Chuck quotes

Chuck

We have a cover date tomorrow, Christmas at the Bartowski's.

Sarah

Oh. Wow. Thanks for the invitation Chuck but I don't do Christmas.

Chuck

I'm sorry. I think you just said "You don't do Christmas."

Sarah

Look, I rather not get into it.

Chuck

But it's, it's Christmas. Look I'm not buying the whole Scrooge act. Okay. Underneath that spy cover is a regular person, just like the rest of us. I mean honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?

Sarah

Christmas at the Burton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.

Chuck

Okay. Okay, you're a little different than the rest of us. but Christmas at the Bartowski's means ...eggnog, pj's, a fake gas fireplace and that right, Twilight Zone marathon. I'm not taking no for an answer, Walker. Be prepared to be heartwarmed.

[talking about Casey] Hey, hey, I uh, feel terrible about shooting your friend's toe off.

Chuck

No, no, no, that's okay. Sometimes I feel like shooting him myself.

Sarah

Hi Chuck! Where are you?

Chuck

DVDs. I'm in the romantic-comedy section, although for irony's sake I should probably be in hostage thrillers.

Sarah

So um, Ned let everyone call their loved ones. That was pretty smart to call me , protect our cover.

Chuck

Yeah, well, you are my girlfriend. sort of.

Sarah

So does that mean your offer still stands for Christmas?

Chuck

See I knew you could be heartwarmed. I actually, um... I have something for you. I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but considering the circumstances I kind of want to give it to you today.

Sarah

Chuck, we're gonna get out of here. We'll be fine, I--

Sarah

--promise. Wow. It's beautiful.

Chuck

It's good luck. It was my mom's charm bracelet. My dad gave it to her when Ellie was born.

Sarah

Oh Chuck, I can't take this. This is something real. Something you should give to a real girlfriend.

Chuck

...I know.

You may have beat me, Agent Walker. But FULCRUM's won. I know that Chuck Bartowski's the Intersect.

Sarah

Chuck's secret is safe! And you're going straight to a CIA detention facility never to be seen or heard from again!

You go right ahead, Agent Walker. Arrest me. But say "Good-bye" to Chuck. You see I'm not like those other FULCRUM agents. They'll do whatever it takes to find me. And when they do, every FULCRUM agent we have will know Chuck's the Intersect. It's going to be the end of his pathetic existence. So take me in, Agent Walker, I'm ready to go.

Morgan

Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it gets permanently burnt into your brain?

Chuck

...I don't know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.

Chuck

Sarah? [Chuck is dreaming that Sarah rises from his bed in black lingerie]

Chuck

This is a dream.

Sarah

No, it isn't.

Chuck

C'mon, who are we kidding here? This is clearly my subconscious at work. On behalf of my conscious self, I'd like to apologize. I'm normally far more respectful of women, even in my dreams. It's just that anxiety and fear can really affect your dream life.

Sarah

And what are you afraid of?

Chuck

I watched you kill that FULCRUM agent in cold blood, Sarah. I am... I am not like you. Okay? I might have all these government secrets in my brain, but that does not make me a real spy. I, I need to tell you this in reality, not in my dream.

Sarah

Chuck... this isn't a dream.

Chuck

What is it?

Sarah

It's a nightmare!

Chuck

[Chuck wakes up screaming] That's not the way that dream was suppose to go.

Chuck

How much tranquilizer did you use?

Casey

It's high grade at a heavy dose. Mr. Martin should be out for 12 to 24 hours.

[Starts to wake up] Jet lag is brutal.

Chuck

Rock star metabolism.

All the better in seeing you, darling.[Casey tranqs him again] I feel like a daffodil.

Casey

Time for the road trip.

Chuck

Road trip? Wait, whoa where are you going?

Casey

Buy More parking lot camera has a match on the car the suspect drove this morning.

Chuck

What about Tyler here?

Casey

Oh, check his mouth every twenty minutes. Make sure he doesn't choke on his own tongue.

