[At caricature booth, artist turns finished drawing to show seated Fashion Club. Sandi, Quinn and Tiffany gasp in shock]
[going to artist] I do not look like that!
It's like our features are exaggerated or something.
AArtist
Hey, if you don't want it, don't buy it. I'll use it as a sample.
[rises] But you can't put it on display! Someone might see it!
[takes drawing and hands over money] I'll take that as exhibit "A." Come on, maybe we can find someone else to insult us.
[Sandi, Quinn, and Tiffany leave while Stacy hangs back as artist shrugs]
Sandi helped me break my list into three categories: looks, popularity, and how well his hair matches my clothes.
You know Quinn, looks and popularity aren't really what's important in a relationship.
The ability to fix major appliances.
Hmm...yes, I can see that.
[Daria cracks her soda and walks off]
What's really important is that you find someone that you enjoy being with.
You mean like how I enjoyed Kyle taking me to Le Yeast last night.
I mean someone you can get along with for more than one evening. Who can share your hopes and dreams, your trials and disappointments. Someone you look forward to seeing day after day, week after week, [angrier] month after month, year after year, the same old complaints about his uncaring father. God is he ever going to get over --
Mo-oommmm! That's so boring!
Uh, not at all! That's compatibality!
[gets up and leaves] I think I'll finish this upstairs.
[notices something] Oh my, where is everyone?
Dad, Tom and Jeffy are outside trying to catch a squirrel and Quinn's in her room crying.
Oh. She said something about failing at relationships.
What? Just because Jeffy joined your father on some ridiculous squirrel chase, she thinks her relationship is over?
Well, she might have had slightly unrealistic expectations about what having a boyfriend entails.
Uh-huh. And just what would some of these expectations be?
You know, being together twenty-four hours a day, hanging on each other's every word, his-and-hers cemetery plots.
Daria, how could you mislead your sister like that!? [leaves]
Mother. How could I not? [looks back outside and sees Tom, Jake, and Jeffy celebrating the capture of the squirrel and walks back to her seat] And what about me? I finally get up the nerve to invite Tom for a family dinner and everyone leaves me, confirming my deepest fears about abandonment and isolation. Oh look, shoestring potatoes.
And he wares cuff links, and drives one of those big old cars with fins. How great is that?
Do you think it's a good idea to pick up a perfect stranger while under the influence of ink well fumes? Even if he has come here from prehistoric times.
Hey, if I didn't have the nerve to pick up guys, you wouldn't have a boyfriend.
Oh great. I'm not going to have to date this guy now, am I?
I don't know, I hate the present too, but not enough to ware a zoot suit.
He doesn't ware a zoot suit. He's a snappy dresser in the classical-elegant sense. Plus, he has impecable manners and a biting whit.
Okay, he's got it all. [looks at Tom] Not like some guys.
It's true. If I really cared, I'd dress like a dead man too.
[stands up] Thanks for the encourgement, you two. Maybe sometime you can teach me how to pass judgement on someone I've never met.
She's going to be dissappointed.
Yeah. That's not really the kind of thing you can teach.
NNathan
Hi, I'm Nathan. Jane's escort for the evening. You must be Trent. It's great to finally meet you.
[they shake hands]
Yeah. Same here. [looks Nathan over] You, um, dress like that every day?
NNathan
Dress like that? I mean, the 60s are over.
NNathan
Maybe, but great style is timeless.
That's exactly what I was going to say. Thanks.
Nathan No, thank you.
[they shake hands again]
Well, I think I should have the dress because Tiffany looks good in anything, whereas I don't due to a slight asymmetry in my shoulders that is very painful for me even to mention, but which this particular dress minimizes while setting off my eyes.
Very good, Stacy. And now, Tiffany?
Well, I think I should have the dress.
Um, Tiffany, is there anything you want to add?
Yes. Thank you and God bless.
[to Quinn] Perhaps a debate is not the way to go here.
Anyway, what about a movie tonight?
I can't. I promised Quinn I'd watch Gone With the Wind with her.
[Tom starts laughing, then trails off when he realizes Daria is serious]
Okay, that freaks me out and scares me.
BMr. Brower
Ms. Morgendorffer, why do YOU deserve the Wizard Scholarship?
Whether or not I deserve anything is irrelevant, assuming you run your scholarship program the same way you run your company. Since the token women and minorities you hire rarely move up into upper-management, and since I won't give the answers you want to hear in the hopes of somehow bucking the odds, I guess you can just pass on me as if I were one of your female employees up for promotion.
