Norm Peterson quotes from Cheers

Woody

What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?

Norm

Zsa Zsa marries a millionaire. Peterson drinks a beer. Film at 11.

Woody

You know I was thinking about this the other day and I think in my next life I'd like to come back as the President of France.

Norm

Why is that, Wood?

Woody

Well I think it would attract a lot of business to the bar.

Diane

[watching her video] All my life I wanted to dance so badly!

Norm

Looks like you got your wish.

Norm

We were thinking maybe somebody's got to tell Carla that she's jinxing Eddie.

Sam

And what suicidal idiot did you have in mind to do that?

Norm

Well your name kept coming up.

Diane

Norman, may I talk to you for a minute?

Norm

Yeah, sure. What's up?

Diane

You make me sick. You're a quitter, Norman! No, you're worse than that, you're a non-starter. You don't even try. You sit around the bar all day, you sit around your house all day, you sit around here all day, you sit around life all day! How are you going to feel at the end of your life when you're lying-no, make that sitting, on your death bed and you realize the only thing you've done in your life was sit around, and watch people do things, make things out of their lives? Well, maybe you're right, Norman. Maybe you're not meant for success, maybe you're meant for exactly what you are-nothing.

Norm

Diane, you have no right to say that to me.

Diane

Oh, Norman, I only said those things because I care about you.

Norm

You must care an awful lot about me.

Diane

Yes, I do. We all do. We're your friends, Norman, and we're all tired of seeing you give up so easily.

Diane

[After Thompkins steals Norm's proposal to the Board of Directors] Now now, Norman, you can't let this faze you, all right? You have to keep pushing. I know that this idea didn't succeed, but others will.

Norm

No no, Diane. Look, a few minutes ago, I almost made the biggest mistake of my professional life and it was because I was doing something that just wasn't me. I am not a go-getter, I've never been a go-getter, what's more, I don't even want to be a go-getter. I'm very happy right where I am. I'm so sick of all these people saying "Peterson, you gotta push", "You gotta get ahead", "You gotta make that goal". I don't even want to make the goal, Diane. I want to be a bench warmer. The world needs bench warmers. If there were no bench warmers, what would we have? Cold benches. A lot of cold benches and the world does not need that. You know something, I'm very happy with being an anonymous cog in this field of work.

Diane

Norman, I've never seen you so impassioned like this before.

Norm

That's because I believe in this, Diane. I'll tell you something else, Norm Peterson may be a motionless lump, but he's a damn good one.

Sam

I'm not ready to own a home. You got to work up to that.

Norm

Sammy's right. It's a big responsibility. You got lawns to mow. You got plumbing to fix, gutters to clean. Then every couple of years you've got to paint the entire thing from top to bottom. Honestly I don't know where Vera gets the energy.

Frasier

Norm, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Norm

Yeah, I guess I should, shouldn't I? Well thank God I'm not.

Sam

How's life treatin' ya?

Norm

It's not Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.

Cliff

Oh, hey. Did you notice the pool on the way in?

Woody

Yeah.

Cliff

So when summer rolls around and all those girls are out there in their French-cut bikinis, I don't have to tell you where I'll be.

Norm

Standing right here with a pair of binoculars?

Cliff

That's right.

Cliff

Hey Normy. You ever feel like we're getting in a rut here?

Norm

What do you mean Cliff?

Cliff

I mean we come in the same bar, sit in the same stools, drink beer night after night. I mean there's gotta be something more to life.

Norm

Cliffie, for the last time, I am not changing bar stools with you.

Woody

Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?

Norm

A little early, isn't it, Woody?

Woody

For a beer?

Norm

No, for stupid questions.

Norm

Senior bartender huh? Well, Woods, you know a little promotion like that kind of deserves a round of drinks on the house.

Woody

Ah, gee, Mr. Peterson, I'd love to. I'm real sorry, but gosh I just don't think I'd better.

Norm

Boy, give a guy a title and he turns into a fascist.

Carla

We've still got something that Gary can't take away.

Norm

Our pride?

Carla

Hell no. We never had that.

Frasier

Explain this to me. If the winner is going to get a kiss from Rebecca, what does the loser get?

Cliff

Well, um, A kiss from Norm!

Norm

Then of course, there is no loser.

Norm

I hate to change the subject but I don't know if anyone recognizes, we seem to have a little problem here.

Woody

Oh you need another beer, Mr. Peterson.

Norm

Okay we have two problems here.