(to Bongo) What is wrong with you? Lassie would have had a fire truck here by now! Stupid dog. (Bongo runs out) Good boy Bongo! Go get help! (Bongo brings back a dead bird) Ohh...ew!
S1Guilty
S1Come Back to Me
Were you with a woman? Did you tell that you have a wife, or does that hinder your pick-up style?
All right. Even if I was seeing someone, I have every right to. Exploring options is the whole point of being separated!
Options! I'm not a mutual fund, Rex.
You’re not going to tell a soul. Bree, you may hate me, but you’d hate the humiliation a lot more.
Oh, I don't hate you, Maisy. I pity you.
Oh, I talked to Dad today, and apparently, he and Brandi might break up.
Oh, how awful!
Mom, you're smiling.
"Am I? Hmm."
(whispering) As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. I'm going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?
Bree...
And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that.
Oh, Bree. What a nice surprise. Would you like to come in?
Well, that depends. Are you having an affair with my husband?
Andrew, Danielle! Daddy's going to fornicate for us!
S1Move On
GGeorge
It was nice talking with you, Dr. Van de Kamp.
Please, you're dating my wife! Call me Rex!
I just wanted you to know that everyone on Wisteria Lane is praying for your sister's safe return.
Oh, I seriously doubt that.
Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out when a loved one is missing.
Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place.
Do me a favor, Rex. Please don't mistake my anal-retentiveness for actual affection.
Mike, guess what? I love you.
S1Every Day, A Little Death
Look at them all. Vultures. Pretending to care when all they really want are the sordid details.
PCPolice Chief
I don't know, I think they just want to show their support.
Please. Human beings feed on misery.
You're the man of the house? You can't even leave it.
I'm running out of money. In a couple of weeks, I'm gonna be screwed.
YLYao Lin
Why don't you hock some of your jewelry? There's a lot of stuff you never wear, and most of it's ugly.
Don't you have a toilet to scrub?
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