Chuck

Hang on a second. You're gonna go and you want me to stay here and be on tongue-watch duty?

Sarah

Well you don't have plans, do you?

Chuck

Would it be so crazy if I did have plans? Plans that involved something other than fixing computers or playing hot potatoes with a thermite grenade?

Casey

Yes.

Sarah

You know Casey's right. You could've gotten yourself killed. What exactly were you thinking?

Chuck

What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking like I wasn't a spy. Okay. I was trying to have a little bit of fun. And I knew the second I called you two, it would all be over!

Sarah

But you are a spy. And you should know better than to put yourself in a dangerous situation where I can't protect you!

Chuck

Is it really so wrong for me to want a night off? I was having a really good time until the assassins stole my pants and tried to kill me. I've earned it. I deserve it.

Chuck

I'm losing consciousness.

Sarah

CASEY!

Casey

My ears couldn't take it. Either that or I shoot him.

I hear you're the bro to talk to to get more of those tasty tranq darts.

Casey

Philistine.

Sarah

If there is something bothering you, then please tell me. I know your job is to keep all these secrets in your head but you're not suppose to keep them from me.

Chuck

Yeah I know, I know....I saw you shoot that FULCRUM agent on Christmas Eve. After they took over the Buy More. And when I asked you about it...

Sarah

I lied. Chuck, I have to protect you.

Chuck

I know that. I.. I.. I know that you do. You were protecting me, you were protecting all of us. He had threatened my family, my friends, and you were just doing your job. I get that but... Sarah, the guy was unarmed. And, and you just...

Sarah

I did what I had to do. He knew who you really were. Your whole family was in danger. And I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget you never asked for all of this.

Chuck

That part I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.

Morgan

Gentlemen, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible.

Morgan

The big man has made that dream a reality.

Lester

The man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.

Jeff

Until his old lady dumped him.

Morgan

We're screwed! I mean screwed now that he has nothing to live for except work.

Jeff

Yeah, but how do we get Mrs. Big Mike to take him back?

Lester

How do you mend a broken heart?

You mean, how do we get him laid? I'm sorry to interrupt this little meeting of the minds but you're not the only ones who find this new regime insufferable. It's obvious our rotund leader is channeling his sexual energies into the Buy More. In my opinion your only hope......

Morgan

Is to channel him back into sex. Brilliant, Emmett. But where do we find Big Mike a ridiculous, out of his league hottie?

Lester

Someone to suck his will to work out of him.

Jeff

Not at the Bennigan's Bar.

Lester

Sometimes the fruit hangs a little too low.

Where do you meet people where you don't have to pay for sex?

Chuck

Well, gotta run. You know how it is... the old ball and chain.

Listen Charles, I just live right across the street. So... call me, when the honeymoon's over. I've got a chain too.

Chuck

Well, no flashes, no nothing . I think our neighbors are clean. Except for that lady across the street. She's got a dirty mouth.

Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

Chuck

Charles Carmichael always comes quickly.

Casey

[over watch-phone] Smooth, Bartowski.

Chuck

Casey, I'm handcuffed.

Casey

Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.

Chuck

Really?

Casey

Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is apply torsional pressure until it snaps.

Chuck

I'm not going to break my bone!

Casey

Well in that case, you are screwed!

Ellie

Well, what happened? What went wrong?

Chuck

I guess something that's been wrong from the start. You know?

Ellie

Are... you guys aren't breaking up, are you?

Chuck

No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Sarah's not going anywhere.

Ellie

Chuck, I guess I, I don't--I don't know what you're saying exactly.

Chuck

Look El, I know how much you love Sarah. And I know how much you love the idea of us, and us moving forward with you and Devon, but we're not anything like you guys.

Ellie

But you guys seem so perfect.

Chuck

Yeah, I know. I guess, but being in that house with her, it was so close to being perfect. The way I had pictured it would be. Then I realized what was wrong with that picture... And it was us. Sarah and I are never going to be anything more than we are now. But you know what? I'm okay with that.