Chuck Bartowski quotes from Chuck

Chuck

Look. Look, I get how you're feeling man. I totally get how you're feeling. You're feeling betrayed by someone you really care about.

Casey

You're damaging my calm, Chuck.

Chuck

You've spent so much of your life pushing people away. Lashing out with hurtful words and punches. But I know why you do it. You do it because you're scared.

Casey

WHAT?

Chuck

Scared. Scared to be known. Scared that if we actually see who you are, we'd actually care about you.

Casey

Shut up, Chuck!

Sarah

Yeah, shut up, Chuck. You're making him mad.

Chuck

[shushes Sarah] Underneath that extremely terrifying exterior lies a man who deeply, deeply feels. You care. You care about us. You care about me. Admit you feel all warm and mushy about me. Go ahead, say it; you love me, John Casey.

Casey

I'm going to kill you!

Chuck

Wait. Wait! Hold on. No! Not me.

Chuck

Him!

Chuck

[mimicking Casey's voice] Well thanks for saving my life today, Chuck.

Chuck

Any time, Casey. Yeah, you know what you're my friend.

Chuck

[mimicking Casey's voice] Yeah you're my friend too.

Chuck

That's really kind of you, Casey. Have a good night.

Casey

[seriously] Thank you. [closes door]

Chuck

The guy is a total loser, all right? Absolute bottom feeding scum of the Earth. Have I mentioned considerably older man!

Jack

[from behind] All true, but I'm a hell of a dancer.

Sarah

Chuck, I'd like you to meet my dad, Jack Burton. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Chuck.

Chuck

[Chuck clears his throat] Pleasure, sir.

Sarah

[about her father] Chuck, you're attributing good intentions to him because you're a good person.

Chuck

Well, he must've done something right: you turned out pretty good.

Chuck

We have a cover date tomorrow, Christmas at the Bartowski's.

Sarah

Oh. Wow. Thanks for the invitation Chuck but I don't do Christmas.

Chuck

I'm sorry. I think you just said "You don't do Christmas."

Sarah

Look, I rather not get into it.

Chuck

But it's, it's Christmas. Look I'm not buying the whole Scrooge act. Okay. Underneath that spy cover is a regular person, just like the rest of us. I mean honestly, how weird could Christmas have been for you?

Sarah

Christmas at the Burton household meant the annual Salvation Army con job.

Chuck

Okay. Okay, you're a little different than the rest of us. but Christmas at the Bartowski's means ...eggnog, pj's, a fake gas fireplace and that right, Twilight Zone marathon. I'm not taking no for an answer, Walker. Be prepared to be heartwarmed.

[talking about Casey] Hey, hey, I uh, feel terrible about shooting your friend's toe off.

Chuck

No, no, no, that's okay. Sometimes I feel like shooting him myself.

Sarah

Hi Chuck! Where are you?

Chuck

DVDs. I'm in the romantic-comedy section, although for irony's sake I should probably be in hostage thrillers.

Sarah

So um, Ned let everyone call their loved ones. That was pretty smart to call me , protect our cover.

Chuck

Yeah, well, you are my girlfriend. sort of.

Sarah

So does that mean your offer still stands for Christmas?

Chuck

See I knew you could be heartwarmed. I actually, um... I have something for you. I was gonna give it to you tomorrow, but considering the circumstances I kind of want to give it to you today.

Sarah

Chuck, we're gonna get out of here. We'll be fine, I--

Sarah

--promise. Wow. It's beautiful.

Chuck

It's good luck. It was my mom's charm bracelet. My dad gave it to her when Ellie was born.

Sarah

Oh Chuck, I can't take this. This is something real. Something you should give to a real girlfriend.

Chuck

...I know.

Morgan

Let me ask you something. What do you do when you see your girlfriend do something so horrific, it gets permanently burnt into your brain?

Chuck

...I don't know buddy. But I know exactly what you mean.

Chuck

Sarah? [Chuck is dreaming that Sarah rises from his bed in black lingerie]

Chuck

This is a dream.

Sarah

No, it isn't.

Chuck

C'mon, who are we kidding here? This is clearly my subconscious at work. On behalf of my conscious self, I'd like to apologize. I'm normally far more respectful of women, even in my dreams. It's just that anxiety and fear can really affect your dream life.

Sarah

And what are you afraid of?

Chuck

I watched you kill that FULCRUM agent in cold blood, Sarah. I am... I am not like you. Okay? I might have all these government secrets in my brain, but that does not make me a real spy. I, I need to tell you this in reality, not in my dream.

Sarah

Chuck... this isn't a dream.

Chuck

What is it?

Sarah

It's a nightmare!

Chuck

[Chuck wakes up screaming] That's not the way that dream was suppose to go.

Chuck

How much tranquilizer did you use?

Casey

It's high grade at a heavy dose. Mr. Martin should be out for 12 to 24 hours.

[Starts to wake up] Jet lag is brutal.

Chuck

Rock star metabolism.

All the better in seeing you, darling.[Casey tranqs him again] I feel like a daffodil.

Casey

Time for the road trip.

Chuck

Road trip? Wait, whoa where are you going?

Casey

Buy More parking lot camera has a match on the car the suspect drove this morning.

Chuck

What about Tyler here?

Casey

Oh, check his mouth every twenty minutes. Make sure he doesn't choke on his own tongue.

Chuck

Hang on a second. You're gonna go and you want me to stay here and be on tongue-watch duty?

Sarah

Well you don't have plans, do you?

Chuck

Would it be so crazy if I did have plans? Plans that involved something other than fixing computers or playing hot potatoes with a thermite grenade?

Casey

Yes.

Sarah

You know Casey's right. You could've gotten yourself killed. What exactly were you thinking?

Chuck

What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking like I wasn't a spy. Okay. I was trying to have a little bit of fun. And I knew the second I called you two, it would all be over!

Sarah

But you are a spy. And you should know better than to put yourself in a dangerous situation where I can't protect you!

Chuck

Is it really so wrong for me to want a night off? I was having a really good time until the assassins stole my pants and tried to kill me. I've earned it. I deserve it.

Chuck

I'm losing consciousness.

Sarah

CASEY!

Casey

My ears couldn't take it. Either that or I shoot him.

Sarah

If there is something bothering you, then please tell me. I know your job is to keep all these secrets in your head but you're not suppose to keep them from me.

Chuck

Yeah I know, I know....I saw you shoot that FULCRUM agent on Christmas Eve. After they took over the Buy More. And when I asked you about it...

Sarah

I lied. Chuck, I have to protect you.

Chuck

I know that. I.. I.. I know that you do. You were protecting me, you were protecting all of us. He had threatened my family, my friends, and you were just doing your job. I get that but... Sarah, the guy was unarmed. And, and you just...

Sarah

I did what I had to do. He knew who you really were. Your whole family was in danger. And I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget you never asked for all of this.

Chuck

That part I'm not sure I'll ever get used to.

Chuck

Well, gotta run. You know how it is... the old ball and chain.

Listen Charles, I just live right across the street. So... call me, when the honeymoon's over. I've got a chain too.

Chuck

Well, no flashes, no nothing . I think our neighbors are clean. Except for that lady across the street. She's got a dirty mouth.

Mr. Carmichael, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

Chuck

Charles Carmichael always comes quickly.

Casey

[over watch-phone] Smooth, Bartowski.

Chuck

Casey, I'm handcuffed.

Casey

Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.

Chuck

Really?

Casey

Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is apply torsional pressure until it snaps.

Chuck

I'm not going to break my bone!

Casey

Well in that case, you are screwed!