Eric quotes from Dungeons & Dragons

Eric

Now look what you did-you musclebound pipsqueak! I said to open the door-not blow up the house!

Dungeon Master

You have released a signal to a being greater than you have ever encountered...AND NOW HE KNOWS WE ARE HERE!

Eric

Hold it right there, Captain Shortness! (Bobby turns around) Not you, the other one! This stupid safari's not taking another step until you tell us what's going on!

Dungeon Master

(pauses) We are running, Cavalier! For our very lives!

Eric

(grabs Dungeon Master's shoulder) From what? Come on, this is a joke, right? You're looking at old pros here! We've survived everything this silly Realm's dished out, from five-headed dragons to one-horned Vengers!

Presto

Yeah, everything except triple-eyed, double-fanged, flying purple people-eaters.

Bobby

Are you kidding? I got one of those last week!

Eric

Give it up, Presto. Nothing in that hat's gonna help us!

Presto

Well, not unless you want a-a set of highway safety flares! Or-Or a battery-powered emergency radio! .... with no batteries. Or maybe a copy of.... "Ranger Fred's Guide to Survival in the Amazon"? (groans) I think my stupid hat needs a tune-up.

Dungeon Master

No Cavelier You asked permission (sternly gazes at Hank; Hank had not stopped Eric from trying to open the box; Hank admits he was wrong )

Eric

Is this what heaven looks like?

Venger

GUESS AGAIN FOOL.

Eric

If only we'd gotten to the portal in the Castle of Clouds...

Another chance to go home lost in smoke...

Eric

(having his hair cut by Presto) Right now, I'd be happy to find a decent barber.

Presto

Would you hold still?

Eric

I am! What do you want, rigor mortis?

Hank

I saw it but I don't believe it.

Yeah it.... works!

Hank

Lorne, that thing makes everything worse.

I can't control it.

Eric

Wizard, are you nuts? I'm too SMART to be a wizard and he's TOO DUMB.

Presto

Why aren't they coming after us?

Eric

Can't blame them; this place looks like something out of "Better Homes and Gargoyles".

Eric

(again denied a way home] Oh, great, I knew it. Goodbye, pizza, goodbye, milkshake, goodbye, cheeseburgers.... sauerkraut.... homework.... (lightly) Oh, well, I guess it isn't all bad news. (after Kareena is redeemed from evil-the blue ring influence is what turned her evil)

Welcome home Kareena.

Hank

Eric, we gotta stick together-

Eric

Why, Hank? We always stick together, and it hasn't gotten us home. You guys can do what you want, but we're going after that key.

Sheila

Are we doing the right thing, Eric?

Eric

I don't know. But we're not turning back.