Greg (grumbling about Grissom): You know, I hate it when he does that. I like to make a presentation, you know?
Nick: So, present.
Greg: Eh, forget it.

Greg: [Greg limps into Grissom's office wearing only socks] What did you do to me?
Grissom: You had a reaction.
Greg: I'm Hazmat meat. Quarantine, here I come. [Greg pulls off the socks and puts both his feet up on Grissom's desk. Grissom examines Greg's right foot]
Grissom: Your right foot, I swabbed with a placebo, regular tap water.
Greg: Yeah, well, I'm not worried about the right foot.
Grissom: Left foot...eumycotic dermatitis.
Greg: Oh, great. It's probably fatal.
Grissom: It's a mildew-induced skin rash.
Greg: [stares at Grissom] You infected me with mildew?
Grissom: Here. Hydrocortisone. Follow the directions, clear it right up.

Greg: Hey, I hear you're cheating on me with an out-of-state DNA analyst.
Catherine: Apples and oranges, Greg. Fifteen-year-old hair samples no roots, room-temperature storage.
Greg: Room temp?
Catherine: Yeah, that's how we stored hair evidence back then. Microscopy was king.
Greg: Really? I thought Elvis was king.
Catherine: And you are how old?
Greg: Age is irrelevant in our relationship.
Catherine: Maybe so, but face it, Greg you just don't have the equipment.

Greg: Hey, I hear you're working on Hank's case.
Sara: I believe it's my case.
Greg: Territorial. You know, guys don't like that.
Sara: You're crowding me, Greg.
Greg: Well, I have some information that'll bring us even closer.

Greg: I thought we had a relationship! What are you doing taking Archie into the field instead of me?
Nick: Right tool for the right job, man. You have to understand the world you're investigating (Greg gives Nick a look) Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?
Archie: In classic, TNG, DS9, Voyager or Enterprise?
Greg: Point taken.
Archie: Or were you thinking about Farscape?
Nick: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Greg: Psst, Grissom. [whispering] We got a development. I went over those swatches that Sara gave me from the bed sheet.
Grissom: Are you whispering?
Greg: I don't want that Gerard guy to hear me.
Grissom: Well, he's not here, so stop it.

Greg: There's, uh, something weird going on with the hairs from the ropes. Well, not weird. More like...hair-raising. (Grissom doesn't smile or laugh) Sorry, bad one.

Grissom (looking at the eyeball): Well, someone's missing a contact lens.
Catherine: That's not all they're missing.
Grissom: You know, ravens, like eagles, have been known to travel 30 miles from roost to feeding ground.
Catherine: 30 miles in every direction. Pi-r-squared. That means that we're looking at a ... 2,800 mile search area.
Grissom: "Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore."
Catherine: We're up a tree and you're quoting Poe. Give me something.
Grissom (holding the eyeball): "Quoth the raven: Only this and nothing more."

Grissom: "The best intentions are fraught with disappointment."

Grissom: Albert. Got a minute?
Doc Robbins: Sure. What's up?
Grissom: I'd like a second opinion.
[Next shot of them is after he checked Grissom's ear]
Doc Robbins: I wish you had come to me sooner. The condition is pretty far along. Why'd you wait?
Grissom: [sighs] I hoped it would go away.
Doc Robbins: Doesn't your mother have this condition?
Grissom: Yeah. It's hereditary. I know I wasn't rational.
Doc Robbins: Look, Gil. I'm not gonna preach to you, you came to me. But Doctor to Doctor there's a chance the bone deposits have spread into the inner ear. In which case your hearing loss will eventually be permanent. If I were you, I'd schedule surgery as soon as possible.

Grissom: Bats are like bees, Nick. Don't bother them, and they won't bother you.
Nick: Let's not bother them... I mean it.

Grissom: By the way, the definition of the word "retard", is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become retarded.

Grissom: Greg!
Greg: Yeah.
Grissom: Take off your shoes and socks.
Greg: See, now we're getting into this whole strip forensics thing and I'm not too sure I can hang with that - even if you are my boss.
Grissom: Your mother's maiden name was Hojem? Hojem is Norwegian, right?
Greg: That's right and you know my grandfather was tossed from Norway for getting my grandmother pregnant before they got married. To this day he still tells me, "Som man reder sa ligger man". [long pause] One must lie in the bed one has made.
Grissom: That's true. Right foot first, please.
Greg: Are you sure you want me to do this? Things could get loud in here!

Grissom: Greg, how many licks are take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Greg: The world may never know.
Warrick: Just see if you get some DNA off this stick, would you?
Greg: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.
Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.

Grissom: How would you like to be part of an experiment?
Judy: I- I'm a secretary, besides, I heard what you did to Greg's feet.
Grissom: You'll keep your shoes on, I swear.