Nick: Pulled a couple of hairs off of our male stabbing vic.
Greg: Okay. Baby. Uh-huh.
Nick: What?
Greg: Nine lives.
Nick: Cat hair?
Greg: Meow.

Nick: Sara, if you found a bomb in your car, would you close the hood?
Sara: No, I would back away fast. Um... maybe the hood dropped?
Nick: No way. BMW has built-in hood shocks.
Sara: Liar, liar, car on fire.

Nick: Sara?
Sara: Yeah?
Nick: You've got to get out more. [Turns and walks away]
Sara: [Shocked, she walks back down the hallway]

Nick: The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.
Greg: [walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.
Nick: Whose?
Greg: I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.
Catherine: Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.
Greg: Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.
Nick: That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.
Warrick: You'd know it, spanky

Nick: There's a sucker born every minute.
Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.

Nick: Well, Rick Chilson did call Sabrina a "bitch" while we were talking.
Catherine: Charming.
Nick: Yeah, he's an ass, but his alibi checks out.

Nick: What's going on out here?
Police officer: Well, an anonymous 911 caller reported body parts in this area. I rolled, and found this. [Shines flashlight on a pile of intestines]
Nick: Mmm, tasty.

Nick: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
Sara: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick: Stop flirting with me.

Nick: You gotta get a girlfriend.
Archie: You first.

Nick: You just made yourself useful, my friend.
Greg: Oh yeah?
Nick: Yeah.
'Greg: How?

Nick: You know, it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

Nick: You know, when I was 16, I begged my mom for a car. Swore she'd come through.
Sara: What happened?
Nick: Encyclopedia Britannica. (laughs) All 24 volumes. Still own them, still use them.

Nick: You look a little tired. Want me to give you a bottle, make you go night night?
Warrick: Want me to clack that jaw and make you go night night?

Nick: You sure you don't want me to do this?
Sara: Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight.
Nick: Yeah, but you're taller, thinner.
Sara: Oh, butter that toast, Nick.

Nick: [as he and Dr. Gerard are reviewing video surveillance] Looks like Raymond was disposing of the bodies for your client. You think he ran out of time before he could move Kim's out?
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Or Ray was disposing of them for himself. You've just supplied Tom Haviland with reasonable doubt.
Nick: No. What I showed you on video is Ray in the casino during the time the murders were committed.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: His zeal is clouding his judgment. It's not what did happen; it's what the jury will believe could have happened.