James quotes from Derry Girls

I think the best thing we could do is just to get the routine on its feet.

I agree.

I know we’re gonna smash this, girls. We are gonna lift that trophy. We are gonna perform live on the motherfucking BBC and we’re gonna wipe that smile off Jenny Joyce’s stupid face.

Yeah.

James

Let’s do it.

Hit it!

How many times do I have to fucking explain it? It is two steps forward, two steps back. It couldn’t be any fucking simpler. What the fuck is wrong with you all?!

James

You’re the one that’s out of time!

Say that again, James, and I will floor you. I will lay you out.

T think the first bit is pretty good.

The first bit’s shite, Erin. You look like you’re being electrocuted, and what the fuck do you think you’re doing, Clare, the Haka? (groans)

Fuck!

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It’s not my fault your choreography is pedestrian, Michelle.

Kiss my actual hole, Erin.

James

Look, I think we all just need to calm down.

EMErin and Michelle

Piss off, James!

Okay, that, is it? I’m going solo.

Oh, Christ, here we go.

Screwdriver.

James

Um, bell. Apron.

Fanny. Big fanny? Fanny pain.

The plumber was trying to get off with Erin’s ma! The plumber was trying to get off with Erin’s ma, and now I need to give all of my sponsorship money back.

James

We’re gonna need more details, Clare.

I saw them together in the hall. He was whispering things to her, you know, suggestive things.

My ma? He was coming onto my ma? What is he, some sort of reverse pedophile?

I bet Mary told him where to go.

Not exactly.

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Couldn’t you speed up a wee bit?

James

No, I couldn’t!

Are we even moving?

James

I simply will not negotiate when it comes to road safety.

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We had plans tonight.

We can turn our jeans into hot pants any day of the week. We’re talking about a free house here, Clare, a free house. We’re gonna be drinking, dancing and riding.

Quick question on the old riding front there.

Go on?

Who exactly will we be doing that with?

Young hot farmers. Donegal is coming down with them. Big strapping lads ripped to fuck from all the turf collecting.

Oh, don’t worry about me.

There’s actually quite a few lesbians as well, Clare.

Lesbian farmers? Really?

Lesbian farming is actually huge in the Republic. We’ll get you sorted, don’t worry.

James

What about me? Could we pick me up a girl?

Can we pick you up a girl?

Like she’s a thing?

(in the van) Yeah, that is so out of order, James.

James

I didn’t mean… I-I just thought…

Well, you thought wrong, James.

James

Sorry.

Get in the van. (exasperate sigh) Dirtbag.

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Arh! Where the hell are we?

James

I’ll ask this woman. (to Sheila) Excuse me? Sorry to bother you.

SSheila

(speaking in Irish)

James

Jesus, is she having a stroke?

She is an Irish speaker, James.

James

Oh, why can’t everyone just speak English?

Well, your crowd had a good stab at forcing the entire world to, but we didn’t really enjoy it much, James. Imperialist prick!

James

Can anyone ask her where this place is?

Hmm, my Irish isn’t the best. I decided to keep on French and German, because I though it would give me more options if I wanted to, like, study abroad or whatever.

We’re not filling in your fucking UCAS from here, Clare.

SSheila

(speaking in Irish)

What’s she saying?

SSheila

(speaking panicky in Irish) (speaking warningly in Irish)

Just drive, James. Slan!

Slan!

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Anything?

Broken vase. There was a window open in there. It must have blown off the shelf.

Oh, thank God.

We are such fannies.

Yeah. I mean, for a second there I thought it might actually… (screaming)

Jesus, Clare!

James

Stop, stop, stop. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this. It’s important we don’t let our imaginations run riot here.

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Mary Quinn

What are you supposed to be? Swans?

We’re not swans?

Are we not?

We’re angels.

Angels don’t use crutches.

Gerry Quinn

And swans do?

Granda Joe

You’re a swan expert now, are you?

Gerry Quinn

Yeah, that’s precisely what I said.

Mary Quinn

God love you, son. Imagine beating you up just cause you like Slimboy Fat.

James

Yeah, I still can’t quite believe it myself, actually.

That’ll be Daddy!

Ah, I love his wee toy car.

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What was the face all about?

What face?

Earlier, when Dennis was talking about Niall you did a face.

I didn’t do a face.

You did a face Erin. You did a face like this.

I…would never do that face. I couldn’t do that face. That face isn’t even in my repertoire.

Oh, it’s in your repertoire alright, I’ve seen you whip it out over a dozen times, usually when you find something hard to believe. What was hard to believe Erin?

It was just when you said that you didn’t want to get your hopes up.

Yeah!

You don’t actually think he should get out do you?

He’s me brother.

He killed someone.

I know that Erin.

James

I’m not sure we should be talking about this.

Isn’t this exactly what we should be talking about? I mean we have to vote on it.

It wasn’t supposed to happen the way it did.

I’m sure that poor man’s family takes great comfort in that.

These things, they’re not black and white Erin.

Aren’t they?

Nothing about this place is!

Well I think the fact that you shouldn’t kill people is pretty black and white!

Awkward, awkward, awkward, oh God it’s so awkward.

Fuck off Erin. And what would you know anyway, you’re nothing but a spoiled, selfish, sheltered wee brat.

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You know I’ve never even visited Niall. Me Mam wouldn’t let me, she wouldn’t let any of us. She won’t even say his name any more. He had a son, the man, he had a teenaged son. We found that out later.

I'm sorry Michelle.

You weren’t wrong. I mean you weren’t right either. There’s no answer to any of this is there?

No, I don’t think there is you know.

James

Do you want to get out of here?

Can we take that wee tiny horse? No.