Al Robbins quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Robbins

You want COD on Janelle Rowe?

Riley

Bullet to the head?

Robbins

Exsanguination from transection of the jugular by a .38 caliber round, if you please.

Robbins

I was just about to dissect his trachea. Care to do the honors?

Langston

It's been a while since I cut.

Robbins

It's like destroying a bicycle. Come on.

Nick

I think he might have got whacked in the head with a wet-floor sign.

Robbins

So much for safety in the workplace.

Robbins

Uh, David, would you finish stitching him up please?

David

I'm not a seamstress, I'm a coroner's investigation, dammit!

Robbins

He's been doing that all day.

Ray

Can we call Dr. Barnard for a consult?

Robbins

Passed away in '98. Loved chili dogs, but his arteries didn't.

Doc Robbins

Coach was struck at least a dozen times.

Nick

A lot of rage here.

Doc Robbins

Agreed. The multiple impacts crushed his skull and drove bone fragments into the brain, causing catastrophic hemorrhaging. It's like when you push your finger into a hard-boiled egg. The shell cracks but the pieces stay in place.

Nick

Thanks for ruining another breakfast for me.

Doc Robbins

It's what I do.

Doc Robbins

C'mon, you're not gonna ask me about the zombie thing?

Nick

Well, you're obviously eager to tell me.

Doc Robbins

Well, damage was predominantly on the right side of the brain to the neo-cortex which controls thought, language and reason. It was almost completely destroyed. But the paleo-cortex which lies beneath it remained intact. The paleo-cotrex controls learned instinct and rituals. Which explains why the victim was able to brush his teeth and eat his breakfast without noticing that he was bleeding to death.

Nick

They never seem to get that right in zombie movies.

Al Robbins

He's talking to you, isn't he?

Ray Langston

Yes. Sometimes I wish they would tell me more.

Al Robbins

Sometimes I wish they'd just shut up.

Doc Robbins

Put down the saw! Step away from the guitar. You were about to commit murder on an immaculate '62 Fender jazz bass with the original factory paint.

Nick

So, what?

Doc Robbins

For someone from the Great State of Texas, you show very little respect for a true American art form.

Nick

Hey, just 'cause I'm from Texas doesn't mean I like country music.

Robbins

My uncle was obsessed with the smell of chocolate chip cookies. One day, my aunt came home and found him with his head in the oven. Thought he was committing suicide. She realised at that instant, the secret to a happy marriage: fresh baked cookies every day.

Ray

You're really kind of freaky, doc.

Robbins

Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment.

Doc Robbins

A racist gets stabbed before he can drown. A lot of people would call that justice.

Ray

We still have to call it murder.

Ray

You know, Doc, I'm against the death penalty, except when it comes to people who kill children.

Doc Robbins

I think they should be tortured first and then guillotined.

Dr. Robbins

Mrs. Robbins has a birthday. The big one. She doesn't want to make much of it, which means I have to. You got any ideas?

Catherine

Can't go wrong with diamonds. Girl's BFF.

Dr. Robbins

Man's worst enemy.

David

Looks like a .22.

Dr. Robbins

Used to be the preferred caliber for mobsters and assassins.

David

[with a rap accent] Nowadays they go for a Glock four-oh.

Dr. Robbins

Thank you, Ten Cent. Why don't you move him to autopsy, and try not to bust any rhymes on the way out.

Ray

You know what I believe? I believe that people that bring suffering and pain into this world should have it repaid to them tenfold, either in this world or the next one.

Doc Robbins

Careful. Evil has a way of making friends with the good and dragging them into the darkness.