Diane Chambers quotes from Cheers

Nick

Hello sweetcakes. You been thinking about me?

Diane

Only during flea and tick season.

Nick

Well in my neighborhood, that's all year round.

Diane

I'm sure it is.

Diane

[about Jack Dalton] There's not much to say. He's a man I dated a bit in Europe.

Woody

Was that before or after you dumped Dr. Crane and sent him into an alcoholic tailspin?

Diane

After.

Frasier

How long after?

Diane

Days.

Diane

Dennis Kaufman is a brilliant puppeteer. He does a wonderful Punch & Judy.

Carla

He better have a wonderful punch, if he's going to dress like Judy.

Sam

I'll think of something.

Cliff

Skimpy outfits on the waitresses, Sammy.

Sam

That's not bad.

Carla

Wait a minute. I don't want people having a look at something I'm ashamed of.

Sam

You've got a lovely body.

Carla

[pointing at Diane] I was talking about hers.

Sam

I'll think of something.

Diane

Well I don't know what.

Sam

You don't have my brain.

Diane

Whoever has it should return it. You need it right now.

Sam

The Fraternal Order of the Caribou are sending a group over.

Diane

Great. Loud-mouthed, rowdy conventioneers. drinking like fish, swearing like sailors and putting their paws all over us.

Carla

Yeah, happy birthday to me.

Diane

[about Sam] I think he might be hurt by this liaison with Janet Eldridge.

Carla

Yeah you're right. He's havin' a lot of laughs and a hot time with a beautiful woman. The man is a glutton for punishment.

Diane

Sam?

Sam

Did you notice that?

Diane

Notice what?

Sam

Everything just got calm.

Diane

I don't notice any difference.

Sam

Oh, yes, yes. There's a difference in everything. The whole world just changed for me. [pause, looking up] Ohh, look. The stars are new. The moon is new. Sam Malone is new, and I like him. [pointing to the stars] And I like them. And they like me. And none of us like you.

Diane

Am I going overboard again?

Sam

No, no, no. Don't be silly. That would mean I care, and I don't. Bye bye, Diane.

Diane

Where are you going?

Sam

I'm going to swim ashore.

Diane

You can't do that.

Sam

Very well, I'll take the dingy. See how quickly the new Sam adjusts.

Diane

You're going to just leave me out here all alone?

Sam

Yes, I am.

Diane

[sighs] Sam. Sam Malone, if you leave me out here all alone, you are the most despicable creature on Earth!

Sam

Well, I... y'am what I y'am, and that's all that I y'am.

Sam

The one thing I really hate is to eat alone. I always feel like someone's looking at me.

Diane

I'm the only one here.

Sam

Well you're looking at me.

Diane

You can either join me or I can eat with my eyes closed.

Sam

I see what you're doing here. You're trying to plant a seed in my brain.

Diane

Oh don't be silly. I know of nothing that grows in solid rock.

Diane

Sam, may I have your ear for a moment?

Sam

Yeah, just don't leave any bite marks.

Sam

Diane, change.

Diane

Not for you or any man.

Sam

No, no Diane. Change: nickels, dimes, quarters.

Diane

What could be more enjoyable than opening your heart with holiday cheer?

Carla

Opening yours with a can opener.

Diane

[watching her video] All my life I wanted to dance so badly!

Norm

Looks like you got your wish.

Diane

How can a man tell a woman he loves her and yet try to kill her?

Sam

I can see it.

Lilith

What was that? [Tries door] Frasier what are you doing? Frasier the door seems to be jammed. Frasier?

Diane

Sam, open the door.

Frasier

Macanudo?

Sam

Don't mind if I do, thank you.

Frasier

You know, I can't stand all this caterwauling, let's go upstairs. I've got all 13 episodes of I, Claudius on tape.

Sam

Great, I love gladiator flicks.