Nick Stokes quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Catherine

I think we'd better head over to the police station.

Nick

(who is suspected of murdering Kristy) DNA didn't pan out huh?

Catherine

Never have I seen such a clean match. Jack Willman killed her.

Nick

Thank you. (he hugs her)

Catherine

Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides if they'd sent you to jail I'd get stuck with all your cases. (Nick laughs)

Nick

(laughing) Marco? (Warrick dives under the water and gets the evidence and comes back up)

Warrick

Polo.

Nick

(teasing) You want to get out of there, sir? Pool closed at sundown.

Catherine

(joining in on teasing) Can I get you a towel, sir? (Warrick gets out of the pool)

Warrick

(dryly): Yeah, please.

Sara

(Sara's mad after getting called into work on her day off) What am I? Working food and beverage at one of the hotels? I haven't had a day off in three weeks. I mean if they're gonna call me in at least throw me a bone. Gimme the 419 on the elevator.

Nick

Someone's bitter.

Sara

I'm tired!

Nick

You? Tired? I thought you never sleep. (Sara fakes a yawn, Nick chuckles) Nice, nice. (they walk into DNA and Greg's blasting music)

Nick

What up, G?

Sara

You're awake. I hate you.

Greg

Couple glasses of Merlot, a rack of lamb on my day off. I slept like a baby yesterday. You look horrible.

Sara

Thanks, Greg. (Greg looks at Nick)

Nick

Don't look at me. I got 'sunshine' all night. (Nick glances over at Sara who glares back at him, definitely catching exactly who he's calling "sunshine") Check for DNA in the sexual assault kit and the fingernail, please.

Sara

Everything has to be in CODIS ASAP.

Greg

Oh, is that all? I want to know who's going to authorize my overtime?

Sara

Suck it up, Greg. You're well-rested. (walks away)

Greg

(to Nick) You want a valium for her?

Sara

I heard that!

Grissom

(angry) Are you looking for work?

Nick

I just...

Grissom

The sign says, "Do Not Enter," Nick. You can't read anymore? You're blind? What?

Nick

Grissom, this is important.

Grissom

(furious) This is important. Sometimes in interrogations, Nick, you get one chance, one answer. And while I'm out here screwing around with you he's in there thinking up an answer that he didn't have before you walked in.

Nick

We matched the DNA taken from Lacey Duvall to a cold case in Texas ten years ago.

Grissom

And?

Nick

The suspect's name was Chad Matthews.

Grissom

C.M. The cuff link. Okay, I'm starting to forgive you.

Nick

Sara ran Patrick Haynes' social. The real Haynes is deceased. So Patrick Haynes is Chad Matthews and Chad Matthews is on the run.

Grissom

And he just ran into us.

Sara

No, I can't drink any more coffee. My body clock is so screwed up. I just want a steak and a shot.

Nick

Tut's Tomb, steak and eggs $1.99.

Sara

Food?

Nick

Mmhmm.

Sara

Good idea. You're on.

Greg

(runs in the room) It's what I live for. You guys are not gonna believe this. You ready?

Sara

So much for the steak, I'll take the coffee.

Catherine

Well, according to her credit card records Portia Richmond hasn't spent a dime since she's been in the Mediterranean.

Sara

She's dead.

Catherine

Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.

Nick

Some guys still like to foot the bill.

Sara

Really? How would you know?

Nick

Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.

Catherine

What's that?

Nick

"What do you drive?"

Sara

It's a honest question.

Nick

No it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".

Grissom

I hear that Greg found uranium on the swab from Felton's skull.

Nick

Yeah. He says I'm okay, but you know Greg. Tell me, am I radiating a green glow?

Nick

Pulled a couple of hairs off of our male stabbing vic.

Greg

Okay. Baby. Uh-huh.

Nick

What?

Greg

Nine lives.

Nick

Cat hair?

Greg

Meow.

Nick

Hey, Greg.

Greg

Shh. I might be looking at the mother of my children here.

Nick

Somebody's been putting in way too much overtime.

Greg

No, this is serious. I had a date last night. And this girl has the most impossible green eyes. Just, BAM. Shoulder-length blonde hair, intelligent. And she smells so good.

Nick

Cute toes?

Greg

Oh, ideal. And none longer than the big toe. Both feet. But you know I need to know what is on the inside.

Nick

What's in her heart?

Greg

No, her DNA. This girl has got some fine epithelials.

Nick

Dude, you're sick. Man, you have officially lost it.

Greg

There's a guy in Louisville, he charges 300 clams to test your spouse's underwear for foreign DNA. Now that guy is sick. I'm just a romantic.

Nick

Whatever happened to getting to know someone over coffee? Letting the relationship evolve. Romantic is sending flowers, not bogarting her skin cells.

Greg

Oh that's boring.

Nick

Man, do you turn it on like this at your seminars?

Grissom

People actually pay to go to my seminars, Nick. We've I.D.'d the dog.

Nick

Well, if he's got bits of jogger hanging out of his mouth, cuff him.

Warrick

This sucks! But it's evidence, right?

Nick

No, hair and fiber is evidence, Warrick. This is combat duty.

Grissom

(Grissom admits to a mistake) What?

Nick

Well, it's just that most people don't admit to being wrong.

Grissom

I'm wrong all the time. That's how eventually I get to "right".

Grissom

Repeat after me, Silk silk silk.

Nick

Silk silk silk.

Grissom

Now what do cows drink?

Nick

Milk.

Grissom

They drink water. They produce milk.

Nick

Catherine. say, "Silk silk silk"

Catherine

Silk silk silk.

Nick

Now what do cows drink?

Catherine

Water? Why?

Nick

Never mind.

Greg

Oh, is that alcohol on a bug bite? That's like butter on burns, man. Wives' tale.

Nick

Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemorrhoid cream on my acne.

Greg

Worked, didn't it?