Chuck Bartowski quotes from Chuck

Ellie

Well, what happened? What went wrong?

Chuck

I guess something that's been wrong from the start. You know?

Ellie

Are... you guys aren't breaking up, are you?

Chuck

No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Sarah's not going anywhere.

Ellie

Chuck, I guess I, I don't--I don't know what you're saying exactly.

Chuck

Look El, I know how much you love Sarah. And I know how much you love the idea of us, and us moving forward with you and Devon, but we're not anything like you guys.

Ellie

But you guys seem so perfect.

Chuck

Yeah, I know. I guess, but being in that house with her, it was so close to being perfect. The way I had pictured it would be. Then I realized what was wrong with that picture... And it was us. Sarah and I are never going to be anything more than we are now. But you know what? I'm okay with that.

Jeff

Does it shock you that 80% of my encounters with women have been completely without their knowledge?

Chuck

Honestly, I'm more surprised by the other 20%. But look, buddy, I know you're going through a tough time, but I don't feel comfortable stalking another human being.

Morgan

Dude, it's not stalking, okay? It's caring enough about someone to learn things about them they won't tell you themselves.

Chuck

Which is stalking.

Lester

What was that about?

Chuck

I'm helping Ellie and Awesome find a band for their wedding.

Lester

Then this, sir, is your lucky day.

Jeff

We'll handle it from here.

Chuck

You're going to help me find a band?

Lester

No, you misunderstand. You found your band. It is WE. [points to himself and Jeff] We'll play your sister's big day.

Chuck

Wait-- Wait a minute, you guys have a band?

Jeff

Jeff...

Lester

...Lester...

JEFFSTER!!

Chuck

That seems very fitting.

Jeff

Originally, we were going to go with the name "Jester," but we didn't want people to associate us with a couple of fools.

Chuck

Obviously not.

Chuck

I can't betray my best friend. How come nobody gets that?

Casey

Hmm. Semper Fidelis. Means always faithful in the Marines. In civilian life, means putting your friend's well being above your own. I salute you for that, Bartowski. Well done.

Chuck

Yeah, that's-- Thanks, Casey. Yeah. Semper Fi. You know it's a pretty upside down world when this guy's the one picking up the emotional nuances around here.

Sarah

No, I get it; he's your best friend.

Chuck

You know you say that, but I don't think you have a clue what it means. Look, Sarah, I don't have parents. I mean not really. I don't really talk about it because that's the way things are now. But it wasn't always this way. Morgan was there the first day my mom took off. He didn't say much. Because honestly what's a fifth grader supposed to say? But we sat there and split a cherry cheesecake and played Legend of Zelda all night long. And my dad, well that's-- that's a whole other story. But Morgan was there for that too. Morgan is more than just my best friend. He's my family! Before you got here, and long after you've gone, Morgan is my family!

Sarah

...Last night we failed to learn the contents of the Triad's container. And now we don't know what kind of drugs or weapons are floating around the city. And while I appreciate your friendship with Morgan, losing sight of that container endangers many people's best friends, not just yours, Chuck.

Sarah

I wanted to apologize. I could have been more sensitive before about your friendship with Morgan. It's just-- it's difficult. I don't really have anyone in my life like that who cares about me.

Chuck

Yeah, you do.

Chuck

Ooh! Ugh! Oh my God! This is unbearable! My back is killing me, my wrists are chafing!

This is going to get ugly. What level is his pain tolorance?

Sarah

I'd say about 1 out of 10.

Chuck

What? A one? I'd say I'm at least an 8.

Sarah

Chuck, the torture hasn't even started yet.

Chuck

This is the pre-torture? Okay, okay, put me down for a 1.

Chuck

Ellie, Awesome, I have made a very important decision. I am moving out...

Ellie

[Ellie gasps] Yes!

Chuck

And moving in with Morgan.

Ellie

NO!

Sarah

Chuck, he knows you're the Intersect. We have to go into 24-hour protective detail until further notice.

Chuck

What exactly does that mean?

Sarah

It means we can't break up. And we have to move in together.

Sarah

Well, Ellie's watching; we'd better sell it.

Chuck

Are you sure about this? I mean he's a really tough guy. Maybe he won't talk.

Sarah

Chuck, everyone talks.

Casey

What happened?

Chuck

Well I...fainted and hit my head on the ground.

Casey

Real brave Bartowski.

Chuck

Hey! I fainted on purpose. That was my move. You know I'm terrified of needles.

Casey

So your move was to faint and his was to endure torture.

Chuck

We have different methods.

Morgan

I want to make sure that she [Anna] loves me for me and not... other things.

Chuck

Are you crazy? What other things could she possibly be loving you for? I mean listen, buddy, you know that I love you, but you're lucky to have a girl in your life who loves you for you, even though you are in fact you. If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime.

Lester

Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.

Chuck

Sarah, I'm not going to move in with you... Because I can't... And you know why I can't... I'm crazy about you. And I always have been. Having a fake relationship, that's one thing. But living together is... I mean everyday and being around each other and --and that's why I can't do it. I hope you understand.

Sarah

I do.

Chuck

Thank you.

Chuck

Oh and, uh, just so you know, I am going to get this thing out of my head, one day. I will! And when I do, I'm going to live the life I want with the girl I love. Because I'm not going to let this thing rob me of that. I won't!!

You have one chance. Drop your guns.

Chuck

Uh, sir. They don't have any guns. I personally put this mission together, and I forbade them from packing.

Why would you do that?

Chuck

I don't know. I just, you know-- I think guns make things too easy. I like my spies to be tough. Look, you're not going to shoot anyone, right?

It would be unprofessional not to.

Chuck

Why are you coming here?

Hopefully I won't have to shut down Operation Bartowski because of one foolish mistake. But if FULCRUM knows who you really are, pack your bags, Chuck; you're leaving with me. Tell your family and friends--tell them nothing!

Chuck

General, you don't want the Intersect out of my head, do you?

No, I don't.

Sarah

General, Chuck has done everything that we've asked of him.

Agent Walker, you want to protect him, but play time is over! Chuck, I hesitate to say this...

Chuck

Please, please hesitate.

We are in the midst of a secret war with FULCRUM. And I believe the outcome of this fight will rest squarely on your shoulders.

Casey

Oy.

Chuck

No. Listen to the man, he's right! I'm not a spy!

Do you know how many agents I've lost to FULCRUM? How powerful they are? Only this operation, only you have found a hole in their armor. See, I can't lose you, Chuck. I need you! It's time for you to become a spy!