Dungeon Master quotes from Dungeons & Dragons

Dungeon Master

(gleefully, easily fighting off monsters) I haven't done this in years! I'd forgotten how much fun this kind of thing could be.

Dungeon Master

And you have given those trapped in this Realm their freedom. I can do no less for you. You are free to return to your world now, if you wish. Or you may stay here, in the Realm. There is still much evil to be dealt with, and many adventures yet to be had. The choice, my children, is yours.

Eric

Did you hear what he said? No telling what we may run into!

Dungeon Master

[appears from behind a rock] No telling?

Eric

Aaah! Dungeon Master! Do you always have to do that?!

Dungeon Master

No, not always.

Presto

I wonder if we'll ever find a way out of this world.

Dungeon Master

You will one day, Magician. With each brave deed, you grow more worthy. You will be rewarded, in time.

Eric

In time for what - our retirement?

Yes.... a traitor and a liar.... and I have suffered for it!

Dungeon Master

He's right, Cavalier: evil deeds do return to their source. They always come full circle, and their evil will never end until the circle is broken.

Dungeon Master

The right road is not the left.

Eric

That's the real Dungeon Master, all right.

Sheila

Hey.... you think maybe Venger's not all bad?

Eric

Sure, and Genghis Khan was a stand-up comic.

Dungeon Master

(far behind) You are wrong, Cavalier. There was good in Venger, once. A long time ago. Everyone makes mistakes. Venger was mine.

Dungeon Master

Patience, young ones. You will find both safety, and danger ahead.

Sheila

Do we have to find both?

Dungeon Master

There are many matters that require my attention, Cavalier. The life of a Dungeon Master is not an easy one.

Eric

Are you kidding me? You have all this power and you never even use it! Boy, if I was Dungeon Master, I'd have it made!

Dungeon Master

What an interesting proposition! And it's true, I could use a little rest. Very well, Cavalier, I ACCEPT YOUR OFFER.

Dungeon Master

Listen to me Ranger. Do not let your anger control you. (the kids close in) The course you are taking.... can only.... lead.... to.... ruin? (defeated) So then, it has come to this: Tiamat lives where the dragons go to die. The place that is the source of your weapons: the Dragon's Graveyard. As for to use her to overcome Venger-

Hank

No riddles! Tell us straight.

Dungeon Master

Ask her! She may help you. But then.... she MAY NOT. May I go now?

Hank

Wait Dungeonmaster... how do we find the way to the Dragons graveyard?

Dungeon Master

You carry the way with you ranger.Let it start with you

Hank

Dungeon Master.... What happens now?

Dungeon Master

That is up to you, Ranger. But know this: you have taken your first step home.

Eric

Now look what you did-you musclebound pipsqueak! I said to open the door-not blow up the house!

Dungeon Master

You have released a signal to a being greater than you have ever encountered...AND NOW HE KNOWS WE ARE HERE!

Eric

Hold it right there, Captain Shortness! (Bobby turns around) Not you, the other one! This stupid safari's not taking another step until you tell us what's going on!

Dungeon Master

(pauses) We are running, Cavalier! For our very lives!

Eric

(grabs Dungeon Master's shoulder) From what? Come on, this is a joke, right? You're looking at old pros here! We've survived everything this silly Realm's dished out, from five-headed dragons to one-horned Vengers!

Presto

Yeah, everything except triple-eyed, double-fanged, flying purple people-eaters.

Bobby

Are you kidding? I got one of those last week!

Eric

Give it up, Presto. Nothing in that hat's gonna help us!

Presto

Well, not unless you want a-a set of highway safety flares! Or-Or a battery-powered emergency radio! .... with no batteries. Or maybe a copy of.... "Ranger Fred's Guide to Survival in the Amazon"? (groans) I think my stupid hat needs a tune-up.

Dungeon Master

No Cavelier You asked permission (sternly gazes at Hank; Hank had not stopped Eric from trying to open the box; Hank admits he was wrong )

Venger

Your pupils are doomed to failure. They are brave only because they know you stand behind them.

Dungeon Master

Not so: They can triumph over anything in the Realm, as you well know. They will not fail.