By the way, the definition of the word "retard", is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become retarded.
S3 E8Snuff
FPFilm Processor
I've processed hundreds of bogus snuff films. But this, this one just felt different.
Yeah, it should. arterial spray was real.
It's not fake blood. It's human. That was a murder... on 16 millimeter.
[talking to the terminally ill suspect]
You killed her.
I guess she killed you back.
(a phone book get thrown into the hallway as Sara goes by and she jumps back) Why are you throwing phone books?
'Cause a beaker gets glass all over the place.
(sweetly) What's wrong?
It's this curtain that the porn girl was found wrapped in. I've got no prints, no second donor. I've got nothing to link this porn guy to the girl's murder. It's just driving me nuts.
(sarcastically) I'm fine.
(realises he almost hit her) I'm sorry. Are you okay?
(smiles) Yeah. (puts her hand on his shoulder) You missed me by a mile. We may have something.
Really?
Right here. I wanted to show you. When he's stabbing her, she's bleeding all over him.
Well, a void proves that, but we still can't prove it's him.
Yeah, but her blood might. Catherine and I suspect transference. She had HIV.
Well, how are we going to get a sample of Sampson's blood?
Warrant, based on the butterscotch dirt that you found on his car.
[has a lightbulb moment] Oh, I like that.
[smiles] You might want to apologize to the phonebook.
S3 E9Blood Lust
Okay, Doc, tell me something I don't know.
Okay. In fourth grade, I dropped out of karate class because a kid half my size made me cry.
About the body.
You know you pulled me away from a forensic anthropology seminar, right? It's required. It's part of the continuing education program.
Well, I'm sorry, but everyone seems to have something to do today. I have a teenager who was run over by a taxi. He wasn't hit by it; that's not what killed him. He was stabbed, fatally. For now, I have no ID, no suspects and no primary crime scene. I need you.
How would you like to be part of an experiment?
I- I'm a secretary, besides, I heard what you did to Greg's feet.
You'll keep your shoes on, I swear.
TThug
[After Brass is questioning them for beating a taxi driver who was supposedly fleeing a crime scene] If we were wearing badges, you guys would be giving us medals.
If you guys are wearing badges, I'm playing left wing in the NHL.
S3 E10High and Low
Hey, Greggy, any luck on those blood and hair samples?
Don't insult me. Luck is for those without skill.
Spoken like a man who's never hit the jackpot.
Sad, but true.
S3 E11Recipe for Murder
[Looking at the meat grinder the arm is caught in]
We're gonna have to dismantle this piece by piece.
Yeah.
I'll get a foreman.
I think I can handle this.
You know about meat grinders?
Well, everything's pretty much plumbing. Male into female parts. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
[Grissom just looks at her as she starts to take it apart]
S3 E12Got Murder?
[Nick and Sara sifting through rubbish they found near their victim]
Home pregnancy test, negative. Better luck next time.
[after Dr. Robbins has performed an autopsy on a living man, who later passes on]
Alright David, take two.
She's a virgin?! So what are we talking here immaculate conception?
More like the immaculate perception. Pseudocyesis: imagined pregnancy.
It's all in her head? Well, that would explain what she was doing in Dad's bed.
Fantasizing.
Grissom (looking at the eyeball): Well, someone's missing a contact lens.
That's not all they're missing.
You know, ravens, like eagles, have been known to travel 30 miles from roost to feeding ground.
30 miles in every direction. Pi-r-squared. That means that we're looking at a ... 2,800 mile search area.
"Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore."
We're up a tree and you're quoting Poe. Give me something.
Grissom (holding the eyeball): "Quoth the raven: Only this and nothing more."
Hey, I hear David's resurrecting the dead now.
Grissom (chuckles): Yeah, our little miracle worker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.