BMr. Brower
Ms. Morgendorffer, you seem to have a bit of an attitude problem. Are you trying to sabotage yourself?
I'm responding to your questions truthfully, so I guess the answer is "yes".
Hey. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of as long as you're responsible.
So then you and Mack have.... been responsible?
Um.... I really don't want to discuss that right now.
Jodie I promise: Soon as my parents are dead, I'll tell you all about it.
So, um...should we pick a date?
Well...my parents are going out of town next weekend. How about then?
No fair. Home court advantage.
Like I'd ever find all the microphones Mom's hidden around my room.
The Rendezvous Motel? You know, on Route 6.
Gee, don't make me feel too special.
All right, the boathouse at the lake, with the stars, the moon, the water?
And the mosquitoes, the splinters, the security patrol?
[frowning slightly] Okay, how about Mars, then? Soon as that whole colonization thing gets going?
Did I tell you Tom's going away for a week?
That's the only place his family ever goes. I think they're training a secret militia up there.
I wish. That's so much more exciting than them just being too damn cheap to go anywhere interesting.
Hey, how do you think old money gets old?
Anyway, he'll be up there for a family wedding, so more time for you and me to hang out.
Haven't we had this conversation before? Only I said what you're saying and you said what I'm saying?
[Daria's flashback #1, while Jake and Helen are arguing in another room; Daria is obviously frightened]
[offscreen] Dammit, Helen, that's it! How much am I supposed to take?
[offscreen] Jake, she's a child, she doesn't know any better!
[offscreen] That's what she wants you to believe!
[Daria's flashback #2, while Jake and Helen are arguing in another room; Daria is obviously frightened]
[offscreen] Dammit, Helen, that's it! How much am I supposed to take?
[offscreen] Jake, this isn't about you. It's about her, having a little trouble fitting in.
[offscreen] She doesn't want to fit in, damn it! Why can't you admit that?!
[offscreen] Jake, she's a child, she doesn't know any better!
[offscreen] That's what she wants you to believe!
[offscreen] Where are you going?!
[the front door, then another door slams, with little Daria wincing each time and pulling the covers up a little tighter ends flashback sequence]
Daria? Come on, the neighbors are starting to talk.
Um... good. Soon they'll progress to cave drawings and civilization will be on its way. [crawls out of the box just as Quinn approaches]
Daria! I remembered! You were right! I remembered I was three or four and it was nighttime and I woke up because Mom and Dad were fighting, and then Dad was yelling and a door slammed and then I heard a car start up and he drove away.
Thank you. I knew I wasn't imagining it. Do you remember what they were fighting about?
Um... yeah... they were fighting about you.
[Daria's flashback #3, little Daria is talking to the school counsellor)
DDoctor
Now, Daria... I want you to tell me what you see when you look at the picture. [holds up an inkblot]
What do you mean? That's not a picture.
DDoctor
Well, not the kind of picture we're used to seeing. This picture lets you make up what it's about.
Then why don't I just draw my own picture?
DDoctor
For instance... one little boy or girl might look at it and see a fire truck or a house. Another might see a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
It's just a black splotch.
DDoctor
Daria, what's your favorite game to play at recess?
I don't like games. I like to read.
PPsychologist
Don't you enjoy playing with the other children?
Not really. They never understand what I'm talking about, and then they make fun of me. [pause] I like to read.
[in the car]
I'm just saying, Daria. If you give the other boys and girls a chance, you might find someone you like. It takes all kinds.
I like lots of kids! [starts bouncing up and down]
Sweetie, it's a little hard for your father and me to keep taking time off from work to talk to the counselor. Why don't you meet us halfway and try talking to the other kids?
They don't say anything that interests me.
I talk a lot to the other kids, and they talk back!
[the car pulls into the driveway of their home]
Daria, how do you know they don't interest you?
[later that night, Daria is in bed, while Jake and Helen are arguing in another room]
[offscreen] Well, I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits' end.
[offscreen] Dammit, Helen, that's it! I go in there every day to face a psychotic boss, a job that makes me feel like a freakin' slave, then I have to come home and deal with this? How much am I supposed to take?
[offscreen] Jake, this isn't about you. It's about her, having a little trouble fitting in.
[offscreen] She doesn't want to fit in, damn it! Why can't you admit that?!
[offscreen] Jake, she's a child, she doesn't know any better!
[offscreen] That's what she wants you to believe!
[offscreen] Where are you going?!
[Daria's flashback #3 ends as Daria hides inside the box]
