Chuck Bartowski quotes from Chuck

Chuck

I count six SVB54 explosion protected security cameras with infrared surveillance.

Sarah

Did you have a flash?

Chuck

No, they sell them at the Spy Shop in the Buy More plaza.

Sarah

Stay in the car.

Chuck

My four favorite words.

Chuck

So listen, I've been thinking a lot about last night. And you know, you guys were talking about how this spy could be...valuable to us. So I was thinking what if we could convince her to, I don't know, like give up...some secret stuff or...

Sarah

You mean defect?

Chuck

Defect, yes! People do that kind of thing all the time, right? The Hunt for Red October...uh...White Nights. [after Casey stares blankly at him] White Nights? Gregory Hines...Baryshnikov...dancing their way to freedom?

Casey

[sarcastically] Well, as long as you've done serious research on the subject. You get her to defect, I'll help rescuing her brother personally.

Sarah

Why are you bringing this up?

Chuck

Well, she sorta, uh, just...called me.

Casey

She called you? Where?

Chuck

At the Buy More. And I think she might been in the store too, because she knew my every move. She even knew that I had mustard on my tie.

[preparing to rescue Mei-Ling's brother] Good, every warm body helps.

Chuck

I'm sorry, wha-me? No, no, no, no. Look as much as I wish that I could help you, I can't. I made plans with my sister. They are non-negotiable.

Chuck

But of course, I know that you wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me. I want to be with my sister and you obviously really want to be with your brother. We're like one big wacky transatlantic family.

Chuck

I owe you. I'm in.

Sarah

Okay fine, but you don't leave the van under any circumstances.

Chuck

I just need to be home by eight. If that's at all possible.

Ellie

There's no need. I figured it out. I know.

Chuck

You do?

Ellie

You haven't had a girlfriend for a long time and you're in love.

Chuck

Yeah. I am?

Ellie

But lying to me? Missing our most important day like...like you're in high school? I mean do you even know that Morgan's about to be fired?

Chuck

Ellie, I can't apologize enough. I...everything that you're saying is right. I guess that I'm just so, um, I'm so head over heals that I'm not thinking straight, you know?

Ellie

Listen, I know that this is the first big thing to happen to you in while. And you feel like your life's not going anywhere, your job's not either, and you're not Superman out there saving the day. But your a good person and your a good brother and you're a good friend. Don't lose that.

Casey

You! What do I have to do to get timely intel out of you, Bartowski?

Chuck

Look, I briefed Sarah last night, alright?

Casey

[sarcastically] Oh, I bet you did, slugger.

Chuck

I thought we're all suppose to be part of the same team here, huh, Team Chuck?

Casey

We are, but I'm starting to feel like the guy that always gets picked last, and I don't like feeling like Team Chuck's little fat kid!

Morgan

What happened, Chuck? You used to be cool.

Chuck

I used to be cool? When, when was that? When we were 13? Well, I hate to go changing on you, buddy, but if you hadn't noticed we are now, chronologically speaking, adults. So, unless you want to work retail for the rest of your life and, by the way, drag me down with you in the process, I would suggest that you grow up!

[pointing a gun at Chuck] I was framed! Okay? You have to believe me, I am not murderer!

Chuck

Okay! Okay! I believe you! But FYI, you're kinda acting like a murderer.

Chuck

Something came up.

Big Mike

Is that something more important than being assistant manager? Is it more important than handing over your promotion to Tang? [He becomes distraught] Please, Chuck, is it more important than Big Mike's relaxation?!?

Chuck

Look, Big Mike, there are just some things in life that are just more important than the Buy More.

Big Mike

You mean like fishin' and danish?

Morgan

Chuck, we have an emergency. We need to talk.

Chuck

I'm on the phone.

Morgan

Shh, not here, not here; there are spies at the Buy More.

Chuck

[hangs up the phone] Spies, really?

Morgan

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tang's minions, they're everywhere! He's like the dark Lord Sauron from Lord of the Rings. Only instead of the ring of power he's taken over control of the assistant manager-ship.

Chuck

Yeah, from me, right thanks for the reminder.

Morgan

You got it, man. Listen we need your help, Chuck.

Chuck

Me, what am I suppose to do? I'm just...

Morgan

One small hobbit? So thought Frodo Baggins, my friend; so thought Frodo Baggins!

Chuck

I'm sorry, but was Harry wearing the new assistant manager polo shirt?

Morgan

It's monogrammed.

Chuck

He must be stopped.

Sarah

It says here the crossbow is his weapon of choice.

Chuck

Oh, what, slingshot's too ineffective?

Chuck

No more Wednesday/Friday surf and turf?

Morgan

Harry Tang is drunk with power!

Anna

He could have an accident.

Anna

I'm just sayin', I know a guy, very reasonable...His rates, I mean, not him.

Morgan

Way to think outside of the box, Anna, me likey! What do you say Chuck?

Chuck

Are you two crazy? What? No! I'm not gonna have a guy rubbed out just because he upsets our lunch routine!

Chuck

You didn't offer to kill Harry for Anna did you?

Casey

No. Why, you want me to kill him?

Chuck

No! No, just curious...

Casey

You sure it was Magnus you saw?

Chuck

Gee, I don't know, Casey, how many psycho archers do you know?

Ellie

I have known him since the day he was born (obviously)!

Ellie

When people asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would always say the same thing..."big boy." How cute is that?

Chuck

Ellie, you're killin' me here.

Ellie

And now he is a big boy. And I can tell that he is, because he is with a big...[looks at Sarah's chest] BIG girl.

Awesome

Sorry, guys. Don't mean to muck up your mojo. [to Chuck] I tried to stop her.

Chuck

Is she drunk?

Ellie

Chuck, you need a haircut. It's starting to make funny animal shapes.

Awesome

Let's go, babe; these two need their privacy. Huh?

Ellie

When you were seven, I told you that the burglar stole the money from your piggy bank? That was a lie, it was me. At the time I felt it was very important to have a New Kids fanny pack.

Sarah

Ellie, are you okay? Have you done anything out of the ordinary?

Ellie

...Words taste like peaches.