[after losing the Grey Cup tickets] Well, I'll have to go to a scalper.
Isn't it weird for you to go to a scalper?
Why? Because I'm a Cree man? I resent that!
Because you're a police officer and scalping tickets is illegal.
Oh yeah.
S1I Love Lacey
Hey Oscar, does your friend Russell like to lie on the kitchen floor with a phone in his hand?
No.
Then either this guy ain't Russell, or your friend Russell's dead.
[Oscar runs over and sees Russell is dead.]
Told ya he was here.
S2The Brent Effect
I know you're my senior officer, so I say this with all due respect: How stupid are you? You can't just fire your gun off willy-nilly!
It wasn't willy-nilly. It was at crows.
Your father's done a lot of stupid things in his time...
You just realize that?
...But he's never stolen from me.
S2Wedding Card
Or you could have just said 'We lost the photos'....Mind you, that wouldn't have been as emotionally scarring.
Daisy arch? You'll never get me under one of those death traps.
First of all I'd like to thank Davis. I don't know how you managed all this with the money we gave you. You'd think he spent half of next years police budget on our wedding.
Haha heh heh heh ha.
S2Smell of Freedom
[Fitzy and a woman accuse Brent of making fun of people.]
I'm a monster? A monster with a game?
How'd you lose your sense of smell in the first place?
I got hit in the face with a ball.
Then what you need to do is get hit with a ball again.
I don't think that'll work.
Why not?
Because this isn't Gilligan's Island.
I feel strange. I smell burning toast
Oh, now the big guy's gonna have a seizure. Wait I smell it too.
[Shot of Emma blowing a toaster with burning toast out the window]
Damn thing.
[Back to Oscar and Davis.]
Do you know what this means.
I caught your epilepsy.
That dumb cat is stuck up our tree again! Something must have scared it.
Maybe you shooting at it.
Dumb animal, driving me crazy.
So? I don't shoot you.
S2Whataphobia
This is not about revenge. This is about getting even.
You're about to watch yourself lose a customer!
MMan
I let you play here for free.
Not any more you don't.
Phobias are irrational, they don't have to make sense. Don't you guys have any?
Fears? Not really. I mean, just the standard stuff, you know. Pirates, vampires, Sasquatch, intimacy, commitment.
What about you?
None come to mind. Being intimate with a Sasquatch.
I'm like Wanda, I don't have any fears.
What about bees?
I don't have any bees either. [Pause] Oh, fear of bees, right, yeah.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Corner Gas pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.