Chuck Bartowski quotes from Chuck

Chuck

You can keep the Intersect. Gollum!

Chuck

I'm a much bigger nerd than you thought I was.

Chuck

Well it wouldn't be Christmas with the Bartowskis without a little bit of drama.

Chuck

We have something better than a Buy More. We have a train full of Japanese people!

Chuck

[after the super secret computer was downloaded into his head] Did you spike the punch?

Morgan

Something goes wrong, you blame me. After all these years, where's the trust? [pause] Yes, I did.

Morgan

Stop the presses! Who is that!? Vicky Vale!

Chuck

Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Vale, Vickity Vickity, Vicky Vale, Vi- Vicky Va...

Sarah

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Chuck

Uh no, not at all. That's from-it's from Batman.

Sarah

Because that makes it better?

Morgan

Ahh, Hi. Hey, I'm Morgan. And this is, uh, this is Chuck.

Sarah

Wow, I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck. Or, uh, Morgan, for that matter.

Chuck

My parents were sadists, and carnival freaks found him in a dumpster.

Morgan

But they raised me as one of their own.

Jeff

What if you're the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchuks?

Chuck

...That's super, Jeff. Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one. And here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out.

Sarah

That's funny.

Chuck

Well, I'm a funny guy.

Sarah

Clearly! Which is good, because I am not funny.

Chuck

Is that your big secret, by the way? 'Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you...

Sarah

Oh, plenty...believe me.

Chuck

I was thinking "either she's a cannibal, or she's really not that funny," and I was pulling for cannibal 'cause I'd never met one before...

Sarah

Uh, not a cannibal, but I did just come out of a long relationship, so I may come with baggage.

Chuck

Well, I could be your very own baggage handler.

Sarah

Chuck, those pictures that you saw were encoded with secrets, government secrets. If you saw them, then you know them.

Chuck

There were thousands of them.

Casey

Wait a minute. You're telling me all of our secrets are in his head?

Sarah

Chuck is the computer.

Casey

This is how this is gonna work. I'm gonna go over there, rescue Sarah, capture Dr. Zarnow, shoot anybody who gets in my way. You, you're gonna stay here.

Chuck

So in this plan I basically do nothing?

Casey

Yup.

Chuck

[dramatically] ...Let's do this.

Chuck

I've got some bad news. Big Mike wants us to fix all of this junk in two days or he's going to give the assistant store manager position to Tang. I'm sorry guys. And Anna.

Anna

"Guys" is fine; I don't mind.

Chuck

No, it's not right. We need to come up with something non-gender specific. How do we feel about "team"?

Anna

Fellow Nerd Herders?

Lester

The Lesters?

Jeff

Chuck's Stable of Hoes?

Chuck

[regarding the pictures of dead people] Why are these people sleeping?

Casey

They're not sleeping.

Sarah

They were killed, Chuck, and we wanna know why.

Chuck

[putting the pictures down] I have no idea.

Casey

Well, look again.

Chuck

I would rather not. It's kind of creepy.

Chuck

My life took a little detour senior year when our old friend Bryce Larkin discovered stolen tests under my bed and was kind enough to alert administration.

Sarah

Did you steal the tests?

Chuck

I thought it was kind of implied that I'm a decent person!

Sarah

Well, we all make mistakes.

Chuck

And I've made plenty; that just wasn't one of them. But, hey, then Bryce sent me a whole database of government secrets that are now locked in my brain, keeping me in a constant state of fear, danger, and anxiety, sooo...I'd say we're even.

I think your hand is supposed to be on my hip.

Chuck

Right. Apparently I learned the girls' part of this dance. Would you mind leading?

Now, see that man over there? Payman Alahi, his house, his party, his diamond...for now.

Chuck

Are we-are you talking about Señor Wookiee over there?