their life. [to Jonny] Open wide please.

Jonny

I smell something fishy. [dodges]

Edd

Please, Jonny. [Jonny laughs and dodges again] Please, Jonny.

Jonny

Plank says fish is– [Edd stuffs the spoon full of anchovies in his mouth and brushes his teeth with it]

Ed

I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot.

Edd

Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains? And why the suit? Why Jonny?

Eddy

Jonny. People really like it when you say WHY ALL THE TIME!

Jonny

They do? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Ed

And people really like it when you poke 'em on the head.

Eddy

Cut it out, Ed.

Ed

See? Eddy likes it.

Ed

Okay. I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling Row, Row, Row Your Boat through a car wash.

Edd

Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please.

Ed

Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D.

Edd

Eddy act like me? Why, that's–

Eddy

Stupid, Ed. You blew your chance to–

Edd

Y'know, Eddy. It could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me.

Eddy

Let's see, where do I start? [mimicking Double D] The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat.

Ed

Good Double D, Eddy.

Eddy

[pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch] Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain.

Edd

[sarcastically] Ha, ha, ha. Very good, Eddy. [spins the bottle] Can we resume playing? [the bottle settles on him] Oh dear.

Eddy

Ha! I dare ya to be Ed. Go on, flatter him.

Edd

Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy.

Ed

I can do Eddy, I practiced. Can it, Double Dweeb!

Eddy

Whaddya mean you practiced?

Ed

Shut up, Sockhead!

Eddy

Please, Eddy. You're invading my personal space.

Eddy

Well?

Ed

Do me, Double D.

Eddy

We're waiting.

Edd

Very well. Uh, let's see now. [manipulates his face so his eyes are spread out across his face] Buttered toast.

Edd

Did you know shadow puppetry was one of the oldest forms of entertainment?

Ed

Like walnuts?

Eddy

We need to find our more sensitive side.

Ed

I found my sensitive side, coz it has a rash.

Edd

Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed.

Jimmy

Pinch me I'm dreaming. Whee. I feel just like Elvis Presley. Jealous? [the golden paint develops cracks] Oh no. [gasped] When will the torment end? [falls, and the paint on the pants shatters into tiny pieces. He is wearing Ed's pants]

Nazz

That wasn't gold, fakers.

Sarah

You gypped us.

Edd

Exposed.

Eddy

Busted.

Ed

Nope. Can't think of a word.

Jimmy

The shame.

Nazz

Here's your money, Jimmy. [to the Eds] Grow up.

Sarah

Wait till you get home, Ed.

Jimmy

Charlatans.

Ed

Spending extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing.

Eddy

What's with you?

Edd

Ed's trouser-less state seems to have jogged an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain.

Eddy

Ed? Is that you?

Ed

...HUG ME!

Eddy

Well, that didn't last long.

Ed

[hugs Eddy] HUG!

Eddy

Ed!

Ed

[holding a sprig of mistletoe] Do you see what I see? [puckers up]

Eddy

Where'd you get that mistletoe? It's July!

Edd

There's no kissing allowed in my parents' room, Ed!

Eddy

[using Edd as a shield] You take care of Ed, Double D. I've got another nut to crack. Or should I say, piggy bank.

[singing at Rolf's front door] We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas-

Ed

[continues singing] ...We wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash!

Rolf

[puts a strip of bacon into the Eds' cash jar] No cash. A fine strip of bacon, yes?

Eddy

It was horrible! [fake coughs] Did I say it was horrible?

Ed

Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a bloodcurdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling grasp! [makes chewing sounds]

Edd

Please.

Rolf

Rolf has seen this meatball. It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night.

Whoa!

Sarah

You stay put here, Jimmy. I'll get some kids to help me carry you to your room. And don't forget to drink, you need to keep your fluids up.

Jimmy

You forgot the straw, Sarah. [an acorn falls into his drink] An acorn. Hello, Mister Squirrel. You're cute.

Nazz

You're so brave, Eddy. Is there anything we can do for you?

Eddy

The fact that I'm surrounded by all my friends is all I need.

Sarah

You're just a big faker. Jimmy's the one who is really hurt.

Eddy

Come closer, my child. You tell Jimmy he's out of his league.

Jimmy

[in the backyard, he has been crushed by a tree] Sarah! Owie!

Nazz

Not again!

Sarah

[gasps] It's Jimmy! Jimmy's in trouble!

Nazz

C'mon, guys!

Jonny

Wait up, guys!

Eddy

Hey, wait! Where ya goin'? Where's my attention? I was attacked by a meatball.

Ed

Rolf is homesick.

Eddy

What planet are you from?

Ed

Blame my parents, Eddy.

Eddy

See? This is Mommy's note, and my exact copy. Pretty good, huh? He'll never tell the difference.

Ed

That is so lame, Eddy.

Eddy

And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?

Ed

Dare to compare. [shows Eddy an identical sticky note to the one written by Edd's parents]

Eddy

Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?

Ed

Yes, I will.

Edd

Hello? Oh, I-I was going to-

Marie

Ask me for a date?

May

Sweep me off my feet?

Lee

Stand in line, girls.

Edd

Oh yes...C-Could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?

Marie

He wants to share condiments.

May

We're so alike.

Marie

Back off, bowser.

Lee

Marie, grab him before he runs away.

Eddy

This is better than cable.

Edd

Ladies, please!

May

We're ladies.

Lee

He said please.

Marie

Let's kiss him.

Edd

Kiss? No, not that!

Eddy

And I thought today was gonna be a write-off. Get it? Write off? [the cup flies overhead] I can't stand it! [laughs]

Ed

Oh no! They tore off Double D's head!

Edd

IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCALYPSE!!! I can't go on. There's only one solution; I'll just move in with one of you.

Ed

Move in with me! Move in with me!

Eddy

Yeah, Lumpy could use some company.

Ed

We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom.

Edd

"The square root of a piece of pie"?

Eddy

What?

Edd

Pure fiction, Eddy. Your exaggerated tale could only be described as cockamamie.

Ed

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I have never heard such language.

Jonny

Don't stop now! What happened next? What happened next?