Jim Brass quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Brass

So the guy took an arrow through the throat and it prolonged his life?

Dr. Robbins

Apparently.

Catherine

And what are the odds of it not hitting any major artery?

Dr. Robbins

Whatever comes right before zero.

Chyna was sucking the life out of me. She deserved none of what she wanted and all of what she got in the end. I'm glad it took a long time for her to die. I can only imagine the pain.

Brass

You know, everytime I think about leaving this job, a guy like you comes along and reminds me why I can't.

Catherine

[noticing the rope on the floor] Did she have ligature marks?

Brass

On her neck, yeah.

Catherine

That doesn't make any sense. She was a dominatrix, not a submissive.

Brass

Maybe the party just got out of control.

Catherine

Somebody... didn't know the rules.

Warrick

Well, it's a crowded restaurant, somebody must have seen something.

Brass

Not exactly, welcome to the latest fad, dining in the dark. [presses a remote that makes the room pitch black] The waiters are blind. No one sees anything. Piece of cake, huh?

Catherine

Did he just leave?

Warrick

I think so.

David

[anxiously] Guys...I have a dead body here...

Brass

You ever been the Rachno's Central Motel?

Plenty of times. Hookers, addicts, drug dealers, pimps, wife beaters, runaways. I save people.

Brass

[shows him a picture] You ever save these two? [Rhodes stares at the picture, a little taken aback] You know them, don't you?

There's nothing I can tell you.

Brass

These people have a daughter and she's missing. And due to the fact that you're a convicted sex offender, you better come up with something more than these corny, priestly homilies, and you better come up with them fast.

I don't have to answer to you. I want to talk to my lawyer.

Brass

That's a good idea. Because you're under arrest.

Mr. Grissom...do you believe in a separate, living evil?

Grissom

You're a primitive man on the Savannah. You see something move out of the corner of your eye. You assume it's a hyena. You run, you live. If you assume it's the wind and you're wrong, you die. We have the genes of the ones who ran. We're genetically hard-wired to believe living forces that we cannot see.

The Devil's sliest trick is making us believe he isn't real. But call his name loud and long enough, [knocks on the table four times] guess who comes knockin' on your door?

Brass

Usually guys like you.

Brass

We're here to talk to you about Kira Dellinger.

Kira committed suicide.

Sara

Actually, she was murdered.

Somebody I know ends up dead and I'm automatically a suspect?

Brass

History has a way of repeating itself, Marlon.

Brass

I don't know Sara, it's going to be tough to get a warrant.

Sara

I need Marlon West's DNA. If his semen is in Kira Dellinger, it puts him at the murder.

Brass

Look, they had a known sexual relationship, so there's no evidence of rape. And I don't know if you know this, but Marlon's mother and father were killed in a car accident last year. Judge Bowman is going to be very sensitive to that. It could look like harassment.

Sara

Jim, are you going to talk to the judge or not?

Brass

Wow, you really got it out for this kid. What's the deal here, Sara?

Sara

Marlon West has killed before.

Brass

Not according to a jury of his peers.

Sara

Did you have fun talking to Kira Dellinger's parents?

Brass

Excuse me?

Sara

Must've been a lot of screaming and crying and despair.

Brass

There usually is. What's your point, Sara?

Sara

My point is, if we had done our job right the first time, Marlon West would be in jail, and Kira Dellinger would still be alive. Talk to the judge.

Brass

(about Warrick) You should have put him in your car and driven him home!

Grissom

I have to trust the people I work with, Jim.

Brass

Look, Warrick's a loose cannon. We both know that. He was in Gedda's strip club ...

Grissom

He was off the clock.

Brass

... conducting his own police investigation.

Grissom

He's very passionate about this case.

Brass

Yeah, passionate enough to sleep with the vic who ended up dead in his car. Look, I know Warrick didn't have anything to do with it, but he needs to back off. Guys like Lou Gedda, they don't skip on murder and extortion by being lucky.

Grissom

What does that mean? You think Gedda's got friends inside the department?

Brass

Well, unlike Warrick, I don't make accusations until I have proof.

Grissom

Guy was living the American dream. Every kid wants to grow up to be a cowboy.

Brass

Not a dead cowboy.

Brass

[to Donny Gomez] And why that apartment? Who do you know lives there?

Nobody. I got a mental illness. I'm a firebug. I'm loco.

Brass

You're loco?

Who knows? (Madeline walks in) Maybe I'll set the lawyer lady's house on fire.

Madeline Klein

Hey, little man with the big mouth. It doesn't matter what you say, 'cause all your boys are going to hear is that you rolled on Alvarado. (Gomez surges to his feet. His hands are cuffed behind his back. The officer grabs his shoulders)

Brass

Sit down.

Madeline Klein

Just bought yourself another ten years. I'm going to hand-pick your cell mate.

Brass

Well, that didn't help.

Madeline Klein

That kid wouldn't roll if I gave him a night with Jessica Alba.

Brass

You're really good at making enemies, Maddy.

Madeline Klein

That's why I'm unlisted, divorced and carry a gun.

Brass

Did you take Cook back to Little Gordo's house? You know, maybe to verify his story?

Madeline Klein

Yeah, I always take my secret witnesses on a bus tour of the hood.

Brass

You know, when Don Cook first refused to testify that he saw Alvarado come out of Little Gordo's house, you know what I did? I took him to an out-of-town diner and bought him a cup of coffee. What'd you do?

Madeline Klein

I went to Little Gordo's. (Brass nods, Maddy gets it now) Damn it. Good job, Maddy. They saw me. I can't even blame it on the booze. All they had to do was trail me back to the courthouse and watch me go into the security entrance with 18 escorted jurors. That's how they knew grand jury. Damn it! This is where you're supposed to say, "It's okay. It could happen to anyone. It's not your fault Don Cook is dead." Like hell it isn't.

Alright, okay, one night, ten years ago I did a hit of ecstasy and I threw in a hit of Peyote for good measure. By the time morning rolled around I was so high, I thought I was inside a living cartoon. I went outside naked and performed a joyous and impromptu dance to the Egyptian Sun God Ra.

Brass

That sounds really beautiful. I'm sorry I missed it.

Well unfortunately, twenty preschoolers playing in the yard next door didn't.

Brass

The name on the lease is Kellen Tyford.

Nick

Drops?

Grissom

The nightclub promoter?

Brass

Yeah, and get this, he leases the upstairs apartment too.

Grissom

That's a lotta apartments for a guy who's getting free room and board.

Brass

(after Drops lost his chess game) Looks like something more than forensics be jammin' a brotha up in here.

Drops

Man, y'all some jinxes, man.

Brass

This is a set-up, don't you get it? Ivy league college student versus a high school drop out, convict, you got no chance. ... So said a jury of your peers.

Drops

8 months, on a weak ass weapons charge, it's a vacation, man.

Drops

(while being released from jail for 48 hours to help them, sees Brass and Nick) Well, look who it is: Mom and Dad. (they put cuffs and an ankle bracelet on him) One big happy family, huh?

Brass

Yes. Get in the car. (Drops does and Brass shuts the door) I got a feeling I'm gonna regret this.

Nick

I already do.