CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes

This guy has been in Mat's house.

What is this?

Mat's team won this three years ago. This trophy was given to the rec center last year. I found all this stuff in Jacobs' car. Look at this.

If this is evidence, it needs to be tagged and cataloged.

This is the same guy who shot Mat's daughter in the head and he's walking around laughing at us.

Can you prove that?

What is this? I've been putting guys away like this for years. And now that it matters it's like that you're holding me back here.

Your job, Warrick, is to process the evidence. Objectively and without prejudice.

I'm so tired of hearing that. I've heard it a million times. I can't be like you, I'm not a robot, ok? I, actually, care about this people.

Y'know what? You're not working on this case anymore. I have another assignment for you tomorrow.

Keep it.

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Greg, how many licks are take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

The world may never know.

Just see if you get some DNA off this stick, would you?

All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.

All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.

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I blew it.

Yeah. But you're not the one who's paying for it.

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You gotta get a girlfriend.

Archie

You first.

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I thought we had a relationship! What are you doing taking Archie into the field instead of me?

Right tool for the right job, man. You have to understand the world you're investigating (Greg gives Nick a look) Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?

Archie

In classic, TNG, DS9, Voyager or Enterprise?

Point taken.

Archie

Or were you thinking about Farscape?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

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S3 E14One Hit Wonder

"The best intentions are fraught with disappointment."

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The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.

[walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.

Whose?

I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.

Catherine

Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.

Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.

That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.

You'd know it, spanky

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[Sara gives Bobby the bullet from her friend to process]

BBobby

Hang on a second. [smiling] You get approval from Grissom, I don't want him walking in on me.

Sara

[nodding] Yeah.

BBobby

Sara Sidle.

Sara

[smiling] Yeah, I did!

BBobby

All right. Just checking!

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S3 E15Lady Heather's Box

May we come in?

Say the magic word...

Brass

Warrant.

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Brass

We are going back to Lady Heather's.

I can take care of this myself.

Brass

Gil, do me a favor. Get a sport car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle.

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Unfortunately the language we speak in here doesn't necessarily translate to the world out there.

No, in here, the submissive has the power... all he has to do is say the safety word and everything stops.

Very good, Mr. Grissom.

I'm just repeating what I've heard.

You're a good listener.

Part of the job.

So, this is work?

Yes, but I value your insight.

I'm flattered...but you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away [She moves closer to him] and when I'm close you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?

I'm losing my balance.

Your sense of self?

No, I know who I am.

Do you?

Yes... I do. [He touches one side of her cheek with one hand then the other with his other hand] You can always say "stop".