Oswidge quotes from Dave the Barbarian

Oswidge

Hark, the dread footfalls of family disgrace draw nigh.

Fang

If that means Dave's a bonehead, I agree.

Candy

What was I thinking? Making Fang civilized is hopeless!

Oswidge

Yes, because we've been missing the key ingredient: bribery!

Dave

It's a trick! I'm Dave! He's the fake, and I'll prove it! [On his knees.] Please don't hurt me, oh, please, please, please, please!

This proves nothing. [Also on his knees.] Please do not hurt me. For being hurt is unpleasant.

Oswidge

Which is the true dave, and which the machine? No man can say.

Candy

Fudge? I need to give her something really great so she'll feel guilty about that lousy present she gave me!

Dave

So, tell her it's imported.

Candy

That could work.

Oswidge

Ah, fudge. Truly it is the greatest of the brown-colored fruits.

Sorry, Uncle Oswidge.

Oswidge

Can't you two just- pancakes!

Dave

I never wanted to be a Barbarian!

Fang

You did when you were ten!

Dave

Only because I thought it meant a librarian who also cuts hair.

Oswidge

Don't make me turn you two into cabages again!

Sorry, Uncle Oswidge.

Oswidge

I call upon thee to summon images of Throktar and Glimia, wheresoever they may be!

Please deposit ten drekles for the first five minutes.

Oswidge

Great. Just great. How's plan everything going?

We destroyed the evil citadel of Naccar the Obliterator yesterday.

They had a lovely gift shop. We got you a spoon!

Oswidge

A little magic, I'll have that hideous thing off your face faster than you can say, "get this hideous thing off my face".

Candy

Get this hideous thing-

Oswidge

Gitripozene!

Candy

Uncle Oswidge, I could kiss you! If you weren't so short, and old, and ugly, and smelly.

Oswidge

I'm not that short.

Fang

[singing] Donkey chum, donkey chum Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, donkey chum! Love my donkey or you are dumb! Donkey chum, donkey chum, donkey chum! [screams]

Uncle Oswidge

I'll call it rock 'n' roll. Cause it feels like you're being hit with a rock, and I'm hungry for a roll.

Candy

Since when do you play the lute?

Fang

It's a long story. See, there was this bug...

Spare my life and I'll teach you to play the lute.

Fang

Then he taught me to play the lute. Huh, I guess it wasn't that long.

Uncle Oswidge

I think I can explain all that in song...

Dave

Now I get it!