Eric quotes from Dungeons & Dragons

Hank

(disbelieving) Make friends with Venger?

Eric

Oh, sure - how are we supposed to do that?

Presto

Buy him another horn for his helmet?

Sheila

Hey.... you think maybe Venger's not all bad?

Eric

Sure, and Genghis Khan was a stand-up comic.

Dungeon Master

(far behind) You are wrong, Cavalier. There was good in Venger, once. A long time ago. Everyone makes mistakes. Venger was mine.

Eric

Oh, come on, I know exactly where we are!

Presto

Yeah, a hundred miles from nowhere and fifty miles from anyplace.

Presto

Aw, Hank, can't we stay? Ramuud's awfully nice.

Yeah, it's the next best thing to having a real dad.

Eric

(depressed) Are you kidding? He's better than my dad ever was.

Hi, Sheila! Hi, Bobby! How did you guys get in my dream?

Sheila

Dream? This is real!

Eric

As soon as you get home, call our parents!

Bobby

Tell them we're okay! Tell them everything's okay!

Hank

We'll be home as soon as we find a portal back!

Wait a minute, are you guys cracked? This is Sunday night, you guys went to the amusement park and I couldn't go because I had homework, remember? And I'm asleep now, and this is just a dream.

Presto

No, no! I-It's real, and we're lost! Tell our parents!

I'm sure! Look, I'll see you in the morning at school, okay? Then you can show me another one of your dumb card tricks, eh, "Presto"? (laughs) See you around, guys. (disappears)

Eric

We're outnumbered ten to one!

All right, then, you take two, I'll take eighteen.

Dungeon Master

There are many matters that require my attention, Cavalier. The life of a Dungeon Master is not an easy one.

Eric

Are you kidding me? You have all this power and you never even use it! Boy, if I was Dungeon Master, I'd have it made!

Dungeon Master

What an interesting proposition! And it's true, I could use a little rest. Very well, Cavalier, I ACCEPT YOUR OFFER.

Presto

Just how far is it to this city, Eric?

Eric

How am I supposed to know?

Presto

You're Dungeon Master, remember?

Eric

Oh. Right. Let's see, what would Dungeon Master say? (in a riddle-like tone) "You will find it, unless it finds you first; it is a long way off- yet in truth, it is very near!" (normal) How was that?

Eric

We'll have to leave our weapons here.

Can't we take her [Uni] with us?

Eric

I'm sorry she would not survive in our world. My magic will protect her.

Eric

Hurry! Get through the portal before it closes! I'll hold Venger off!

Hank

You're crazy. He's got our weapons and the Grimoire! What makes you think you can stop him?

Eric

Because I have to! Because ....I'M DUNGEON MASTER!

Eric

(imprisoned) "Regular"? We're giant-sized! C'mon! What's the matter with you guys? So we don't have our weapons - we still got our voices!

Bobby

Huh?

Eric

(shouting and banging a plate against the window) I wanna see my lawyer! There's no TV in my cell! What about my phone call? I demand my riiights! [...] ...I've never been in a prison with such bad food! There's no ketchup on my French fries! And there's no French fries! HEY!

Sheila

But how are we going to sneak past those two ugly orcs?

Eric

I hear unicorns make great decoys-

Bobby

(hugging Uni) Forget it!

Presto

Venger is putting us ON ICE.

ERic

YOU MEAN IN ICE.

Somebody better do something...or we'll be stuck in this deep freeze forever.

Master there is no sign of them

Venger

WHAT THEY HAVE ESCAPED AGAIN? THIS IS THE LAST TIME

Bobby

Sis I hate this I don't want to be in this World any more...I want Mom and Dad and my home and friends...

Eric

This is all Venger's fault. We oughta do something about that guy.

Hank

(twists bow, then throws it to the ground) Eric is RIGHT.

Eric

I AM?

Hank

Yeah. And we are going to do something about it.

Eric

We ARE?

Hank

The only chance we have of getting out of this world is if we take care of Venger ONCE AND FOR ALL.

But nobody can beat Venger not even Dungeounmaster...

Hank

There is one creature who can TIAMAT

Eric

YOUR CRAZY...

Hank

Have you got a better idea...? I THOUGHt not

Hank,,TIAMAT the most Dangerous dragon in the Realm..How are we going to persuade her to fight Venger?

IF we get Venger..What will we Do to him once we have him?

Eric

Venger gone ballistic

Venger

GIVE ME YOUr WEAPONS NOW OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES

Hank

Venger. He's blasting the rocks. Trying to get to us.

Bobby

Good. I'm ready for him!

Eric

That's a comfort.

Venger

They are gone BUT WHERE?

Eric

(in the Dragon's Graveyard) Now what?

Hank

Now we find Tiamat.

Eric

(looks around at the skeletons) How do we know which one of these is her?

Presto

Simple, dummy: she'll be the one who attacks us.

Hank

Relax, Bobby. A boy your age shouldn't feel that much hate.

Bobby

I told you all before, don't worry about me... worry about Venger.